JennyK

We are having Christmas dinner at my house this year. Typically my husband has had MANY too many beer and my BIL has had a few, while my sister and I share some wine.

This year my husband is not drinking. I asked him what I would do about the drinks for dinner, and he answered "It does not matter, I am not going to drink". I will feel uncomfortable drinking wine in front of him, although I do enjoy a glass in a social situation.

I know that my family will wonder "what is up" if we have no wine with dinner. I don't want to get into any explainations this weekend. And I really do like wine on special occassions. I know the difference between use and abuse.

Should I trust his statement that what I do will not effect him, or should I just serve water?

This might seem irrelevant or obvious to some, but it is a HUGE change in social event protocal in our family and I would like some advice.

Thank you,

Jenny

FormerDoormat

Hey Jen:

I understand your dilema and I've pondered the same question. I must admit that in past holiday celebrations, I have asked my family NOT to serve alcohol in an effort to control my boyfriend's drinking, but I have learned that I can't control or cure his behavior and that by attempting to control the environment at family functions, I'm not allowing him to make his own choices and if necessary, deal with the consequences.

That way, it's his choice whether he drinks or not. And I'd be willing to bet that your family members already suspect there's a problem. When I told my family about my AB they said they noticed he had a problem long before I confided in them.

Hope your quiet days continue and you have a wonderful holiday get-together.

Dee at Mt Bully

I think FormerDoormat said it quite well. If he decides to start drinking again it
won't be because you served wine on a special occasion. If he wants an excuse to
drink he will make one up and probable blame you anyway. Enjoy your dinner and
don't stress over the wine. Enjoy! Love and Smiles--Dee

Live

Thanks, I was just getting ready to come out of the closet on this one.
Look. I like really good wine. I like really good food. I like really good cheese with wine.
I like fresh fruits with cheese and wine. Right now, I have a good wine, fresh cherries and figs (I ate all the good cheese) and some movies and concerts I love. Why can't I enjoy them? Huh? Really why can't I? I someone else gets drunk or gluttous and has problems, does that mean I have to prohibit myself from things I enjoy sanely?
I quit this game. I consider it a step forward in I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. But I am not going to let someone else drink up my good wine. Or eat all my good cheese. Or rob my concerts. They can get their own. And whatever they do with it is none of my business.

equus

I stopped with my hubby to avoid this dilema. We've had a couple of meals out with wine on the table and we've both had water, we haven't had guests for food yet.

I get happier and happier with my decision to stop. I loved wine too but not as much as I enjoy not being tempted to worry when and where I drink it. It's just something I don't need to think about and that's quite liberating.

I thought for a while maybe I'd drink if I was out without him but I decided just not to have it in the equation. If I had drank when out alone with friends maybe at some point I'd have arranged for him not to come, in the way most of us arrange not to drive. I didn't want to ever consider that. If I go out alone it won't be anything to do with booze.

I thought I'd miss it much more than I do and sometimes it's come in handy. At his works do his bosses were ragging him to drink, I was glad it was both of us getting questioned and saying no. It was well worth missing a glass or two!!

I made my decision according to what I thought would suit me best and it has. I wouldn't want to drink now.

Peaches04

I've noticed that I don't drink at all anymore, and I must admit I think a big part of the reason why was because I was just so sick of seeing my AH drink all the time, and the codie part of me felt like if I drank, I was condoning his drinking. I know think that is a very convoluted thought process on my part...but, for whatever reason, I find I still really don't drink when I'm around him. That being said - I think everyone here makes really good points...so, ultimately - it's up to what you are comfortable with. If it will cause you more stress than just not doing it, then don't. But, I do know what you mean about it being a big part of the holidays, and it would kind of be uncomfortable or unfair? to prevent others from having their "spirits". That's a toughie...unfortunately mine will be drinking anyway, so I don't have that particular concern yet - hopefully one day I will

sandyr

My AH told me to go ahead and have some drinks with my family tonight. I'm scared.
Will it be my fault if he falls of the wagon? Will my family blame me for being weak in front of him? Am I an alcoholic if I can't resist a drink on Christmas Eve with my family? I will hold this guilt forever if he starts to drink again.

He might die this time. Pancreatitis 2 times in 2 years. He clearly was close to death 2 months ago.

Love you guys,
Sandy