Do motives matter?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 21
Do motives matter?
As I have mentioned in my previous posts, my ex A and I split apart about 9 months ago, from a 5 year relationship, there has been basic/minimal contact. I am moving away in a couple months (selling my current property) My new home has all ready been purchased. I have been dating. He is aware of all of this.
The calls have been coming once a week, I have been avoiding them. He never leaves a message. Well I broke down and finally answered last night. He asked to see me and to talk. I agreed.
He claims he has been sober for 2 weeks. He is making promises, he wants to make us work, he cried, he promises, he begged, he promises. He did say things he has never said before such as "I promise you that you will never smell alcohol on me again" , "I do not want to live like this anymore". The only response I had was "What happened? Did you get arrested again? You need something?" He responeded "no". I ended the conversation with "I need to think about this"
I was in shock, I did not expect to hear these things, I thought after I slept on it things would be clearer. He has called twice this morning left messages, I did not have the nerve to answer. Nice, mushy, sweet messages, which is very unlike him. I feel very confused.
Is he just coming up with new lines? The holidays getting to him? I can not help myself but to question his motives, I have a million empty promises he has made, I can not trust a word he says.
Does it make a difference that he did this by himself and for the first time I did not force him. Can he change?
Coldgrip
The calls have been coming once a week, I have been avoiding them. He never leaves a message. Well I broke down and finally answered last night. He asked to see me and to talk. I agreed.
He claims he has been sober for 2 weeks. He is making promises, he wants to make us work, he cried, he promises, he begged, he promises. He did say things he has never said before such as "I promise you that you will never smell alcohol on me again" , "I do not want to live like this anymore". The only response I had was "What happened? Did you get arrested again? You need something?" He responeded "no". I ended the conversation with "I need to think about this"
I was in shock, I did not expect to hear these things, I thought after I slept on it things would be clearer. He has called twice this morning left messages, I did not have the nerve to answer. Nice, mushy, sweet messages, which is very unlike him. I feel very confused.
Is he just coming up with new lines? The holidays getting to him? I can not help myself but to question his motives, I have a million empty promises he has made, I can not trust a word he says.
Does it make a difference that he did this by himself and for the first time I did not force him. Can he change?
Coldgrip
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I think all you can go on is his actions, not his words. Take a look at his past example: as you said, he's given you "a million empty promises." Based on his past actions, I'm nearly 100% positive that this time will be no different. Two weeks without drinking does not mean he's on the road to recovery. Prior to attending AA, my AB has gone months without drinking on his own, only to revert back to his old ways when life presents him a problem (even a simple problem). Even though he's now in the third week of his 90-in-90 program, I still have no faith that he will be able to obtain sobriety--just hope.
Based on my experience, I believe it's likely that your AB is simply in need of a good Codie to take care of all his responsibilities so he can drink without guilt. You've come so far, and taking the first step by leaving him was so difficult, that I'd hate to see a little sweet talk weaken you.
Remember, sweet talk is just talk. Actions speak louder than words. I'd stop receiving his calls until you decide the best course of action. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
Based on my experience, I believe it's likely that your AB is simply in need of a good Codie to take care of all his responsibilities so he can drink without guilt. You've come so far, and taking the first step by leaving him was so difficult, that I'd hate to see a little sweet talk weaken you.
Remember, sweet talk is just talk. Actions speak louder than words. I'd stop receiving his calls until you decide the best course of action. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Please don't give him a second chance unless YOU want to. Don't feel obligated because of your past relationship or be manipulated by what he's saying. Listen to your mind and your heart. What do you feel? What do YOU want?
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
[B]Coldgrip,
As a good friend often says, and FormerDoormat noted as well, "Show me, don't tell me". Fear is a huge motivator for some folks, but outside of running from a burning building I cannot admit to having made any good/healthy decisions while in the grips of fear.
You've been apart for 9 months and he has been sober for 2 weeks. That leaves 8 months and 2 other weeks that he continued his old behavior. Just my 2 cents worth. You deserve to be happy, healthy, respected, loved, honored, cherished and heard in your relationships. Has that been the case?
Keep the focus on what you need right now. You've worked too hard to get this far to lose direction now.
Hugs,
Petunia
As a good friend often says, and FormerDoormat noted as well, "Show me, don't tell me". Fear is a huge motivator for some folks, but outside of running from a burning building I cannot admit to having made any good/healthy decisions while in the grips of fear.
