kilanilaufy

Hey guys, I hope you are all doing well. If you don't know I joined here earlier this year due to my dads relapse after 12 years. Since then, I developed new hobbies such as going to the gym and I'm pretty busy with school so I'm pretty satisfied with my lifestyle, and in general I feel happy. Also, the support I received from others here and to feel I'm not in this alone here has helped more than I thought. Im 20 at the moment so I can't unfortunately move out but so far I feel like I am learning to heal/process from his relapse (I was doing pretty bad when I found it) but has anyone ever felt extreme stress/discomfort thinking about the day you found out/discovered your loved one has relapsed. Recently I have been experiencing nightmares about it, I can't bring myself to see the people that I saw that day, and I physically can't go to any place that reminds me of that day. I have a bad habit of repressing uncomfortable feelings and I'm a little hard on myself when I feel like this because I don't think anyone wants to feel like this. I don't really have any other family to talk to this about/none of my friends know anyone that has suffered from alcoholism so I was just wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar to this? If so what has helped?

trailmix

Hi kilani, glad things are going better for you.

What you are experiencing is anxiety, basically probably brought on by fear.

You shouldn't be hard on yourself, I doubt there are many people that haven't felt that. I used to be hard on myself too, then I asked myself what I was accomplishing. For instance what does it accomplish when you look in the mirror and tell yourself your hair looks like crap today or you are too thin or too big or too short etc etc.

Well that goes for many things. If you are feeling fear and anxiety, how does being unkind to yourself help? I guarantee you it doesn't. Maybe instead of something like "feeling this scared is stupid" - replace that with, "I'm going to be kind to myself today". That doesn't mean repressing the fear, just that you don't have to be mean to yourself!

I am no psychologist, but I do know anxiety and the way to conquer it? Face those fears you are having. Be scared and just do it anyway, go to those places, see those people, don't repress your feelings, maybe write them out first? Include your fears about your Dad never getting back in to recovery.

Now, again, I'm no psychologist, just letting you know what worked for me. It also doesn't mean visit all those places and maybe invite all those people too, on the same day! Small steps. Maybe the first time out, just go near one of the places, just sit or walk nearby. What you have built up in your mind and what is actually there is probably quite different. You are much stronger than you think.

Stung

Strongly recommend al-anon or therapy. It's very typical to have strong feelings about a parent's relapse and it's healthy to talk about it. While this forum is a step in that direction, speaking with someone (the most important part is being and feeling heard) in person will help you greatly in healing and moving past this instance.

kilanilaufy

Hey Traimix,

Thank you for replying and your constant support! you are 100% correct sometimes being harder on myself does 10x more damage then the thing that brought me to feel like this. I will def try taking some small steps and try my best to face those fears.

" What you have built up in your mind and what is actually there is probably quite different. You are much stronger than you think."

When you said this It really put things into perspective for me, so thank you so much for your wise words always ill keep you updated!

kilanilaufy

Hey Stung,

Thanks for replying! I have been taking counselling since my dad relapsed and I find that it doesn't help as much as I thought. Physical activity and hearing other peoples stories and what they have gone though have been the two things that have been helping the most. I have looked into aI-anon and I def want to give it a shot (but I have chickened out a few times) I might try maybe an online zoom meeting and see how it goes!