Do I meet up ?
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Join Date: Dec 2021
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Do I meet up ?
In my first post I talked about how my alcoholic bf broke up with me . He talked about him needing to figure some things out etc. When we talked we both agreed to meet up tomorrow(Saturday) to ice skate and talk. But we haven’t talked since that phone call on Tuesday. After he broke up with me , I did text him that same day and he ignored the text and then I called him on Wednesday and he ignored that . He did say we need time and distance. Do I still show up tomorrow without communication? I don’t want to text or call him and seem needy . His house is by the skating rink and I already packed up my belongings from our previous fight. So part of me wants to go meet him so he’ll give me my things. But since we haven’t spoken since, I’m unclear if I should go up? Thanks for any advice
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Is up to you. They do this to hook you back in. Keep you hanging.
If you want your things, can a third party collect them from him for you? He will use them as a lure.
This is textbook alkie mind games, btw. Push, pull. Crazy making, stops you being able to process and move on.
If you want your things, can a third party collect them from him for you? He will use them as a lure.
This is textbook alkie mind games, btw. Push, pull. Crazy making, stops you being able to process and move on.
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Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12 
Is up to you. They do this to hook you back in. Keep you hanging.
If you want your things, can a third party collect them from him for you? He will use them as a lure.
This is textbook alkie mind games, btw. Push, pull. Crazy making, stops you being able to process and move on.
If you want your things, can a third party collect them from him for you? He will use them as a lure.
This is textbook alkie mind games, btw. Push, pull. Crazy making, stops you being able to process and move on.
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
As was suggested above, if you need to collect belongings, arrange for someone to do that for you. If you have business to discuss that has to be discussed in person, do it briefly in a public place -- things like finances, legal paperwork, etc. If you don't have any business that must be discussed, then I would skip the social stuff. If you are breaking up, there's no reason to go ice skating to finalise financial arrangements or collect your belongings. As was already mentioned, the ice skating is to reel you back in.
Once you have your belongings and have settled all business, it will be best for your healing to go no - contact. I'd strongly suggest blocking numbers, blocking on social media, etc. If you have common friends, you can let them know you don't want to talk about the relationship nor have messages passed to you.
Once you have your belongings and have settled all business, it will be best for your healing to go no - contact. I'd strongly suggest blocking numbers, blocking on social media, etc. If you have common friends, you can let them know you don't want to talk about the relationship nor have messages passed to you.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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No I wouldn't show up. I hope you won't. That was superseded by the break up talk. I'm sure it's tempting for you, at this point you haven't gained enough strength to not want to go see him, correct?
He can't fix this (he probably doesn't really want to), he wants to drink, he doesn't want you to be concerned or tell him he needs help - he just wants to drink, it's what alcoholics do.
If you do decide to go for round 2, regardless of what he tells you, be prepared to accept him just the way he is, not his potential or what you would like him to be, but an alcoholic who is going to drink way too much, because you know that is how he is, you just went through 6 months of it. That's not going to change anytime soon.
He can't fix this (he probably doesn't really want to), he wants to drink, he doesn't want you to be concerned or tell him he needs help - he just wants to drink, it's what alcoholics do.
If you do decide to go for round 2, regardless of what he tells you, be prepared to accept him just the way he is, not his potential or what you would like him to be, but an alcoholic who is going to drink way too much, because you know that is how he is, you just went through 6 months of it. That's not going to change anytime soon.
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Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by sage1969
As was suggested above, if you need to collect belongings, arrange for someone to do that for you. If you have business to discuss that has to be discussed in person, do it briefly in a public place -- things like finances, legal paperwork, etc. If you don't have any business that must be discussed, then I would skip the social stuff. If you are breaking up, there's no reason to go ice skating to finalise financial arrangements or collect your belongings. As was already mentioned, the ice skating is to reel you back in.
Once you have your belongings and have settled all business, it will be best for your healing to go no - contact. I'd strongly suggest blocking numbers, blocking on social media, etc. If you have common friends, you can let them know you don't want to talk about the relationship nor have messages passed to you.
Once you have your belongings and have settled all business, it will be best for your healing to go no - contact. I'd strongly suggest blocking numbers, blocking on social media, etc. If you have common friends, you can let them know you don't want to talk about the relationship nor have messages passed to you.
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Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by trailmix
No I wouldn't show up. I hope you won't. That was superseded by the break up talk. I'm sure it's tempting for you, at this point you haven't gained enough strength to not want to go see him, correct?
He can't fix this (he probably doesn't really want to), he wants to drink, he doesn't want you to be concerned or tell him he needs help - he just wants to drink, it's what alcoholics do.
If you do decide to go for round 2, regardless of what he tells you, be prepared to accept him just the way he is, not his potential or what you would like him to be, but an alcoholic who is going to drink way too much, because you know that is how he is, you just went through 6 months of it. That's not going to change anytime soon.
He can't fix this (he probably doesn't really want to), he wants to drink, he doesn't want you to be concerned or tell him he needs help - he just wants to drink, it's what alcoholics do.
If you do decide to go for round 2, regardless of what he tells you, be prepared to accept him just the way he is, not his potential or what you would like him to be, but an alcoholic who is going to drink way too much, because you know that is how he is, you just went through 6 months of it. That's not going to change anytime soon.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Originally Posted by Payne9
Thank you . But how do I arrange things when he’s not replying to calls/text? Do I just have my brother contact him and arrange a time for him to pick up my belongings? Nothing really needs to be discussed at the moment so I don’t need to meet up. I was thinking of just giving it more time , before I even reached out about my things. I can call my brother and see what he says . Thank you
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Originally Posted by LovelyKaya33333
I think you should call your brother and have him handle picking up things... I would let him know possibly that you will be doing that so that he is ok with giving your brother your belongings. I would do that as soon as possible. Tonight if possible... then block him on everything. It really is the only way
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Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 411
Like Peaceful says, it's just typical controlling push me pull you alcoholic behaviour. Make your own decision on how it will go. Taking back control is a great way to start your own journey. Minimal contact will cut out the need or opportunity for any drama.
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Originally Posted by Triggered
Like Peaceful says, it's just typical controlling push me pull you alcoholic behaviour. Make your own decision on how it will go. Taking back control is a great way to start your own journey. Minimal contact will cut out the need or opportunity for any drama.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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There is a stickies section at the top of the forum as well, I am reposting this from a thread found in the Classic Reading section (under Recovery). It's pretty harsh, mileage may vary, but you get the gist. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
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