Worst Day Ever ....
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Worst Day Ever ....
So today I think i just about one of the worst days.... I wake up to water damage on my ceiling... they tell me I might have to move out and that they have no other vacancys left... That got handled and it turns out it is a small problem that can be fixed... but first oh **** part of the day... The I work.. That goes ok... then I started to deep clean my house and got rid of some old furniture and used the money to get a new ottoman and as I am just getting my place to maybe where I want it to be at ( mind you I was suppose to move to Maui in my moms condo and a month ago she told me she was actually moving into it ) .... so I began to make my place a home again.... anyway as I am quite literally bringing in my last thing to create a space that is almost free of now exAH my mom calls and says "You sister said you aren't moving into my condo anymore"....!! What the actual F... So I said mom... you told me you were moving there. I even sent my step dad/her husband a text saying how hurt I was because we had talked in detail about me moving there and they kind of pulled the rug out from under me and I was bummed... Turns out she was on her pain meds... yes they are prescribed and yes she has had ampultations where she truly needs them... she does take a lot of them though and she forgot our whole conversation... I understand I could tell her no but she is now counting on me for $2,200 a month starting in June.... Just sitting here in the apartment I just spent the last month working so hard on... almost in tears... because I always feel like I am spinning my wheels... ( like getting this apartment done) just to feel like... ungrounded again......and THIS IS THE WORST PART
Literally 10 minutes later I get a call from my paralegal saying the divorce paperwork bounced back form the court denied!!! I was in tears now... I have spent $1700 and 7 months trying to divorce this man and here we are almost at square 1... WHAT THE ..... and why you ask? .... because ******** could not be bothered to send back the little green paper saying he recieved it!!!! and when I broke No Contact today to tell him I simply don't have more money or time or energy to throw at this his exact response was "That’s how they get ya... I will see if I can find it....I’ll call you on the way home in 2 hours if you want?" I said "No it is fine... ".... to which he replied "We don’t have to do all that again right?...I bet we can resubmit it"..... WHAT THE BLEEP.... WE WE WE WE... WE didn't do anything... I paid for everything, I got the paralegal, I did all the paperwork, I filed everything, I paid an additional $435 for filing fees...." HE only had one job in this who thing and that was to give the green slip back... Which I told him was coming..... Then when I told him I don't have it in me to do another round of paperwork and could he contribute or go figure something out about this... his exact response was and I quote "Ya I don’t know much about it. If I get motivated sometime I’ll check it out. I’m not in a big rush for any reason"..... I AM at my wits end....
The only positive about this is he clearly still is the ******* that only cares about HIMself... He does not care about me..no matter what he trys to tells me.... outside of the drinking THIS is why we are getting a divorce... ANd he claims he has been sober for 2 weeks.. I call ******** ... total ********... anyway... thanks for letting me rant. To be honest him be such an uncaring douche bag was probably good for me to re see... another reminder in the books...
Literally 10 minutes later I get a call from my paralegal saying the divorce paperwork bounced back form the court denied!!! I was in tears now... I have spent $1700 and 7 months trying to divorce this man and here we are almost at square 1... WHAT THE ..... and why you ask? .... because ******** could not be bothered to send back the little green paper saying he recieved it!!!! and when I broke No Contact today to tell him I simply don't have more money or time or energy to throw at this his exact response was "That’s how they get ya... I will see if I can find it....I’ll call you on the way home in 2 hours if you want?" I said "No it is fine... ".... to which he replied "We don’t have to do all that again right?...I bet we can resubmit it"..... WHAT THE BLEEP.... WE WE WE WE... WE didn't do anything... I paid for everything, I got the paralegal, I did all the paperwork, I filed everything, I paid an additional $435 for filing fees...." HE only had one job in this who thing and that was to give the green slip back... Which I told him was coming..... Then when I told him I don't have it in me to do another round of paperwork and could he contribute or go figure something out about this... his exact response was and I quote "Ya I don’t know much about it. If I get motivated sometime I’ll check it out. I’m not in a big rush for any reason"..... I AM at my wits end....
The only positive about this is he clearly still is the ******* that only cares about HIMself... He does not care about me..no matter what he trys to tells me.... outside of the drinking THIS is why we are getting a divorce... ANd he claims he has been sober for 2 weeks.. I call ******** ... total ********... anyway... thanks for letting me rant. To be honest him be such an uncaring douche bag was probably good for me to re see... another reminder in the books...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,614
I'm sorry you had such a day!
