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Old 12-28-2004, 09:35 AM
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questions......

He has started his 75days house arrest ........(this is from a past DUI that he has just put off and they have tacked on more time) so now is 2 days sober...he is able to work (well when he starts his new job #8 in 2 years) but other than work he is to be at home. My question is how do I not become homebound ?? he is a very jelous person (more so when drinking) but questions EVERYTHING I do when I am not with him ...I cannot stand it so think it will only be that much worse now that he CAN'T go anywhere.....of course I don't want to make him feel bad (codie in me) but then there is the other part of me that thinks ...well he can't come out after me ...LOL

Not just the "going out thing" has to do with just becasue he has to be at home and has to be somewhere (treatment etc) I have to readjust my schedule to accomodate his...like this morning he couldn't leave the house until 830, I have to be at work at 8 but he just expected me to call in late so wait and take him ...NOT told him it was not my problem ..I would drop him off on my way in or he could find his own ride....needless to say his dad was coming to get him .....is this wrong? should I have waited? would have not been a huge deal but made me mad that he just "expected it"

any insight would be helpful...just to get me thru these 75 days!!!
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Old 12-28-2004, 12:00 PM
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shel - ugh sounds like you are in for a rough ride. it's up to him to find a way to wherever it is he needs to go. he needs to be responsible for himself (hard for us codies to grasp). you did the right thing by letting him work it out for himself. keep it up!

hugs - cwohio
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Old 12-28-2004, 12:15 PM
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Shel,

May I ask, is this BF or husband?
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Old 12-28-2004, 12:36 PM
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this is a boyfriend............sad to say I got rid of my ex 4 years ago...he was/is also an A...somehow I saw the light with him and was doing well for 2 years.....now I am in the thick of it again with this one......but of course I see more potential in this one.....am I crazy?
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Old 12-28-2004, 01:19 PM
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Shel, I agree with cwohio, you did the right thing. You offered to give him a ride that met with your schedule but wasn't willing to adjust your schedule for his. Under these circumstances the right choice. This way you don't build resentment.

About the going out thing, I see this as a serious red flag. It feels like a control issue that is dangerous. You should not feel that you have to account for your every move. How committed are you to this guy? Is it possible to consider separating until he gets his own life straightened out? Whatever you choose, you don't have to account for your life to anyone. Take care.
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Old 12-28-2004, 01:35 PM
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Rose56, thanks it felt right even though I felt like I was being mean! I have often thought about the whole seperating thing......except the fact that I don't feel he has anywhere to go ...(codie I know) I keep telling myself he will make it right or he will make it worse and that is when we will end.......guess I am just not there yet, to kick him out for good (as I did about a year ago for just over a month) . In due time I keep saying...in the mean time I guess I take him for what he is worth...there is plenty good about him but yes the controlling issuse have to stop.......I think as part of my NEW YEAR that will be high on my list.....do things that please me !! not that he wants me to do! thanks~
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