mamasmitty

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Well, I don't know if you can call it a relapse since he didn't compleatly quit in the first place. I haven't been on here since about June, but I have been thinking about posting this for a while, and this morning, out of nowhere, someone posted on a post that I posted and answer to a long time ago, so....here I am! (Devine intervention???) So, Back in June I discussd with him how he was killing himself with drink and food. It was a good conversation and he promiced to quit drinking durring the week, but not on the weekends. This promice lasted 4 days, and he was back at the bar. I has lost about 65 pounds, and got a c-pap machine for his snoring, and his health got better. I think it was the summertime, and the fact that he had outside activities (like mowing, and building a big shed for storage) that kept him busy. He is so good, and takes care of all his busness finantual and otherwise. But now he is back to the REAL heavey drinking again. He never stopped drinking the 1/2 a fifth of whisky a day (exactly!) and chasing it with pop. Now he is chasing it with beer! I bought a bottle of kalua and a bottle of Vodka for the WHOLE holiday, so I could have a few black russians on Christmas and New years. That would be more then enough for those two holidays for me. Well, this morning, I found the vodka all gone! Of course being Sunday, he was out of HIS alcohol, so he must have drank mine, then he went to the bar last night about 8:30! It's like, he measures out his bottle to only drink half, and then if he wants more, he goes to the bar, as if he subconciously thinks that he only has to count the whisky, to make himself feel better about drinking more. Thats my thought anyway. I've found a couple more hidden bottles. Every once in a while he says that he "dosen't feel good". (the morning after) So I "fish" and ask him how does he feel, and he says he can't discribe it. I am afraid he is starting to get some serious dammage from this like cerosis or something. His cheeks are always a little yellowish. I don't know if that is natural or not. I told him he should go to the doctor. He said he would. One good thing is that he has started a new winter hobby. We bought a new digital camera, and he is very into doing the digital art thing. Discovering all the things he can do with the programs and stuff. So I am highly encouraging him in that!
So, in short, this really isn't a question. I just wanted to put it out there. See if anyone could identify, or has been through similar things and your experiences. Maybe some of you might know what the "feeling bad" thing he talks about could be. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

splendra

It does sound like he needs to get to the doctor. You know the only thing you can do is take care of yourself and pray......

ahcb

Mamasmitty,

I also recommend a doctors visit. Also, an alcoholic cannot "quit a little" he (my case she) drinks or they do not. It is like Pregnant or not. There is no in between. Let me throw q question out there to all who have or a dealing with an A. Activie or in recovery. Do YOU drink. I put my drink down the day my wife did. No alcohol in our house. Period. I am begining to wonder if that is as normal as i thought. aj

cwohio

i do not drink, never have been a big drinker but did the normal stuff when i was younger, met my ah in a bar (of course)! don't drink and haven't for years. maybe growing up in an a home had something to do with it!

hope2bhappy

I very rarely drink, but have alcohol in my home. I always fix my traditional champagne punch every Christmas. During the holidays, I have the occasional glass of egg nog with a little bourbon in it. My H does not even touch the hard stuff. He drinks only beer. He is the only one in my family who drinks to any excess. He doesn't go out to bars. We don't go out and party.

ahcb

Hope2behapy,
May I ask are You Happy? And do you consider your spouse an A//////////aj

mamasmitty

I'm happy enough. He is a good man, and takes care of busness like I had stated. I just don't like being around him when he is so drunk. He gets home at 4 or 4:30pm from work, and I get home at 6pm. By the time I am there, although dinner is cooked, he is already slurring his words when he talks! Sometimes worse then others. Especially when he has a bad day. Yes, I consider him an "A"!!!! (and he is my X husband who I am reconsiled with!)

hope2bhappy

I am, actually, quite content most of the time. I most certainly DO consider my H an A!!! No question about it. Mamasmitty's last post is almost a carbon copy of my situation -- including the time difference in when my AH and I get home from work.

KIM0024

Weird...same Situation. My Ah Gets Off At 3:30 And I Get Off At 5:00. He Always Goes To Someone's House (i Know Be Happy It Is Not The Bar) And Sits And Drinks And Usually Comes Home Around When I Do... But The Buzz Is On!!!

What Is Wrong With Coming Home And Doing Things Around The House So That You Don't Sit And Drink...to Occupy Your Time And Mind. I Just Don't Get It. As Soon As I Walk In The House I Start Cleaning Up And This Could All Be Done By The Time I Get Home. Of Course, Once You Start Drinking For The Day You Cannnot Stop And Nothing Is Accomplished On His Part. Why Do I Ride This Roller Coaster Over And Over??????????

mamasmitty

Do you think maybe they do that because we aren't home, and it makes them insecure?????

splendra

(((((mamasmithy))))))

The reason they drink and drug has nothing to do with us so stop trying to take the blame......

mamasmitty

OHHHHH!!!! Heavens!!!! I'm not taking ANY of the blame! Just pondering what makes them want to drink. I think that most alcoholics are very insecure, and having their wives not home when they are, makes them parinoid, so... they drink! Nope, I'm pretty detatched as far as it is HIS problem, not mine. I think that makes him drink too!!! Ha! Ha! He can't control me and my emotions like he used to be able to years before. It's too bad such a good man with such potential has to drink himself to death!

queenofthehwy

Ditto on the time thing with me and mine. Just curious what do your spouses do? Mine, construction.

mamasmitty

Wow! That IS weird! Mine is assistant Director of student affairs in a collage! BIG BIG responsibilities!!!!!

ahcb

lol,

Being home around 3:30 must be the key. My wife would come in around that time and have a beer in her hand before the jacket was off. I would come home 5:30-6:30 (or so) and more often than not she was buzzed and heading for drunk. We rarely went out. Most of her drinking was in the home.