About the paper that says he received it. It may well be different where you are but where I live if the person doesn't acknowledge then there is another form you can fill out to say - hey I served it - he received it, but didn't acknowledge it so here is a form that says that. Then everything proceeds on without his participation in that part.
Seems to me that would have to be quite common because a person can't just hold up a divorce because they don't send back their one piece of paper.
What did the paralegal have to say about how to proceed? Divorce papers get sent back all the time for not dotting this i or crossing that t.
Yes, he is an ass.
As for your Mom and the condo situation. Maybe it's a good thing? Maybe it's just not a thing you were ready for today? Perhaps ponder it over the weekend and see how you feel. I don't you are obligated now, since she did tell you no, drugged or not. I mean of course you don't want to inconvenience her or hurt her but you do have to look out for yourself (remember).
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
About the paper that says he received it. It may well be different where you are but where I live if the person doesn't acknowledge then there is another form you can fill out to say - hey I served it - he received it, but didn't acknowledge it so here is a form that says that. Then everything proceeds on without his participation in that part.
Seems to me that would have to be quite common because a person can't just hold up a divorce because they don't send back their one piece of paper.
What did the paralegal have to say about how to proceed? Divorce papers get sent back all the time for not dotting this i or crossing that t.
Yes, he is an ass.
As for your Mom and the condo situation. Maybe it's a good thing? Maybe it's just not a thing you were ready for today? Perhaps ponder it over the weekend and see how you feel. I don't you are obligated now, since she did tell you no, drugged or not. I mean of course you don't want to inconvenience her or hurt her but you do have to look out for yourself (remember).
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 73
Kaya,
I hope the next sunrise brings more stability and satisfaction to your life. I know folks say day by day, but my experience is hour by hour right now. I’m a little behind you in the legal process, but it sure seems like we’re watching the moss grow on the walls while the process unfolds. I can’t imagine the disappointment and the crush when someone ( possibly intentionally) throws a wrench into a process you’ve been civil in. My heart is with you in this. Does this crap bring out the worst in us? Absolutely… I’ll be a hypocrite here and say don’t get in the mud and wallow with the hogs. I’ve already done it and regret it. I wish you the absolute best, and keep eeking your cause forward. I’ll be doing the same thing.
I hope the next sunrise brings more stability and satisfaction to your life. I know folks say day by day, but my experience is hour by hour right now. I’m a little behind you in the legal process, but it sure seems like we’re watching the moss grow on the walls while the process unfolds. I can’t imagine the disappointment and the crush when someone ( possibly intentionally) throws a wrench into a process you’ve been civil in. My heart is with you in this. Does this crap bring out the worst in us? Absolutely… I’ll be a hypocrite here and say don’t get in the mud and wallow with the hogs. I’ve already done it and regret it. I wish you the absolute best, and keep eeking your cause forward. I’ll be doing the same thing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Agree there must be an alternative to him returning paper, and I would be wary of staying married to someone as irresponsible as him even though you are sick of dealing with it.
So sorry you are having a rough time and hope things get better soon—
So sorry you are having a rough time and hope things get better soon—
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Kaya, where do you want to live more? I know you did some nesting where you are now, but Hawaii and a new environment sounds pretty good to me—maybe you just need to come to some compromise about the move-in date and rent with your mom since she mislead you for whatever reason. . .
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
What a rollercoaster, and not in a good way.
I've been thinking about how hard you've been working at finding who you are now and what you want from life. It seems like the universe is asking you if you're clear in what you want. Are you ready to move hundreds of miles for something you're not fully invested in? Do you really want to stay trapped in a career in which you no longer have interest to pay that high lease every month?
Some things like a leaking roof, life happens, but some other things are more to help you become clear in what you do and don't want for yourself.
As for the divorce paperwork, there's always a way to keep that moving, others have made some good suggestions. Mine sat for 2 years til the judge got fed up and simply signed it. So have faith that it will happen and focus on you for now.
I've been thinking about how hard you've been working at finding who you are now and what you want from life. It seems like the universe is asking you if you're clear in what you want. Are you ready to move hundreds of miles for something you're not fully invested in? Do you really want to stay trapped in a career in which you no longer have interest to pay that high lease every month?
Some things like a leaking roof, life happens, but some other things are more to help you become clear in what you do and don't want for yourself.
