Court at last
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
Court at last
Appologies to any new people here, my post might not make much sense. If you fancy reading a long, long story about divorcing an alcoholic then read some of my previous threads.
We went to court today. I thought to talk about the division of the property that we own jointly - a house and a piece of land. No. My ex husband asked that I give him 10,000, half of the sale of the bit of property we sold 2 years ago and 13,000 to pay half his credit card bill. He arrived on crutches with an exaggerated limp, What theatre!!!
So Iīm trying to wrap my head around this. The credit card is in his name. I might have been stupid enough to marry him but I was never stupid enough to have a joint bank account with him. I donīt think this claim can stand up in court. I have asked him to provide evidence justifying why he thinks its my responsibility.
and the land......wow......we borrowed money from my dad to buy 2 bits of land. we sold one. I paid my dad back, Ex husband has occupancy of other bit. He wants his half? his half of the money that we got for the land that he never paid for in the first place? The sad thing is, he actually does feel really hard done by and that I have screwed him because I got some money and he didnīt even though he has had occupancy of our house and land for 5 years while I have been paying rent. And all the money I got went back to my dad to pay OUR debt
His brain does not work anymore and i feel really sad that I now have to present a load of evidence to the judge to prove all the financial transactions, which I can do. He really really believes that I owe him money. And heīs paying a lawyer to try to prove it. His mum must be paying the lawyer because he doesnīt have any money.
I feel really sad for him, for the kids and for me. we were once a happy family. Itīs sad to see him in such a sorry, desperate state,
After court I went and got 2 teeth out at the dentist. What a lovely day!!! we go back to court in a month
We went to court today. I thought to talk about the division of the property that we own jointly - a house and a piece of land. No. My ex husband asked that I give him 10,000, half of the sale of the bit of property we sold 2 years ago and 13,000 to pay half his credit card bill. He arrived on crutches with an exaggerated limp, What theatre!!!
So Iīm trying to wrap my head around this. The credit card is in his name. I might have been stupid enough to marry him but I was never stupid enough to have a joint bank account with him. I donīt think this claim can stand up in court. I have asked him to provide evidence justifying why he thinks its my responsibility.
and the land......wow......we borrowed money from my dad to buy 2 bits of land. we sold one. I paid my dad back, Ex husband has occupancy of other bit. He wants his half? his half of the money that we got for the land that he never paid for in the first place? The sad thing is, he actually does feel really hard done by and that I have screwed him because I got some money and he didnīt even though he has had occupancy of our house and land for 5 years while I have been paying rent. And all the money I got went back to my dad to pay OUR debt
His brain does not work anymore and i feel really sad that I now have to present a load of evidence to the judge to prove all the financial transactions, which I can do. He really really believes that I owe him money. And heīs paying a lawyer to try to prove it. His mum must be paying the lawyer because he doesnīt have any money.
I feel really sad for him, for the kids and for me. we were once a happy family. Itīs sad to see him in such a sorry, desperate state,
After court I went and got 2 teeth out at the dentist. What a lovely day!!! we go back to court in a month
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,618
Well isn't that just something. I do wonder why his lawyer didn't inform your lawyer (or you) what he was going to claim so that everyone would be prepared. But I guess that's kind of a ridiculous question considering.
I suppose his claims superseded your issues because one must be settled before the other.
Yes, I'm sorry he is in the state he is in. He needn't be though, do keep that in mind, he could change things if he was so inclined. And no, he is obviously not thinking clearly about any of it. I'll be happy for you when that is all taken care of in a month and you can proceed with the real issues.
omg what a day you had!
I hope you are sitting back with a cup of tea and relaxing now, or soon will be.
I suppose his claims superseded your issues because one must be settled before the other.
Yes, I'm sorry he is in the state he is in. He needn't be though, do keep that in mind, he could change things if he was so inclined. And no, he is obviously not thinking clearly about any of it. I'll be happy for you when that is all taken care of in a month and you can proceed with the real issues.
omg what a day you had!
I hope you are sitting back with a cup of tea and relaxing now, or soon will be.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Huh, I don't understand court proceedings because I've never been through one. When my ex and I got divorced, we didn't own a thing of value, really.