Alcoholics drink because they are alcoholics. Being insecure or whatever may have got them started etc but once afflicted, they have no choice. My wife works in finance and has a very demanding job. But then I have read that approx 96-97% of all alcoholics hold full time jobs. That plays into the denial. Are there many men on here who has the alcoholic wife? (not that I mind chatting with you ladies)
My turn for another question. How long have you been married and did you know or understand the problem Before you got married..Me 17 years/ did not understand (actually thought i hit the jackpot, pretty wife who would have a drink and watch sports with me)

mamasmitty

OK, heres where I get the weird looks. We are actually devorced, and back together. When we were married, we would do the social drinking thing. Maybe get a PINT of Jim Beam and split THAT together on a weekend night. Didn't usually drink durring the week. We were married 14 years before the devorce. Now I KNOW you are going to ask why we got devorced, so I will be brief as I can about it. Through my own incesurities and "child of an alcoholic" personality, Mixed with his, I ended up having an afair. I let myself get caught I think so that I wouldn't have to be the one to end it. (screwed up thinking, I know) I have learned SOOOOOO much and grown so much since then! Well, I still felt guilty for hurting the kids and him so when it was time, he got everything (I couldn't afford a lawyer, and didn't know I could get a free one!) including custody of the kids, the house, and the land the house was built on which was given to me by my mother as part of my inheritence! We were apart for 3 years, and he asked me to move back. We were trying to work it out. (this is probably all in my profile. I can't remember) We get along pretty good, except that I don't like to have sex with him (or anyone else) So other then that, and his drinking, I am pretty happy. so I think the problem was always THERE, but not as bad, and is getting gradually worse as time goes on. (are you sorry you asked???? Ha! Ha!)

JessicaNAJ

mamasmitty -I think I relate to what you are posting. I too felt guilty for hurting my AH. That is one of the main reason's for staying with him so long. He lost his mom, his brother and I didn't want him to lose me. I'm finally realizing that what is happening to our marriage is b/c of nothing I did. I did everything I could to make things work with him and us. He actually had me convinced that I was the one who had the problem (well, he was somewhat correct on that theory).

The Sex thing - totally relate. I think that is because it was expected of me whether I wanted to or not.

I also agree that as time went on the problem got gradually worse. But that was because I was tired of being his doormat.

Ragdoll

We were married almost ten years. Within the past four years, I lost all interest in him and resented everything about him since he started taking over everything about me (maybe that was when the alcohol really started getting a good grip on him). Once we started having kids six years ago, I gave in to our power trips between each other. The more I gave in, the more he took until he was running me into the ground in every way, shape, and form. I tried keeping my mouth shut and seeing if I was the real cause of our problems and I was as crazy as he and his family insisted I was. With my mouth shut, I realized he was still the same drunk. I know now, I cannot help him but I can still hope he will help himself and I will worry every waking moment I'm aware he is down or hurting somehow or claiming he is just having fun. Even though the love is gone for me (in a marriage sense), the fact that he was my husband and is the father of my kids and is a good person without the 'disease' will make me always have a place in my heart for him. But I also know I need much more space in my heart for me to remain strong and healthy for myself and my kids. I trust he will do the same someday - maybe that's the hope we all hold onto with our alcoholics. Maybe it's not right, maybe I'll learn to let go of that worry and concern someday too - somehow I doubt it though.

Penny1

Well, I am married to an alcoholic and consider myelf one as well however I quit drinking in March when alcohol nearly killed my husband. I do not and dont plan to go to AA..its just not for me. When your AH says he doesnt feel good its most likely because the alcohol is damaging his body. My AH has hep c and still drinks. He was hospitalized in March for pancreatitis(from alcohol) and he was as yellow as they come. He had horrible withdrawals and was almost put on life support. He came home and did not drink for 3 whole weeks. Started drinking again and went back in the hospital in June. Im not talking a beer here or there..Im talking hard alcohol as well. He wasnt working at the time and hadnt been for a while. He would have never made it through the day without a drink the way he was. Now he still drinks and it seems to be getting heavier lately. I dont know what causes him to go overboard but its gonna kill him if he doesnt stop. Same with all the alcoholics in your life. If his cheeks are yellow or his face whatever, that is caused by bilirubin building up in the body cuz theliver isnt functioning properly. Trust me I know from all the things he had. I cannot tell anyone what to do cuz I am dealing with it myself but what I can say is I will pray for each one of you and the alcoholics in your lives that you all find peace within yourselves and the strength to make the right decisions for your health and your loved ones. God bless you all and good luck.