LovelyKaya33333

Hi guys so... I have been doing so much reflecting since my exAH and I separated. Outside of the anger fits, sadness, anxiety and tears until throwing up ... I have really reflected on where I was at when I met my exAH ... Now I wasn't tragic by any means but I surely wasn't living from my heart. I was a year into my wedding and event planning company. I had just landed a huge account and I was a year out of a relationship with my former boyfriend so all was good on paper... except I hadn't fully healed from what my ex boyfriend and I had gone through right before my breakup with him and that was that I miscarried twins and one was in my 2nd trimester and I was hiding behind this "great career" to avoid dealing with things. I was addicted to the chase of my career but I didn't love it ... I wanted anything that made me feel like I could have a family. I still will stand by the things he put me through over the following several years being so hurtful and so screwed up. However, I want to learn where I was vulnerable to dating someone that was unavailable 6 months into us dating... why I continued to push even though every red flag was there and why I married him. I wanted that family unit so much that I was willing to ignore stuff I wouldn't today.

I reflected today a lot about my career. I feel the same way about my career ... As I sat with it and thought... I let my thoughts subside and as my thoughts drifted away I realized I don't want to be a wedding planner anymore. I don't know if I ever really did. And I for sure don't want to be a business owner anymore. It felt so good to finally say out loud ( even though I was by myself) This is not what I want to do anymore. All of a sudden a sense of peace came over me. I have been living in a world where I held so tight to my career and what that meant to my self worth, that I was not allowing god to guide me ... I am fully book with weddings until July 2022.. And I have a handful in the fall of 2022 but I made the choice that I am not taking weddings anymore. I don't know what I will do with my life yet but I have until June to figure it out. Being forced to let go of my exAH and walk through the pain and fear of the divorce process has given me faith that I can do hard things and let go ... I feel afraid but so much more then afraid I feel peaceful....

Leftinthedust

I think the big positive I take for you on this is that you’ve given yourself the skill set to take anywhere and it’s going to be valuable to a wide spectrum of employers… where you don’t have to bear the burden of being the boss. Your sacrifices now and in the past give you freedom for the future!

im right with you on fear in the divorce and I wish you all the strength in the world for that. I’ve just asked my AW’s therapist wife for the fourth time to be able to see her face to face. I need to see her to know for sure if she’s still blaming me Poe taking her to rehab, or if she’s made any progress. So the unknowns are super intimidating. We’ll make it, one way or the other, and our qualifiers will do whatever they are going to do.

ironwill

Hi LK,

Time and reflection have a way of showing us little by little what is the truth inside our self.

For the past 5 months you have you have been learning who you really wanted to be. You really looked at your self and saw a reflection that did not bring your heart happiness. Saying what you want out loud (even by yourself. Still counts) is the first huge hurdle in getting your balance,peace and happiness back. You did this when you said no more, no contact to you exAH. Yes, this was hard to do at first, It brought you great sadness ,frustration of unanswered questions and sadly divorce. But your in a much better place now.

I know you will find the thing that brings your soul peace, happiness and fulfillment in that next career. Yes, it can be a little scary, but you have shown you are a strong person. Life has thrown you some curve balls, but you have learned the skills to hit them out of the park. Keep being true to yourself. Know that you are allowed to put yourself first.

Keep taking it one day at a time. Do something today that brings joy to your heart. Keep being strong and have a beautiful day.

sage1969

I think that you feel peaceful after making this decision is everything!

Change is only scary til you realise that life is change, that every moment is new and different from the one before. I think if things didn't change, that would be scary!