I would have thought all the records pertaining to the land and sale and money exchanges would have been part of the original financial filings and a decision about these petty demands of his could have been made then and there.
I'm sorry this continues!! I hope you aren't in much pain from your dental work! Take good care, and hang in there!
I would have thought all the records pertaining to the land and sale and money exchanges would have been part of the original financial filings and a decision about these petty demands of his could have been made then and there.
I'm sorry this continues!! I hope you aren't in much pain from your dental work! Take good care, and hang in there!
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
The way it works where we live, the divorce happens first and then the division of the assets. It's taking so long. I thought we were going to talk about dividing the house and remaining bit of land. It was a shock and disappointment when I realised we are entering into a long petty game where only the lawyers win. Thankfully I have a free lawyer. My ex does not.
I so much want this to be over. I so much do not want to be pulled into another drama. I could just sign the lot over to him and walk away but I'm not going to. It's hard to swallow - I gave everything to this guy and still he wants more. Just like his appetite for cocaine and alcohol - it will never be enough.
I guess heīs just playing for time as well. As long as weīre in a dispute he can stay in the house.
He looked terrible at the court. I have been preparing myself for a long time now for his possible death. He has threatened suicide so many times and looked like heīs on the verge of a heart attack so many times. I cancelled the divorce 3 times because I thought the stress might kill him. I feel ready to go through with it now. this has been going on for 5 years!!
I no longer feel responsible for him. His consequences are his to deal with. Itīs taken me a very long time to get to this point.
And thank you Seren, my mouth is feeling pretty good after the dentist
I so much want this to be over. I so much do not want to be pulled into another drama. I could just sign the lot over to him and walk away but I'm not going to. It's hard to swallow - I gave everything to this guy and still he wants more. Just like his appetite for cocaine and alcohol - it will never be enough.
I guess heīs just playing for time as well. As long as weīre in a dispute he can stay in the house.
He looked terrible at the court. I have been preparing myself for a long time now for his possible death. He has threatened suicide so many times and looked like heīs on the verge of a heart attack so many times. I cancelled the divorce 3 times because I thought the stress might kill him. I feel ready to go through with it now. this has been going on for 5 years!!
I no longer feel responsible for him. His consequences are his to deal with. Itīs taken me a very long time to get to this point.
And thank you Seren, my mouth is feeling pretty good after the dentist
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Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 334
Amaranth your boundaries are just *chefs kiss*.
Im sorry hes playing these games, but youre so spot on to see them for what they are and found a way to not let them get to you. Which is awesome. I hope it all resolves soon!
Im sorry hes playing these games, but youre so spot on to see them for what they are and found a way to not let them get to you. Which is awesome. I hope it all resolves soon!
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
we went to court a month ago. The judge said it was too complicated. come back in a month with an agreement or she would order a public auction (worst case scenario) That date would have been tomorrow. After the last court day, nothing happened. Two weeks ago I contacted my lawyer to ask what was happening. The other lawyer wasnīt answering his calls. Turns out my ex wasnīt answering his lawyers calls. 1 week to go and the kids decide to help negotiate a deal, They phoned their dad and met with him and his lawyer. It started out really well intentioned. Their dad still threatened to burn everything down and kill himself but as the week went on they seemed to be making progress. So at 6pm tonight, the day before court, I get sent a proposal. It is exactly the same as things are now.... the ex stays in the house until it is sold at which point he will move onto the farm but now I somehow owe him quite a bit of money so he will keep the farm and I will get less than half the value of everything at some unspecified time in the future. The lawyer then told me my kids said they would testify against me in court, My kids then did a big blame dump on me and said I had to sign, or lose them. That I was making dad homeless blah blah same old nonsense, poor dad, poor dad
they have been manipulated into ganging up on me again and falling for their fatherīs crap, again. I am feeling incredibly hurt by all of this at the moment.
I managed to get a 30 day extension on the grounds of having being sent the proposal so last minute that I didnīt have time to think it over. Someone, either me or him, has to activate proceedings again within the 30 days. If no one does, the case will be archived and we have to start from scratch. Iīm not going to activate it. He wonīt activate it because he already has everything that we jointly own. So that is that. At the last minute the kids said their dad had agreed to sell everything to avoid the public auction. If he really wants to sell everything, we can. We donīt need lawyers for that.
