Remembering my A and the good times.
Caring for the 3 little bears
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Remembering my A and the good times.
I have read several posts lately from people who wrote about the love they have for their A's and it brought me to tears. I think it is time to share why I love my AH.
This is probably why so many of us are here. We married good people who happen to be alcoholics, and over the years, their alcoholism gets worse. It's ironic how my AH's drinking has gotten better the past 8 years, he binges every 4-6 months. But the car accident he had three years ago with our children in the car has made these binges unbearable for me. I know I need to work on that. Anyway, back to the original reason for the post.
My H is humble. He isn't a know-it-all, that is one reason I fell in love with him. You could say the sky is orange, and he would say, yeah, it does look orange today even though he knew the sky didn't look orange. He doesn't HAVE to be right. And he doesn't have to have the last word.
He doesn't judge people. He accepts everyone as God's child as is, period.
He is a big tipper. I like that about him!
He enjoys taking road trips. Whether its just for a day or for a week, let's load up and go. No worries.
He loves nature... he always sees God's hand in everything... trees, flowers, snow, rain, animals, it is ALL GOOD.
He knows much about art, all different kinds of history, the bible. He can talk to anybody about anything. I admire that about him.
He is very funny. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Sometimes, we both get those uncontrollable giggles where your belly hurts and you get the hiccups... and then you just keep laughing because your laughing and you don't even remember why you're laughing.
He accepts me for who I am. He loves me for who I am.
And, he is a cutie pie too.
The best part about all this, is that my kiddos have a lot of these same qualities. They received those good qualities from him. I am so thankful for that.
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays everyone.
This is probably why so many of us are here. We married good people who happen to be alcoholics, and over the years, their alcoholism gets worse. It's ironic how my AH's drinking has gotten better the past 8 years, he binges every 4-6 months. But the car accident he had three years ago with our children in the car has made these binges unbearable for me. I know I need to work on that. Anyway, back to the original reason for the post.
My H is humble. He isn't a know-it-all, that is one reason I fell in love with him. You could say the sky is orange, and he would say, yeah, it does look orange today even though he knew the sky didn't look orange. He doesn't HAVE to be right. And he doesn't have to have the last word.
He doesn't judge people. He accepts everyone as God's child as is, period.
He is a big tipper. I like that about him!
He enjoys taking road trips. Whether its just for a day or for a week, let's load up and go. No worries.
He loves nature... he always sees God's hand in everything... trees, flowers, snow, rain, animals, it is ALL GOOD.
He knows much about art, all different kinds of history, the bible. He can talk to anybody about anything. I admire that about him.
He is very funny. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Sometimes, we both get those uncontrollable giggles where your belly hurts and you get the hiccups... and then you just keep laughing because your laughing and you don't even remember why you're laughing.
He accepts me for who I am. He loves me for who I am.
And, he is a cutie pie too.
The best part about all this, is that my kiddos have a lot of these same qualities. They received those good qualities from him. I am so thankful for that.
Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays everyone.
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
Wray it's good to hear some positive things about your H--sometimes we get pretty caught up in our own whirl wind life that we forget the good. I'm glad you are reflecting on good things. Have a very merry Christmas--Love and smiles--Dee
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
I love this post Wray, especially the part about the giggles. It's so easy to come on here and post about the bad times. That's when we all need the support of everyone else. I don't think we realize though how inspirational a post like yours can be.
Enjoy those giggles and always accept yourself for who you are, because you are a good person....for that your H is correct!
Enjoy those giggles and always accept yourself for who you are, because you are a good person....for that your H is correct!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ma
Posts: 145
It is good to hear storiees such as yours. CHristmas evening was spent at my brothers house with 2 of my 3 children and wife. She is sober now 13 months. I watched her from all angles of the room and could not help but smile. We have been married 18 years and I guess I was to dumb to notice her problem or perhaps enjoying a bit to much myself in the begining to care. As you know that changes.
