DTNRT3000

Hello All,

Im familiar with this story from previous post but need to get it off my chest.

My STBXW have a 3 year old. I initially asked her to go to rehab because she was always passed out by 7pm leaving me to care for him. And I was concerned she was missing too much of his life all of 2020 and most of 2021. So she went to rehab in August 2021 and in September she was
meeting one of her recovery friends for coffee every weekend and I told her that I felt uncomfortable about it because Ive never met him before. And she stated that it had to do with confidentiality from the program and that they were just talking about recovery stuff. So like a fool I believed her. At the end of October I blacked out and ended up going to jail. (Im now a recovering Alcoholic as well). I got kicked out of the apartment and she said she wanted me out for at least 30 days. 2 weeks later she told me she wanted a divorce. No counseling no nothing. It felt like I was punched in the stomach. I kept going to AA and my own rehab group hoping to salvage our marriage. Well its been 2 months since she finished her program and relapsed hard. She went on a 5 day bender. I had to get my son in fear that she would be passed out and be left to himself. I also found out that she started dating that guy friend she was having coffee with when she first told me she wanted a divorce. I was crushed. I had my suspicion but now that it was confirmed it still hurt. Im hurting now but am also relieved that my suspicion was correct. It just hurts to know that she could just throw out 9 years together with a child that we worked so hard to make all away for some bozo who looks like a homeless man.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here DTNRT.
A breakup is never easy.

I think the main thing now is your son and his welfare.
Keep going to AA and other groups - be the parent your son needs you to be

D

trailmix

hi DTNRT, I'm really sorry you and your Son are going through all this. Yes, of course it is very hurtful, this is not the way you saw things going.

Now is the time to focus on you, your Son and your sobriety though, don't you think? You can be the Father your Son needs. It obvious his Mom isn't going to be there for him, at least not in any reliable way, so it will be you that takes responsibility and I'm really glad to hear you take that so seriously.

It's tough going, it hurts, but you will get through this time and you won't always feel like this. While she may not even be thinking clearly about what she's doing, that's her side of the street. Your side is looking after yourself and your Son.

That means really focusing on the two of you. Make sure you are well rested, eat as well as you can, get outside (if it's not too cold where you are!), do things that you enjoy, maybe pick back up any hobbies you used to enjoy and get back in to that. For now a holding pattern may be all that you can achieve and that's ok, it takes time to get some balance and start feeling better.

Bekindalways

Hey DTNRT,

I hope you can pull all the support you can find together for yourself and your son. This is a tough thing to get through for anyone.

Let us know how you are getting along. Even just surviving is an achievement in the early days of sobriety.