As for the divorce paperwork, there's always a way to keep that moving, others have made some good suggestions. Mine sat for 2 years til the judge got fed up and simply signed it. So have faith that it will happen and focus on you for now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Thank you everyone for all of your kind words and feedback... I live in California and unfortunately they did not accept the tracking info that my paralegal sent them with the paperwork. In my state the other party does not have to sign ...but they do have to have that green slip returned showing they did in fact receive the papers. So with that missing, I have no other choice than to redo the paperwork and have it resent to him. I will try this one more time because I do not have the resources financially or frankly the energy to start a different process... My next step if this does not go through is to get new paperwork together with his signature needed... Paying for one of my good friends to fly out to Tennessee ( where he lives ) and have her have him sign them. If that does not work I will let him know that if he keeps screwing up this process I will refile and financially go after him. I have proof of him owing me close to $30,000... In addition, I will also report quite a few things he for sure does not want getting out that happened while he was heavily intoxicated. I don't want to get to that level but my god.. I have tried to do this the civil way .... I didn't ask for a dime though I could have... I didn't report him being a drunk and unfit to raise his kids which would have resulted in CPS getting called both on him and the bio mom.... I wanted out of this quietly and with some level of love for one another..... I am just so pissed.....
As far as the leak in my apartment. That came and went and if it was only that yesterday no biggie. BUT it just felt like one thing after another
With my mom... It was just ironic ... I would love to Move to Maui...it was the plan... Just ironic that after she said she was moving in I started nestling into the idea of staying here... and took a lot of time to make my place all cozy and as I was legit carrying the last piece up my stairs she calls and it has been over a month since she said nevermind she was moving in...
Just a very ironic day
My feelings are still all over the place with my exAH... mostly because it scraped off a wound that I was starting to heal and that wound was.... "He didn't give a **** about you"... He once again reminded me of that... and that hurt a lot....
As far as the leak in my apartment. That came and went and if it was only that yesterday no biggie. BUT it just felt like one thing after another
With my mom... It was just ironic ... I would love to Move to Maui...it was the plan... Just ironic that after she said she was moving in I started nestling into the idea of staying here... and took a lot of time to make my place all cozy and as I was legit carrying the last piece up my stairs she calls and it has been over a month since she said nevermind she was moving in...
Just a very ironic day
My feelings are still all over the place with my exAH... mostly because it scraped off a wound that I was starting to heal and that wound was.... "He didn't give a **** about you"... He once again reminded me of that... and that hurt a lot....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 334
I don’t know if this feels better or worse, but my therapist was helping remind me when I was taking everything my exAH did super personally that my exAH was not operating like a normal person. If a normal person was this disrespectful of my feelings it would absolutely be a sign they didn’t care at all. But given “addict brain” is selfish, refuses to grow up, full of shame and self-hatred, etc, they might ACTUALLY care—they’re just incapable of acting on that caring in the way we deserve. Hell, him dragging his feet on paperwork may be a f***d up expression of a subconscious part of him that still cares. Cause you can bet, if he had to sign paperwork to get his alcohol he’d find a way to be incredibly organized and proactive for that…
But obviously you deserve the WHOLE enchilada when it comes to someone who can love you, AND express that in a healthy, supportive way. Even if he “cares” about you, you still owe him nothing. At all. I only bring this up, in case feeling like he doesn’t care at all messes with your self-worth. If thinking he doesn’t care at all makes you feel small in any way, then I posit that he probably does care. He’s just also a selfish sh*t who doesn’t want to close the door on his access to you on some level. And obviously won’t take any ownership on his messing up the divorce paperwork.
Lastly, my husband didn’t serve me properly when he filed, so I just filed my own “acceptance of service” paperwork directly to the courts and it counted. I live in CA but he filed in AZ. That might be an option you can do to save money? But it does rely on him doing that work and getting that organized and sent, so…
But obviously you deserve the WHOLE enchilada when it comes to someone who can love you, AND express that in a healthy, supportive way. Even if he “cares” about you, you still owe him nothing. At all. I only bring this up, in case feeling like he doesn’t care at all messes with your self-worth. If thinking he doesn’t care at all makes you feel small in any way, then I posit that he probably does care. He’s just also a selfish sh*t who doesn’t want to close the door on his access to you on some level. And obviously won’t take any ownership on his messing up the divorce paperwork.
Lastly, my husband didn’t serve me properly when he filed, so I just filed my own “acceptance of service” paperwork directly to the courts and it counted. I live in CA but he filed in AZ. That might be an option you can do to save money? But it does rely on him doing that work and getting that organized and sent, so…
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