You've been apart for 9 months and he has been sober for 2 weeks. That leaves 8 months and 2 other weeks that he continued his old behavior. Just my 2 cents worth. You deserve to be happy, healthy, respected, loved, honored, cherished and heard in your relationships. Has that been the case?
Keep the focus on what you need right now. You've worked too hard to get this far to lose direction now.
Hugs,
Petunia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 21
I love him, I always will. I will not be with him if he is drinking. That is the long and and the short of it.
No matter what, I have made the decisions for myself to move on with or without him. I will not let him move into my home or do his laundry or feed him or anything else. Some serious time would have to be involved before any of that would be considered. However, I know he effects my emotional being, I do not even want to watch if there is no chance. I am just to tired for his crap.
FormerDoormat- I do not believe a word he says. He is acting out of character right now, it is throughing me for a loop. I have to agree with you, his actions will speak louder than his words. He is in AA (so he claims), he as well has stopped for months at a time always reverting back.
Jessica-My head and heart say different things. head tells me run away. heart is saying maybe he is waking up.
Petunia-Bouncing this of all you is making me see/feel more. I think sometimes i forget as foolish as that sounds.
I am typing and all I can think to myself, I can not do this AGAIN..he will hurt me AGAIN. History will only repeat it's self, I do not want to put that control in his hands, If I have control history will not repeats it's self. What is really different this time? He did this on his own this time? Is that really a difference?
No matter what, I have made the decisions for myself to move on with or without him. I will not let him move into my home or do his laundry or feed him or anything else. Some serious time would have to be involved before any of that would be considered. However, I know he effects my emotional being, I do not even want to watch if there is no chance. I am just to tired for his crap.
FormerDoormat- I do not believe a word he says. He is acting out of character right now, it is throughing me for a loop. I have to agree with you, his actions will speak louder than his words. He is in AA (so he claims), he as well has stopped for months at a time always reverting back.
Jessica-My head and heart say different things. head tells me run away. heart is saying maybe he is waking up.
Petunia-Bouncing this of all you is making me see/feel more. I think sometimes i forget as foolish as that sounds.
I am typing and all I can think to myself, I can not do this AGAIN..he will hurt me AGAIN. History will only repeat it's self, I do not want to put that control in his hands, If I have control history will not repeats it's self. What is really different this time? He did this on his own this time? Is that really a difference?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Put your faith in your HP. You don't have to make a decision today. Even if you do start seeing him again, there is NO ONE who says that has to be permanent.
What is different this time? YOU ARE - and with you, history will not repeat because you are much wiser and stronger to the reality of this whole situation.
What is different this time? YOU ARE - and with you, history will not repeat because you are much wiser and stronger to the reality of this whole situation.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Sutherlin Oregon
Posts: 7
Is he just coming up with new lines? The holidays getting to him? I can not help myself but to question his motives, I have a million empty promises he has made, I can not trust a word he says.
Does it make a difference that he did this by himself and for the first time I did not force him. Can he change?
Coldgrip[/QUOTE]
Coldgrip:
I understand the confusing feelings. There have been so many empty promises over the years, it is hard to trust in what he says, it is also hard to trust yourself to know what is true and what is not.
I know that there is no easy answer to this question. I know that each and every situation is different. You go through a lot of the same things as other people, but never exactly the same, and each person is different.
I know I left my A, we were split up for about 8 months. He called all the time begged, pleaded, sent me flowers all sorts of things. He made me so many promises.
He even started going to church. He never would go to AA, but he did start counseling with the minister of the church he went to. He quit drinking for about 3 weeks, we started doing things together as a family, and I stayed living in another house. Finally after about 2 months of this, I agreed to move back in, so that we could live together as a family. Things were really going well. Then after about a month, I found out that he had been secretly drinking. He wasn't getting drunk only a few beers. When I confronted him, he only said he was still struggling, it was hard. He had stopped seeing the minister, over time, the drinking became more, and rather then keeping it out side the house he started coming in and drinking.
That has been 5 years ago, and he is worse today then he was ever before. He is not quit as mentally abusive, so he has done some changing, but he is still an A, and he does still get mentally abusive when he is drunk.
My point to telling you this is, no one but you can make this decision, and the out come may not be clear for some time. I agree that if you were to ever give him a chance, that he needs to prove himself to you. That is going to take longer then a couple of weeks.
If he is truly serious about recovering, he needs to focus on that and not trying to win you back. He needs to take his recovery one day at a time, and before he can make a life for and with you again, he has to get through this first. Two weeks is a great accomplishment, but there is so much farther to go. He has to work on his recovery and get to a certain spot before he can move on and start full filing the promises that he wants to or has made to you.