The grandbaby is due in three weeks. I was so hoping these weeks were going to be happy. Today has been horrible. I donīt even think my kids are speaking to me now- They have said some terrible things today. I think they just donīt understand how devious and manipulative their father is. Even when the totally crap deal was written out in black and white they couldnīt see how in his favour it was. My lawyer couldnīt believe how the kids had been duped or that they were prepared to testify against me.
So I carry on. I have my place. My friend that lent me the money to buy it is very sick so I am no longer paying her in money but in time taking her to her hospital appointments and generally looking after her. Iīm not destitue and Iīm not desperate. I hope to heal the rift with the kids before the baby comes.
My sonīs mother in law is coming to stay with me in 2 weeks.
Now I hand it all over to my higher power. It will work itself out in its own time.
they have been manipulated into ganging up on me again and falling for their fatherīs crap, again. I am feeling incredibly hurt by all of this at the moment.
I managed to get a 30 day extension on the grounds of having being sent the proposal so last minute that I didnīt have time to think it over. Someone, either me or him, has to activate proceedings again within the 30 days. If no one does, the case will be archived and we have to start from scratch. Iīm not going to activate it. He wonīt activate it because he already has everything that we jointly own. So that is that. At the last minute the kids said their dad had agreed to sell everything to avoid the public auction. If he really wants to sell everything, we can. We donīt need lawyers for that.
The grandbaby is due in three weeks. I was so hoping these weeks were going to be happy. Today has been horrible. I donīt even think my kids are speaking to me now- They have said some terrible things today. I think they just donīt understand how devious and manipulative their father is. Even when the totally crap deal was written out in black and white they couldnīt see how in his favour it was. My lawyer couldnīt believe how the kids had been duped or that they were prepared to testify against me.
So I carry on. I have my place. My friend that lent me the money to buy it is very sick so I am no longer paying her in money but in time taking her to her hospital appointments and generally looking after her. Iīm not destitue and Iīm not desperate. I hope to heal the rift with the kids before the baby comes.
My sonīs mother in law is coming to stay with me in 2 weeks.
Now I hand it all over to my higher power. It will work itself out in its own time.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,618
I am just shaking my head, I'm sorry it came to this Amaranth, but perhaps it was inevitable.
If you have one parent that has great influence over your child(ren), this happens. The fact that they lived there was kind of the seal on that deal.
I won't go in to details but I know exactly how that happens and when they won't listen or see your side or see WHO YOU ARE, it is impossible to change to any great degree. It's like the thing where when someone is telling their side of the story and the other person says "you're just being defensive", it's a dead end street of a conversation.
Personally I have just let it go - off in to the wind and it will be what it will be. That's from a relationship standpoint. Personally, if I was in your situation I would say sell, tell them you agree and are ready to sell now.
You're right that they don't understand how devious and manipulative he is. He sounds narcissistic to a great degree and they are his flying monkey's now. It's terrible for you, I know and I think there is hope in the fact that your Son's MIL is coming to stay with you, simply because you two will probably get along just fine and that will help mend the fence so the baby's arrival can just be a happy time.
If you have one parent that has great influence over your child(ren), this happens. The fact that they lived there was kind of the seal on that deal.
I won't go in to details but I know exactly how that happens and when they won't listen or see your side or see WHO YOU ARE, it is impossible to change to any great degree. It's like the thing where when someone is telling their side of the story and the other person says "you're just being defensive", it's a dead end street of a conversation.
Personally I have just let it go - off in to the wind and it will be what it will be. That's from a relationship standpoint. Personally, if I was in your situation I would say sell, tell them you agree and are ready to sell now.
You're right that they don't understand how devious and manipulative he is. He sounds narcissistic to a great degree and they are his flying monkey's now. It's terrible for you, I know and I think there is hope in the fact that your Son's MIL is coming to stay with you, simply because you two will probably get along just fine and that will help mend the fence so the baby's arrival can just be a happy time.
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