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Old 12-26-2004, 09:17 PM
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Angry I Need Support

I don't know if anybody remembers me, but here is my story in short...I lived with an alcoholic for 2 years before I got the courage to leave him. I was so proud that God gave me the strength to take my life back. But I guess old habits die hard and mine isn't dead yet. I now have another boyfriend, another alcohoic of course. I don't live with him so that is one good thing. I do, however, believe all the lies he feeds me. I'm scared to break it off because I absolutely hate being alone and I'm afraid I will slip into another deep depression. I'm on medication for that right now, but I guess what I really need is some support and understanding once again. I'm a single mom and I reached the 30 mark this year and I'm afraid I won't find anybody else. Any support would be greatly appreciated because I'm really quite frustrated with myself these days.
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Old 12-26-2004, 09:28 PM
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The first step is done. You see the problem, you know the solution. The hard part is to find the courage to do it. I have MANY friends who are happy single parents. Find joy in what you know is good.

Best of luck to you.

Jenny
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Old 12-26-2004, 09:48 PM
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At 30, you have soooo many really good years ahead of you if you make the right decisions. You left one alcoholic relationship a short time ago and you found another one right away. You probably remember from the last time you were here with us that everyone says "work on yourself." The reason for that is we need to learn why we are attracted to these "needy" people so that we don't continue to make the same choices over and over again. Have you gone to Alanon? If not, I would strongly urge you to give it a try. We all need to learn to place a higher value on ourselves so that we don't believe the lies that are told that make us feel worthless.

You know that you are in a bad situation and you knew enough to come back here. You have made the initial steps on a new path.

Hugs, Jo
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Old 12-27-2004, 07:28 AM
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You say God gave you the strength! God will give you the strength each and every day of your life. Try to find a good church. A lot of the bigger ones have "singles with kids" groups. They usually include cheap activities and you will find support amongst the other people who are in your same situation. This may help with the loneliness. Try to fill your love tank in other healthy ways. If you can find ways to fill your love tank, you won't need another addict who is incapable of filling it for you.

Find some peace today!
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Old 12-27-2004, 07:42 AM
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Helping Myself,

I know that there were times at the beginning (and even times now) where I have to act my way out of my old habits. My brain is still very wired to be co-dependent and there are times that I have to act in a way that is very different than my brain wants me to act. It's a tool of recovery that I heard someone describe once - Act your way sane and your brain will follow. It made more sense to me when someone said -"Fake it till you make it."

I had to unlearn ways of acting, reacting, thinking, doing, feeling (not feeling) and it was all so new and uncomfortable. But the more I practice it, the more natural it feels and the less uncomfortable I am about this new place in my life.

I had to give myself time to sharpen the tools I'm learning and there are days that I fall back into my old habits. My life isn't perfect, and I can always try again today. Once I realize I am doing the old stuff again, I'm already on my way to stopping the madness.

I believe that you will get exactly where you set your mind that you want to be.

Peace,
Petunia
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Old 12-27-2004, 09:41 AM
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Hello,

Ask yourself is it easier to be 35 with a child, or 35 with a child and an alcoholic bf. My point is that you are going to get older as will your child. I would guess it is better for that child NOT to be in that situatuon.

I am 44. What i would give to be young, you know like 30, 35, heck 43. I am amazed how many people get invovled with an A KNOWINg he/she is one. You do deserve better. Trust me, men fall in love with single moms. You will be happier and healthier, doing what you know is the right thing. Also dont worry about finding someone else-This time Love may find you...........be strong
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Old 12-27-2004, 09:51 AM
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helping - i hope that you realize that the somebody you need to find is YOURSELF first! you are ahead of the game by realizing what you need to do.

hugs - cwohio
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Old 12-27-2004, 09:52 AM
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My husband is an alcoholic & Bipolar and I am with him because I love him not because I am co-dependant . Just because they have a disease does not make them a bad person . There are good in them and the problem is that they do not see it .
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Old 12-27-2004, 11:12 AM
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(((helping))) I agree with Wraybear. Many churches have groups for single parents and you could make some friends and have support.

It's hard to unlearn past behaviors but if we don't we'll repeat the same mistakes over and over again. I'm learning to not look for happiness from other people... it has to come from within. Love yourself, then love will find you.


People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln
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Old 12-27-2004, 04:06 PM
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Thank you

Thank you all for your support. I feel much better and I do know the situation I am in is not a good one and that I need to get out of it. I also agree about finding a church. I know that could make me feel much better. Thank you all for your support!
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Old 12-27-2004, 08:00 PM
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My 2 cents also. Have you tried the library to do something with your child.
Non alcoholic men go to libraries. and mosly single ones.
Might I asked, how did you find the 2nd A??
thelma
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