tealeaf

My bf just got out of residential treatment. After talk of giving space etc. we were going to stay together. Day 1 back home he dumps me ... 2 days before I have to go to my family for Christmas. Wish I could cancel, but expensive non-refundable tickets were bought by my money-strapped folks. Plus, long-story short, it was a tough year for the rest of the family (not related to me or my bf's problems) and they are looking forward to me coming.

He ruined every holiday and special occasion when he was drinkining. Why not keep the streak going when he's on the brink of life as a sober man.

Got the whole disease speech, can't love until I love myself, peppered with AA jargon, BS. I know this sounds awful, but I'm thinking of not telling the family. It's humiliating. Blah. Hope y'all have a better holiday!

fancy

Maybe a trip is just what you need surrounded by parents and family that love you. You don't have to say anything to anyone if you don't want too. I know this must be painful. I don't know what to say just ((hugs)))

Live

I think I would ask him to reimburse for the ticket. That's responsible.

Peaches04

Hi Tealeaf....please go visit your family and enjoy yourself! You sound like you are allowing yourself to be dependent on him to determine how you will spend your holiday - happy or miserable. I wouldn't recommend keeping it a secret from your family - I only say that because I did it for a long time and isolated myself....when I finally told them they were soooo supportive and they have been my saving grace from going totally insane. You might be surprised by the kind of support they can give you. Ofcourse, that is totally up to you, and I understand the not wanting to tell - believe me, I didn't tell mine for years. Enjoy your holiday sweetie! Maybe a break from him and the chaos of recovery, is just what you need !

Live

Agreed!!!!!

tealeaf

Thanks guys. My family isn't exactly relaxing. They mean well. But I definitely would get a lecture (although they wouldn't know it was a lecture).

He was a member of my family (and I live far away from home), so I am sad. Live goes on and all that. It's just a little hard to make merry 2 days after losing a long-time friend/relative/love/whatever.

Hope you all enjoy your holidays.

nocellphone

Tea, all I can say is that I hope you remember to take care of you today and during the holidays (I've been told that the disease of alcoholism doesn't take holidays off...), no matter the circumstance or surroundings.

HP will take care of the rest, as always.

mr-rick

Yes, I've been there and I'm there. My wife recently drank after a six month bout of sobriety. I felt that way too - she has ruined Christmas... but then I went to a few meetings and realized that she doesn't have that power over me. I make my own happiness. If she wants to be there with me to enjoy it, then great. If not, then she can be miserable on her own. That's a bit of detachment for you. It was scary, but it is also empowering.

gelfling

Consider your trip to see family as a gift to yourself. You deserve it. They graciously got your ticket and it was a gift to you. Your gift to yourself is being with family and away from what would be considered a lot of grief and boredom.

His decision to split with you is not in tradition with AA. They recommend that life changing decisions not take place until after 1 year. He's flip flopping. He's staying, he's going. Let him go. He may/may not be on the brink of sobriety. Following the steps and traditions are a must for most people just going into sobriety.

Anyway, his sobriety/lack of, is not your worry. Be good to yourself.

Hugs, Kathy

cwohio

tea - what a bummer for you but you hold your happiness in your hands. i hope you decide to do whatever you feel most comfortable with at this time and can make a bit a happiness out of unhappy event.

hugs - cwohio

Petunia

Tealeaf,

This might be just the opportunity to let other people take care of you for a few days. You can tell them as much or as little as you choose. And you can tell them that you would prefer not to discuss the situation right now. And if necessary remind them, gently but firmly, if it comes up that you would prefer to discuss it at another time.

I remember the first time I told my F that I didn't appreciate his unsolicited opinion on a life choice I made. Amazingly enough he said fine, I won't offer an opinion unless you ask, and I didn't feel guilted or manipulated - I felt good that I was getting what I needed AND I stood up for myself.

I wish for you some peace and joy this holiday. It just might bubble up when you least expect it.

Peace,
Petunia
************************************************** *****


I am just a heartbeat away from loneliness.
--Laura Palmer

The holiday season can be difficult for anyone who has had a major life change. A person who has been widowed, has moved, or has had to deal with new physical limitations may become lonesome when each holiday, birthday, or anniversary rolls around.

We sometimes cause ourselves pain by isolating ourselves. We may feel that no one wants to share the holiday with us or that we dont wish to impose the inconvenience of illness upon friends.

By reminding ourselves of the meaning of these special days, we often find that we can move out of our isolation. Holidays and other occasions reaffirm the value of tradition, love, and family. These days compel us to remember our place within a welcoming circle of friends and family.

I can choose to reach out during the holidays or any day.


From the book - Finding the Joy in Today by Sefra Kobrin Pitzele

EndOfRoadWife

Tealeaf,

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise..Sometimes we just don't see it right away..Hope you enjoy yourself and embask in the love of your family!!