I wish you the best of luck!!! my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Does it make a difference that he did this by himself and for the first time I did not force him. Can he change?
Coldgrip[/QUOTE]
Coldgrip:
I understand the confusing feelings. There have been so many empty promises over the years, it is hard to trust in what he says, it is also hard to trust yourself to know what is true and what is not.
I know that there is no easy answer to this question. I know that each and every situation is different. You go through a lot of the same things as other people, but never exactly the same, and each person is different.
I know I left my A, we were split up for about 8 months. He called all the time begged, pleaded, sent me flowers all sorts of things. He made me so many promises.
He even started going to church. He never would go to AA, but he did start counseling with the minister of the church he went to. He quit drinking for about 3 weeks, we started doing things together as a family, and I stayed living in another house. Finally after about 2 months of this, I agreed to move back in, so that we could live together as a family. Things were really going well. Then after about a month, I found out that he had been secretly drinking. He wasn't getting drunk only a few beers. When I confronted him, he only said he was still struggling, it was hard. He had stopped seeing the minister, over time, the drinking became more, and rather then keeping it out side the house he started coming in and drinking.
That has been 5 years ago, and he is worse today then he was ever before. He is not quit as mentally abusive, so he has done some changing, but he is still an A, and he does still get mentally abusive when he is drunk.
My point to telling you this is, no one but you can make this decision, and the out come may not be clear for some time. I agree that if you were to ever give him a chance, that he needs to prove himself to you. That is going to take longer then a couple of weeks.
If he is truly serious about recovering, he needs to focus on that and not trying to win you back. He needs to take his recovery one day at a time, and before he can make a life for and with you again, he has to get through this first. Two weeks is a great accomplishment, but there is so much farther to go. He has to work on his recovery and get to a certain spot before he can move on and start full filing the promises that he wants to or has made to you.
I wish you the best of luck!!! my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Originally Posted by shrinkal
If he is truly serious about recovering, he needs to focus on that and not trying to win you back. He needs to take his recovery one day at a time, and before he can make a life for and with you again, he has to get through this first.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: a state of insanity
Posts: 37
Continue on with your move and dating the new guy. You have come to far to go back. Nothing says he can't call or come around after he has ben sober for a year or two.
He needs to put all of his energy in himself and his recovery. Take care of yourself.
He needs to put all of his energy in himself and his recovery. Take care of yourself.
I'm moving on
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 17
Coldgrip,
I am going through a very similar situation. I moved two hours away a few months ago and got a new job. I was convinced that AH would not change and I was determined to start a new life. Then two months later, AH started saying things I hadn't heard him say before. I thought about it a lot and eventually agreed to spend weekends with him. Now I am all confused and feeling in limbo again, not knowing what to do.
I don't want to go through the nightmares of the past with his drinking and belligerent and threatening behavior. A few weeks ago we got into a fight and he ran off to a bar and had 2 beers. I got the "it's so hard, but I am working on it" story too. This week he has started taking some medication called "zonegran" that is supposed to curb cravings for things. Now he is swearing that is keeping him from wanting alcohol.
Logically my mind too tells me to run, but my heart doesn't want to let go because I love him and I feel that he is really trying. I know it is hard to deal with.
I hope that we all find the happiness that I know we all deserve.
I am going through a very similar situation. I moved two hours away a few months ago and got a new job. I was convinced that AH would not change and I was determined to start a new life. Then two months later, AH started saying things I hadn't heard him say before. I thought about it a lot and eventually agreed to spend weekends with him. Now I am all confused and feeling in limbo again, not knowing what to do.
I don't want to go through the nightmares of the past with his drinking and belligerent and threatening behavior. A few weeks ago we got into a fight and he ran off to a bar and had 2 beers. I got the "it's so hard, but I am working on it" story too. This week he has started taking some medication called "zonegran" that is supposed to curb cravings for things. Now he is swearing that is keeping him from wanting alcohol.
Logically my mind too tells me to run, but my heart doesn't want to let go because I love him and I feel that he is really trying. I know it is hard to deal with.
I hope that we all find the happiness that I know we all deserve.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Carrollton TX
Posts: 466
Hi coldgrip! I know how confusing this will be. I've actually been through this... too many times. I asked my AH to leave a few months ago and he came back and said he would quit drinking for 30 days, and like you - it's the first indication I'd EVER had that he agreed he might have a problem. I was completely at peace with my decision for him to leave, which was huge to me because I have 2 very small children. I was not sad, not angry, I was at peace.
