Refuge
 

It’s been hard coming to terms that my ex isn’t interested in getting better he’s still drinking and for a long time I honestly thought I could help him I know better now I’m slowly educating myself. He threw me out for a second time last Friday and I’m finally strong enough to realise I need to stay gone this time I’m currently staying with my daughter but she’s over crowded so I’ve made the decision to go to a refuge instead of leaning on my kids and finally take some responsibility for the mess my life is…scared is an understatement but I know I need to do this to find the strong woman I once was and hopefully fix myself as this was my second relationship with an alcoholic. I lost my job my home and the man I love but there’s no going back anymore. I’m fortunate my children are all adults and settled ( at least I did something good there) I’m scared of the unknown path I’m about to take not exactly where I thought I’d be in my 40s but I’m hoping someone can tell me they did this and it turned out ok

Hi Polly,
I don't have personal experience to share, but I have a friend who did exactly what you are doing.
I don't know where you are in the world, but in the UK, there is an organisation called Women's Aid - they are an amazing organisation. They provided her with temporary housing, and made the process of gaining social housing with the local authority, much quicker. When she secured ger own tenancy, they also helped her to furnish her home.
It was the best move she ever made, and her and her kids flourished.
That strong woman you once were, is still there - despite being scared of the unknown, you've made the decision NOT to go back.
You will do just fine Polly.
Much Love
Bute xxx

I think it's a great idea to go to a women's refuge for a few reasons. First, as Bute mentioned, they have resources they can put you in touch with, that's so important, second, you will get support that will also help.

I didn't do what you did but I did get divorced, sold my house (so yes, I had some money), I had no job and moved in to an apartment with my Son. First things first I went to an agency and took the first job they offered. It was incredibly boring, looking up items on microfiche and copying them but the group was nice and it gave me immediate employment.

I eventually found a job in my field, so I was paid better and bought a house, rented that out for a year to others and etc etc. It just takes some time to get situated.

So it wasn't easy, I did have a foot up financially which you may not, but you are going to be ok. You are very brave to venture to the refuge, but they will be kind to you and they will understand exactly what you have gone through, so while it might be a bit nerve wracking, hang in there, it will turn out ok.

Polly......good for you. I think that would be a positive move for you. I live in the states, and, what we have here are called "shelters". They are a great source of help and support for those who seek their services.
It is very smart of you to be educating yourself about the true nature of alcoholism and the impact that it has on those who surround the alcoholic.

The fact that you have made a Decision to not return is a good sign that you are making progress. Good progress.

Keep believing in yourself....because your strength is still there, and it will show itself at exactly the time that you need it.

Hi Polly
I left home at 47 then ended up with a serious illness. When I came out of hospital I was homeless, unable to work and penniless.
I took all the support I could get. It came in many forms.....from friends who took me in to live with them for 3 months, from the government....I managed to get sick pay, I had a psychologist, a counsellor and a physiotherapist. People were kind to me and it was a huge lesson for me to accept help and say thank you.....rather than I'm FINE. It was quite something for me to learn to receive.
Take all the help and support you can get. You can return the favours later, when you've got your strength back. Allow yourself this time. It's precious.
I don't know if you go to al-anon or coda meetings. I find my coda meeting so helpful and also reading here on this forum.
Yes you can come back from this and rebuild yourself but it takes time and it takes work. Some of that work is resting and crying. Be gentle with yourself.