Last night she was laughing, joking and full of the CHristmas spirit as well as several diet cokes. I was reminded of why i fell in love with her in the first place. Wray, you bring attention to something we who have A spouses do not do often enough. FOrget the disease for a minute and look at the person. It is more helpful to us to be reminded of all the great things that drew us to that person to begin with.
Thanks...............aj
Last night she was laughing, joking and full of the CHristmas spirit as well as several diet cokes. I was reminded of why i fell in love with her in the first place. Wray, you bring attention to something we who have A spouses do not do often enough. FOrget the disease for a minute and look at the person. It is more helpful to us to be reminded of all the great things that drew us to that person to begin with.
Thanks...............aj
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Wraybear,
This is the best post of my day. I painted the best picture of your man in my head as I read your descriptions. I know that we are all challenged at times to remember the good stuff - I needed that today with my S and you helped me to remember the fun time.
Thank you so much for sharing the positive stuff as well. It is part of the balance that I struggle so much to maintain.
Peace,
Petunia
This is the best post of my day. I painted the best picture of your man in my head as I read your descriptions. I know that we are all challenged at times to remember the good stuff - I needed that today with my S and you helped me to remember the fun time.
Thank you so much for sharing the positive stuff as well. It is part of the balance that I struggle so much to maintain.
Peace,
Petunia
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 7
Wray,
I think you bring to light the fundamental challenge we all face. We actually LOVE our A's. But we HATE their drinking. It is such a profound struggle for me. I really love this man, and he is good to me. But when he binges on alcohol and marijuana, he is not someone I can engage with, and it disgusts me to see him so out of control of himself. Then there are the times when he does get beligerant and rude to people. Sometimes I actually prefer when he drinks AND smokes the pot because he's in a much better mood! Alcohol is such an angry drug. And I get so sick of the rollercoaster. Some days I look at him and can't imagine myself with anyone else. Then other days, like today, I look at him and think "what in the hell am I doing here?" They aren't bad people, but this disease sure does a good job of masking their beauty sometimes. It's really frustrating for those of us who love them.
I think you bring to light the fundamental challenge we all face. We actually LOVE our A's. But we HATE their drinking. It is such a profound struggle for me. I really love this man, and he is good to me. But when he binges on alcohol and marijuana, he is not someone I can engage with, and it disgusts me to see him so out of control of himself. Then there are the times when he does get beligerant and rude to people. Sometimes I actually prefer when he drinks AND smokes the pot because he's in a much better mood! Alcohol is such an angry drug. And I get so sick of the rollercoaster. Some days I look at him and can't imagine myself with anyone else. Then other days, like today, I look at him and think "what in the hell am I doing here?" They aren't bad people, but this disease sure does a good job of masking their beauty sometimes. It's really frustrating for those of us who love them.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: TOLEDO OHIO
Posts: 6
Coco04,
You Are So Right About Loving One Minute/hating The Next. I Always Tell My Ah That I Don't Go To Bed With The Same Person I Wake Up With. He Doesn't Like To Hear It And Of Course Doesn't Agree With It. I Know It Is Called Denial. How Can Someone Be Such A Sweet Loving Person When They Are Not Drinking??? Then Add Alcohol And You Have A Mean, Nasty, Hateful, Uncaring Person. Don't Get Me Wrong There Are More Good Times Than Bad At The Moment...until That Changes I Am Here For The roller Coaster Ride!! He Really Is A Good Person And Would Do Anything For Anyone...a People Pleaser!!! But Watch Out After 7:00 Pm And 18 Beers Later!!!
You Are So Right About Loving One Minute/hating The Next. I Always Tell My Ah That I Don't Go To Bed With The Same Person I Wake Up With. He Doesn't Like To Hear It And Of Course Doesn't Agree With It. I Know It Is Called Denial. How Can Someone Be Such A Sweet Loving Person When They Are Not Drinking??? Then Add Alcohol And You Have A Mean, Nasty, Hateful, Uncaring Person. Don't Get Me Wrong There Are More Good Times Than Bad At The Moment...until That Changes I Am Here For The roller Coaster Ride!! He Really Is A Good Person And Would Do Anything For Anyone...a People Pleaser!!! But Watch Out After 7:00 Pm And 18 Beers Later!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chciago, Il.