Well, I agreed to give it a try. Fast forward two months and he's drinking again - nothing has changed. Except now I'm in limbo again, waiting for the next opportunity to tell him to leave and be at peace with my decision to make him leave and get a divorce. He pulled me right back in with hope and promises, and now I feel like I am back at square one - more time wasted.
Not to say that your story will end up like mine....I just wish to hell I had stood strong and said "NO! You can come back when and if you are fully recovered in my eyes...if I'm still around - great! If not, it wasn't meant to be!"...
I wish you hope and faith sweetie!
Well, I agreed to give it a try. Fast forward two months and he's drinking again - nothing has changed. Except now I'm in limbo again, waiting for the next opportunity to tell him to leave and be at peace with my decision to make him leave and get a divorce. He pulled me right back in with hope and promises, and now I feel like I am back at square one - more time wasted.
Not to say that your story will end up like mine....I just wish to hell I had stood strong and said "NO! You can come back when and if you are fully recovered in my eyes...if I'm still around - great! If not, it wasn't meant to be!"...
I wish you hope and faith sweetie!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 21
You are all great! You all gave me the strength to do what I know is the right thing.
I thought all day about this. I thought more after reading all your posts. I returned his phone call tonight and told him basically I will keep moving forward with my life, keeping 1/2 an eye on him.
I can not believe him, I have no faith in his ability/want to stop drinking. I am tired and am not setting myself up for another let down. He needs to focus on himself, as I on me. I am going to keep dating. I need more than 2 weeks, I also told him he was precious to me, and that I loved him, but I deserve/need to be respected and loved. I need/want someone who loves and respects themself. I can not allow him to me hold be back any longer. I told him he needs to do what ever he wants to do. be happy..if that means getting hammered every night, do not let me stop you. If being sober is what you want then be sober. I told him the choice was his, he is responsible for his own life. I do not want him to tell me anything, no more promises, I only want action.
He asked if he could call/see me so he could show/tell me his progress, he also said he did not expect me to do anything, he knows this is his work to be done. He claims I have given enough and it is his turn to give to me. He said he only is asking me to watch him, he claims he knows how much he has hurt me/let me down.
I told him if I felt like speaking/seeing him I would. If not then I wouldn't. I could not make any promises.
I do not know if I left him hopeless, all I know is I have hope for myself. My thought is if i ever decide to try again, I want better odds than this. To me this is a another let down. I will wait, if he has actions to back up his words..fine but if not..that will be fine too. I am not investing anymore into this. i all ready knee deep emtionally without him adding to it. I was thinking 6 months is a good run, then maybe weekends and quality phone time are a option.
Was I to harsh when I spoke to him? Am i being unrealistic by thinking 6 months is long enough to give better odds of him remaining sober?
I thought all day about this. I thought more after reading all your posts. I returned his phone call tonight and told him basically I will keep moving forward with my life, keeping 1/2 an eye on him.
I can not believe him, I have no faith in his ability/want to stop drinking. I am tired and am not setting myself up for another let down. He needs to focus on himself, as I on me. I am going to keep dating. I need more than 2 weeks, I also told him he was precious to me, and that I loved him, but I deserve/need to be respected and loved. I need/want someone who loves and respects themself. I can not allow him to me hold be back any longer. I told him he needs to do what ever he wants to do. be happy..if that means getting hammered every night, do not let me stop you. If being sober is what you want then be sober. I told him the choice was his, he is responsible for his own life. I do not want him to tell me anything, no more promises, I only want action.
He asked if he could call/see me so he could show/tell me his progress, he also said he did not expect me to do anything, he knows this is his work to be done. He claims I have given enough and it is his turn to give to me. He said he only is asking me to watch him, he claims he knows how much he has hurt me/let me down.
I told him if I felt like speaking/seeing him I would. If not then I wouldn't. I could not make any promises.
I do not know if I left him hopeless, all I know is I have hope for myself. My thought is if i ever decide to try again, I want better odds than this. To me this is a another let down. I will wait, if he has actions to back up his words..fine but if not..that will be fine too. I am not investing anymore into this. i all ready knee deep emtionally without him adding to it. I was thinking 6 months is a good run, then maybe weekends and quality phone time are a option.
Was I to harsh when I spoke to him? Am i being unrealistic by thinking 6 months is long enough to give better odds of him remaining sober?
