Now EX-GF of 3 years broke up with me during her rehab.

Old 12-03-2021, 07:25 PM
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You're welcome man - no need to thank me. I was in your shoes, so I know the pain you're feeling now. Keep your head up and know you were as supportive as you could be for your ex.

Her mind isn't used to being without alcohol, so she's all over the place. For all you know, she could reach out soon and apologize. Just prefer yourself for the best case scenario and worst. That's what I'm doing in my case.
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Old 12-05-2021, 12:04 PM
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ADD - How are you doing man?
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Old 12-05-2021, 12:43 PM
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Hey EZ, thanks for checking. Doing my best but not too good tbh. Yesterday was the day I was originally supposed to go see her so I had that thought in my head all day and I just keep thinking of anything that could have changed how this happened. I just feel really sad and alone especially since I've been given no answers or explanations to anything. It just really sucks man. Also I went through your post as well. That's a rough situation as well and the only thing better for you I guess is that its a bit older so you've had more time to process.

The only thing I've found to distract myself with is I'm playing a bunch of new card and puzzle games on my computer when I have free time. It works sometimes and it doesn't sometimes.
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Old 12-05-2021, 12:50 PM
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Yeah, but as you can see - I'm still struggling three weeks later. The holidays coming up aren't going to help your situation either.

I just hope for the best in your situation. Maybe in your situation your gf won't know what she has until it's gone? That's the one thing I'm holding onto with my ex. Just try to keep your head up, and reach out here to anyone if you have questions or even need to vent. It has helped me with having an outlet and hearing other's perspectives on things. Sometimes you need to hear it from others who have been in our shoes. Distractions will work part of the time, but even then I still struggle.

Keep taking care of yourself man, you're doing great.
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Old 12-05-2021, 01:02 PM
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Thanks EZ. I didn't mean to downplay your situation if it came across as that. I know it is rough for you as well. Yeah holidays are going to blow with what was our anniversary and her birthday all so close together as well. I have some moments where I feel ok and then I see or remember something small and I need a few minutes alone to recompose myself. Maybe what you said is what will happen with her. I still have some hope for now but we'll see. Thank you so much man.
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Old 12-05-2021, 02:03 PM
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No I didn't take it as you downplaying it at all - I get what you meant by it. Was just saying you're going to be struggling for a while, and that's ok.

There are some great people on this forum, and if you research enough - what happened to us is very common when one partner goes into recovery. I thought it would be the exact opposite and the relationship would get stronger, but yeah dead wrong lol. Keep your head up.
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Old 12-07-2021, 12:51 PM
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Hello everyone. I'm also going to be using this as a sort of personal journal just to get some thoughts down from time to time I think.

I got an update actually. She unblocked me on Monday morning and one of the texts I sent way earlier went through. I just said I wish her the best and she shared the same sentiment with me. I asked her what happened with us and she said she is in a rough place mentally and that I was always supportive and understanding and she told me that there was nothing I could have done to change what happened. She said she still cares for me and wants what's best for me and that being with her right now would not be that. She also said that she really needs to focus on herself right now and her sobriety and that she can't put effort into a relationship right now when she is working on herself with something this severe. Maybe I shouldn't have but I asked her if this means she and I are done for good and she told me that she just can't answer that right now, that she doesn't know where she will be after all of this. She unblocked me out of her feeling guilty and she said after all I've done for her that I didn't deserve that. I made sure to tell her that I still care about her and I do want the best for her. I know I probably shouldn't have said this but I told her I can wait for her. I was just running off of pure emotions at I was not expecting to talk to her again so soon, I'm sure I shouldn't have said that but I did, after all she was also my best friend for like 7 years. She told me that she wouldn't ask me to wait as she doesn't want to set me up for failure but in my emotional state I just doubled down on what I said. It ended with me telling her no matter what I will always want the best for her and then we had some light hearted conversation and she said she will talk to me when she wants to again, even if its just to send a meme or something light to kill some time. As of now I'm still not blocked. Also as far as a relationship in rehab goes she is in a woman only rehab house.

I know things aren't perfect at all but it does seem like she isn't being toxic like some other posts I've seen.

I'm not sure how I handled it and stuff but I was running off of nothing but emotions as everything is still so new.
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Old 12-07-2021, 01:00 PM
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I think you handled it perfectly to be honest with you. She should be putting all her efforts into her soberty right now, and the relationship might serve as a distraction for her or trigger feelings that might cause her to relapse.

I know she didn't exactly tell you what you wanted to hear, but at least she being honest with you and upfront about everything going on with her. Also be thankful that she didn't cheat on you, or have feelings for someone else.

Just go with the flow at this point, and see how often she gets ahold of you, or wants to put effort into maintaining contact. The last thing you want to do is overwhelm her after she came out and said all those things about needing to focus on herself. She was being honest when she said she didn't expect you to wait, but telling her you would shows how much she means to you. When her mind gets healed a little more in recovery, she may flip script and want to continue your relationship. Only time will tell.

Things will work out the way they should. You handled things great, and I'm sure she would agree with that. Best of luck man.
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Old 12-07-2021, 01:08 PM
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Thanks Ez. I did get lucky with the fact that she was so upfront and honest about everything that's for sure. I'm not going to pester her or anything with messages either just like you recommended. I obviously have my wants and hopes but for now I'll just be here as a friend as well supporting her. Here if she wants to talk or do whatever but I'll let it go at her own pace.
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Old 12-07-2021, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted by ADD View Post
I'm not sure how I handled it and stuff but I was running off of nothing but emotions as everything is still so new.
I also think you handled that really well, considering it came out of the blue. She was prepared for that exchange, you weren't. You were honest, that's all you can do.

I think it is a good idea though, in this situation, to decide in advance what you aren't going to bring up. You have said what you have to say so if she texts again or you do, maybe you decide you won't mention the relationship or how she's doing mentally - or whatever you don't really want to bring up. That just saves you being caught by surprise, you know what I mean?

You might decide that nothing, from your point of view, is off the table, that's ok too, but giving it some thought makes you feel more confident.

Wait for her or don't, that's absolutely your choice, but recovery can take years, I wouldn't put yourself on the shelf, go on and have fun, do things you enjoy, spend as much time with your friends as you like. Like, for instance, if you want to travel to Mexico, don't wait for her. You really don't want to set yourself up for disappointment and more hurt.


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