Hooks which keep you boundary-less in relationships
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Hey cwohio, don't feel bad, we all have work to do ON ourselves. LOL. Every time I look around a new corner of my life I need to go back and work the program on myself just to find the balance again.
#10 Said it all for me. I watch programs on tv and think that could be us. I tell me H and he just looks at me.. I find disassociaton describes him best in my eyes. Am I referring back to #10? Yes some what. He is so aloof, this to shall pass comes to mind.
Zoe
Ok 3,5,6,7 need alot of work also.
Zoe
Ok 3,5,6,7 need alot of work also.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: milford, pa
Posts: 1
HI I am new to this forum. Such great advice here. Dazed and confused as of late. Married to a recovering alcoholic and feeling the pressure. The thought you posted here really hit the mark for me. Thanks Daffodil
OK this is going to be a weekend read for me - I want to thoroughly read the whole thing thanks MG this is another one of those sticky's I do believe. I started to get grossed out as soon as I hit #5 and I stopped not too far past there for now! It is true what it says about not being able to really have an intimate relationship in that kind of situation. I remember thinking way back, way "pre-reality" that I was starting to feel more like a mom than a girlfriend and that really bothered me a lot but then came in probably all the other stuff like guilt, feeling I must do whatever to salvage things since I waited so long for "such a good relationship" etc...yeap definitely a weekend read and yes I think it might hurt a smidge but this is another one of those excellent eye opener posts and helps to explain some of the things I felt or noticed before or now and helps put a name to it and I think I will be able to learn from reading this.
Boundaries? What boundaries? Who me?
#9 gets me the worst
Those of you who know my story know that it has been my experience that when you let go they die. It has always been "Live and Let Die" in my life. I have to get angry enough to not care if they die before I can let go.
#9 gets me the worst
Those of you who know my story know that it has been my experience that when you let go they die. It has always been "Live and Let Die" in my life. I have to get angry enough to not care if they die before I can let go.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 14
Oh dear oh dear oh dear,
all of them are true for me except #9.
I am the product of a long line of alcoholics so i guess i should not be so suprised that i am such a mess.
I am going to start working on the suggestions on how to establish boundries tonight. All the A's are out of my life now (no contact with my mother, grandfather has passed and my husband is living with someone else) so at least I can have a fresh start!
Finally feeling some hope!
all of them are true for me except #9.
I am the product of a long line of alcoholics so i guess i should not be so suprised that i am such a mess.
I am going to start working on the suggestions on how to establish boundries tonight. All the A's are out of my life now (no contact with my mother, grandfather has passed and my husband is living with someone else) so at least I can have a fresh start!
Finally feeling some hope!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Tamaqua PA
Posts: 2
Im printing this and putting it right by my phone cause of course my ASB is out on a what do i call it trying to feed his addiction and here I sit with my 4 babies worried about him!! [B]NOPE NOW WHEN HE HAS EXCUSES I HAVE ANSWERS THAT STICK UP FOR MYSELF I DONT KNOW HOW MANY HOOKS I HAVE ACTUALLY I'LL ADMIT ALMOST ALL OF THEM BUT VERY GOOD ARTICLE BY THE PHONE IT GOES SO WHEN HE IS COMEING DOWN I HAVE ANSWERS FOR MYSELF WHEN HE CALLS IN A DAY OR TWO!!!
been searching for the dream
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
Wow. Helloooooooooooooooooooo to me. and to you and you and all of you. LOL. I am classic bits of 1 and 2. and DEFINITELY10 10 has been me nemesis. I hate 10.
((((MG))))) thank you for this 17 page post that I am currently printing b/c I do not have time to read and absorb all right now. For me the information you posted is so very necessary for a good recovery. I have been all of these. I was all of them at 25 at 43 I am 3. I guess that is progress. What i realize bars (no pun intended) from getting thru is the symptom of ignored boundaries. Those guys. BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do those and then i may not and then I do those and then I may not. Thank you for this.
((((MG))))) thank you for this 17 page post that I am currently printing b/c I do not have time to read and absorb all right now. For me the information you posted is so very necessary for a good recovery. I have been all of these. I was all of them at 25 at 43 I am 3. I guess that is progress. What i realize bars (no pun intended) from getting thru is the symptom of ignored boundaries. Those guys. BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do those and then i may not and then I do those and then I may not. Thank you for this.
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