JennyK

I have spent YEARS knowing how to live with a drunk husband.

I was so good at it.

I detached.

I loved.

I did not nag, mention, annoy, discuss, react, etc to his drinking.

I took care of myself and my children.

I was a very good wife of a drunk. I knew how to do it.

Things crashed very hard, very fast.

I am now the wife of a lost man. I am now the only rational thinker in a household with no money. I am now the one who is "really" in charge of my future.

I am a bit freaked. I can't trust anything that he says. It was easier living in the world of "I can't control it".

I realize today that I have a great deal of control in this family...now that it is a mess. And I really don't know how to do it.

I am thankful that I do have parents who are in a financial situation to help us. I am not yet at the point to ask for that help.

I am thankful that I have friends who are either lurking on this board or are very intuitive, as I came home today to a full meal waiting for me on my porch.

I am thankful that I can post here without fear and know that at least, by sharing, the burden is a bit lifted.

I am freaked that my world is changing so fast and I have no idea in which direction.

Jenny

noifs2day

Is it like you don't have your "land-legs" after getting off the rollercoaster?
A little unstable?
A little unsure?
A little out of your natural environment?


I haven't looked back at all your posts... but over the last week I gather that things are changing in your household. Sometimes it is very very difficult to let change happen... ...to just let it happen.


Just for Today.
Just for this Hour.
Just for this moment, I will.....Fill it in.

Some examples that a Al-Anon Just for Today pamflet says are:

Just for Today(JFT) I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.

JFT, I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. -----MY personal favorite.

JFT, I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself into it.


Just as the Alcoholic doesn't drink for today, for this hour, for this minute...
We can be supportive, as we keep our focus on us, as they begin their journey.
So, JennyK what will you do just for today? for this hour? for this moment? ...as you begin your journey?

bacchaeD

I'm glad you are finding support on the boards..and help on the "real" world front too.
you are strong and worth it so know that you can do it.. whatever "it" is..
take care of yourself and your children

equus

Your situation is hard, I know from your other posts you've got more than a plateful.

Please excuse the horse analogy but I really don't know how else to put this and I know it's helped me in the past.

Riding young horses sometimes it just all falls apart!! It just goes horribly wrong, losing control and feeling daunted by the sheer size and strength of something that apparently has gone crackers. I remember getting SO frustrated, getting mad with the horse, trying one thing after another to counteract what was happening - trying to think up new schemes to make it work, getting angry at myself, PURE frustration.

My boss told me just keep riding right - you know how to ride and so don't change it, you know how to school a young horse, so don't change it. He said ride right, day after day and the horse'll come to you.

What he meant was to stop changing all I knew about riding because I was on a young difficult horse, not getting sucked into an overwhelming situation with nearly a ton of tantrumming baby. To have the confidence in what I already knew.

Turned out he was right but I never found it an easy thing to do!!

What I mean is that you have all the skills you've learned, it isn't what you lack that makes this hard. What you're going through IS hard, it's not your lack of wisdom, it's the situation, you're going through so much at once surely the only thing to do is just keep riding right.

HUGE apologies if that made no sense at all!