Posts: 1
[/QUOTE]My H is humble. He isn't a know-it-all, that is one reason I fell in love with him. You could say the sky is orange, and he would say, yeah, it does look orange today even though he knew the sky didn't look orange. He doesn't HAVE to be right. And he doesn't have to have the last word.
He doesn't judge people. He accepts everyone as God's child as is, period.
He is a big tipper. I like that about him!
He enjoys taking road trips. Whether its just for a day or for a week, let's load up and go. No worries.
He loves nature... he always sees God's hand in everything... trees, flowers, snow, rain, animals, it is ALL GOOD.
He knows much about art, all different kinds of history, the bible. He can talk to anybody about anything. I admire that about him.
He is very funny. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Sometimes, we both get those uncontrollable giggles where your belly hurts and you get the hiccups... and then you just keep laughing because your laughing and you don't even remember why you're laughing.
He accepts me for who I am. He loves me for who I am.[/QUOTE]
My God, I could have written this!
I just found this board today and have been reading through the posts. As I was reading this one, my AH was asleep in his recliner, holding one of our dogs, who was also sleeping. He had been drinking prior to coming home and today, I chose to not confront him. We had dinner. I settled in on the computer to do some work, and he watched TV. I ended up NOT working, just perusing this site, and he ended up with the TV watching him.
I was so touched by this post that I had to "register" so I could reply. I tried to read other posts by the author but I think I did something wrong and was reading the wrong ones.
"Wraybear" how do we leave a person like this? Someone who is 80% the above person and 20% the "other" man? How do we forget about the 80% person and leave based on the 20% person? How do we forget the man and just remember the disease?
Nicky
He doesn't judge people. He accepts everyone as God's child as is, period.
He is a big tipper. I like that about him!
He enjoys taking road trips. Whether its just for a day or for a week, let's load up and go. No worries.
He loves nature... he always sees God's hand in everything... trees, flowers, snow, rain, animals, it is ALL GOOD.
He knows much about art, all different kinds of history, the bible. He can talk to anybody about anything. I admire that about him.
He is very funny. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Sometimes, we both get those uncontrollable giggles where your belly hurts and you get the hiccups... and then you just keep laughing because your laughing and you don't even remember why you're laughing.
He accepts me for who I am. He loves me for who I am.[/QUOTE]
My God, I could have written this!
I just found this board today and have been reading through the posts. As I was reading this one, my AH was asleep in his recliner, holding one of our dogs, who was also sleeping. He had been drinking prior to coming home and today, I chose to not confront him. We had dinner. I settled in on the computer to do some work, and he watched TV. I ended up NOT working, just perusing this site, and he ended up with the TV watching him.
I was so touched by this post that I had to "register" so I could reply. I tried to read other posts by the author but I think I did something wrong and was reading the wrong ones.
"Wraybear" how do we leave a person like this? Someone who is 80% the above person and 20% the "other" man? How do we forget about the 80% person and leave based on the 20% person? How do we forget the man and just remember the disease?
Nicky
Caring for the 3 little bears
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Nicky, that is the million dollar question. You say you tried reading other posts by the author, but must have done something wrong. You probably didn't do anything wrong, they probably were my posts, but just in a much different tone, if you know what I mean! lol I guess the holidays brought out a little compassion.
Honestly, there have been many many bad things that have happened as a direct result of his drinking. Almost fatal car wreck with children. Teen daughter attempting suicide a couple times. Many many many bad things, and yet he has continued to drink and now due to the accident, pain killers. I wish he was that man. I hope that man comes around again for HIS sake.
Honestly, there have been many many bad things that have happened as a direct result of his drinking. Almost fatal car wreck with children. Teen daughter attempting suicide a couple times. Many many many bad things, and yet he has continued to drink and now due to the accident, pain killers. I wish he was that man. I hope that man comes around again for HIS sake.
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