Dont fade away.....
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 33
Arrested development
I do believe in this, I believe my AH arrested development is age 15, that is why his anger and threats at the end were so tantrum like....and his fear of confronting, the lies, the broken promises, and truly my husband didnt know what to do, I used to say, "Do the right thing". and later I believe, he didn't know what that was,....when I left him three months ago, he didnt understand why. It was the eve of my birthday, and he had band practice, like usual, but he came home at 4am. I had it,...and confronted. He was angry and aggressive, which he had never been before, becuause he was threatened, and said thing like, "It was just a matter of time" everyone leaves me, or he'd compare me to his other women, of past. And that was it, the next morning I called his best friend and had him moved out....it was ugly.
Point being,....he wasn't responding as a man, and I saw how childlike he was, projecting, holding his eyes away from me, and till this day he wont speak to me, only emails. Mean I may add. I was hurt, wondering where he went, something died that day, our marriage, maybe his heart, but I couldnt stay to be his mommy anymore...
what I'm reading from all of you wonderful ladies, are the same patterns we all make, do these men want mommies? or wives? and what is the best thing?
we take care of us,,yes I miss him, but not the tears, and the pain and the confusion...I dont have to argue with insanity anymore....I am free.
I have given it all to my higher power, and I'm buddhist, so it all resides within me, we are powerful, and now I see my light, I left him because when I saw my reflection in his eyes, I was small, with broken wings and spirit,..and I was falling,....and he was too....yet he couldnt see me....
It wasn't about love, we love them plenty, its about the way we love us.
I do believe in miracle, and do believe we can all change, but we have to face our demons, and fear...we have to be couragous!!!
so my sweet sister, go forward into your light, and life, be grateful to yourself for claiming your power!!! and make him work for it!!!! he needs to win you and honor you, and make you sacred....
as for now, have fun, find your smile, eat oreo's in bed!!! be in love with you!!!
to all the loved ones, the ladies, the men and all who are in al-anon and AA,...
I love you!!! HUGS and DOODLEBUGS!!!!
Point being,....he wasn't responding as a man, and I saw how childlike he was, projecting, holding his eyes away from me, and till this day he wont speak to me, only emails. Mean I may add. I was hurt, wondering where he went, something died that day, our marriage, maybe his heart, but I couldnt stay to be his mommy anymore...
what I'm reading from all of you wonderful ladies, are the same patterns we all make, do these men want mommies? or wives? and what is the best thing?
we take care of us,,yes I miss him, but not the tears, and the pain and the confusion...I dont have to argue with insanity anymore....I am free.
I have given it all to my higher power, and I'm buddhist, so it all resides within me, we are powerful, and now I see my light, I left him because when I saw my reflection in his eyes, I was small, with broken wings and spirit,..and I was falling,....and he was too....yet he couldnt see me....
It wasn't about love, we love them plenty, its about the way we love us.
I do believe in miracle, and do believe we can all change, but we have to face our demons, and fear...we have to be couragous!!!
so my sweet sister, go forward into your light, and life, be grateful to yourself for claiming your power!!! and make him work for it!!!! he needs to win you and honor you, and make you sacred....
as for now, have fun, find your smile, eat oreo's in bed!!! be in love with you!!!
to all the loved ones, the ladies, the men and all who are in al-anon and AA,...
I love you!!! HUGS and DOODLEBUGS!!!!
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Coldgrip,
I can only speak of my experience which is when I split with my ABF of 2 years it was permanent. He was not going to stop drinking for any reason that existed at that time and the only thing that was occurring is that my life was being put on hold up until that point while I awaited his recovery to start.
He asked me to wait for him. I told him I wouldn't. He thought I was cold. In my quiet moments I felt guilty and at times I did talk to him on the phone. And the only that did was fuel his thougths that we might get back together. But he never stopped drinking.
Fast forward 2 years. I am in the best relationship of my life. It is what I call my first "adult/grown up" love because I have more love for myself and expect a hell of a lot more from my partner than I ever did from anyone prior. And you know what - he gives me what I want and need. Love, respect, patience, kindness, honest, and sobriety. He is in his seveth year of sobriety...I still fell in love with an alcoholic but this one was in recovery.
All I'm saying is that my life would not be as full, peaceful, loving, gracious as it is now if I had stayed or taken the old ABF back. Or kept in contact. Pollution pollutes...and polluted people pollute those they are around - until we get smarter.
