ConfusedWoman22

Hello everyone... A close friend of mine is an alcoholic who relapsed last year and just recently went to rehab and then entered a sober house after. He kept in consistant contact while in detox and for the first few weeks at the sober house, but now suddenly (as if he flipped a switch), he's gone silent. I called him the other day to see how he was doing and kind of poke around and see why he's distant all of a sudden, but I didn't get much of an answer. I've decided to leave him be and not reach out again. Is this normal? I feel like I've been a good, supportive friend to him over the years and it's bizarre to be dropped so suddenly. I'm trying not to take it personal, but I guess it would have been nice if he at least let me know that he needed some time and space, but maybe that is too much to expect from someone newly sober? Am I doing the right thing by just leaving him alone from here on out? Are sober addicts encouraged to drop old friends even if they are supportive of their sobriety?

nez

I could be totally wrong, but based on my past history and behavior, there is a chance that he is no longer newly sober and is embarrassed to have people see him in the clutches of his addiction yet again.

PeacefulWater12

Welcome, ConfusedWoman, glad to have you join us here. Sorry for the confusing situation with your friend that brings you here.

Could be any number of reasons why he is distancing himself. Being newly sober is very difficult to navigate, it feels very raw and uncomfortable so can feel difficult to mix with people, it may be that he has relapsed, it may be that to build a sober future he needs to move away from people from his past, could be all manner of things.

ConfusedWoman22

I read an article today about codependent friendships and it hit the nail on the head. We talked all the time and leaned on each other too much for support and help with problems. Maybe he realized the same thing and backed away, I don't know. For now, I'm going to give him space and try to embrace having my own space.

trailmix

That's a very good idea. Whatever his reason is, whether he is struggling with new sobriety or whether he is drinking again, he obviously can't cope with other people right now.

There is a book that is the most recommended on this forum, Codependent no more by Melody Beattie. It's an easy read and you might find it really helpful.