I wish you peace as you come to your decision. You deserve all the wonderful things that life can offer -
Peace,
Petunia
I can only speak of my experience which is when I split with my ABF of 2 years it was permanent. He was not going to stop drinking for any reason that existed at that time and the only thing that was occurring is that my life was being put on hold up until that point while I awaited his recovery to start.
He asked me to wait for him. I told him I wouldn't. He thought I was cold. In my quiet moments I felt guilty and at times I did talk to him on the phone. And the only that did was fuel his thougths that we might get back together. But he never stopped drinking.
Fast forward 2 years. I am in the best relationship of my life. It is what I call my first "adult/grown up" love because I have more love for myself and expect a hell of a lot more from my partner than I ever did from anyone prior. And you know what - he gives me what I want and need. Love, respect, patience, kindness, honest, and sobriety. He is in his seveth year of sobriety...I still fell in love with an alcoholic but this one was in recovery.
All I'm saying is that my life would not be as full, peaceful, loving, gracious as it is now if I had stayed or taken the old ABF back. Or kept in contact. Pollution pollutes...and polluted people pollute those they are around - until we get smarter.
I wish you peace as you come to your decision. You deserve all the wonderful things that life can offer -
Peace,
Petunia
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
I'm pretty much with the rest of the gang. You have made a life for yourself please don't give it up for 2-3 weeks of sobriety and some begging and promising. If after
2 or 3 years of working a program and staying sober it might be worth thinking about
but not after such a shot time and no mention of a program. My AH has not been drinking for 10-12 weeks but he is not getting any help so he is really just a dry drunk.
The old behavior patterns are still there. Be happy about your new life and don't
spend to much time worrying about this. Smiles--Dee
2 or 3 years of working a program and staying sober it might be worth thinking about
but not after such a shot time and no mention of a program. My AH has not been drinking for 10-12 weeks but he is not getting any help so he is really just a dry drunk.
The old behavior patterns are still there. Be happy about your new life and don't
spend to much time worrying about this. Smiles--Dee
Dont fade away.....
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by Petunia
All I'm saying is that my life would not be as full, peaceful, loving, gracious as it is now if I had stayed or taken the old ABF back. Or kept in contact. Pollution pollutes...and polluted people pollute those they are around - until we get smarter.
Peace,
Petunia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 21
I feel emotionally (healing) I am light years behind you all.
I feel I made the right decision however, I think I left too many doors open to him. What I mean is by telling him he can call me, he called 6 or 7 times today. I took the last call. The last call being the last call only because I lost my temper with him. I asked one question (a subject he apparently did not want to discuss) he quickly became very defensive, i stopped him and responded to him with "you can take you 2 weeks add with every other time you so call tried and shove them all up your a**, Budwiezer does not live here and neither do you. This is for the birds and the last time I looked I am not a bird, Life has been great without Budwiezer and you," I hung up on him. He has not called back.
As soon as I hung up the phone I felt this weight lift off my shoulders. I know I love him, but I am unsure of how much. I almost feel guilty for not caring as much...not loving him as much. Between the women, neglect, abuse, all the crap I have been through with him I think I might have really quit the relationship.
I am proud or myself at the same time.
Part of me feels like a little kid wiggling my butt teasing a bully who can not physically get at me only can verbal threaten.
I love life now, I have good and bad days, but overall It has been great,peaceful, calm, and a bunch of other good feelings. Feelings I never got being around him.
Thank you all-Coldgrip
I feel I made the right decision however, I think I left too many doors open to him. What I mean is by telling him he can call me, he called 6 or 7 times today. I took the last call. The last call being the last call only because I lost my temper with him. I asked one question (a subject he apparently did not want to discuss) he quickly became very defensive, i stopped him and responded to him with "you can take you 2 weeks add with every other time you so call tried and shove them all up your a**, Budwiezer does not live here and neither do you. This is for the birds and the last time I looked I am not a bird, Life has been great without Budwiezer and you," I hung up on him. He has not called back.
As soon as I hung up the phone I felt this weight lift off my shoulders. I know I love him, but I am unsure of how much. I almost feel guilty for not caring as much...not loving him as much. Between the women, neglect, abuse, all the crap I have been through with him I think I might have really quit the relationship.
I am proud or myself at the same time.
Part of me feels like a little kid wiggling my butt teasing a bully who can not physically get at me only can verbal threaten.
I love life now, I have good and bad days, but overall It has been great,peaceful, calm, and a bunch of other good feelings. Feelings I never got being around him.
Thank you all-Coldgrip
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
