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Old 10-30-2021, 04:27 PM
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sage
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kinda hurts

I'm letting go of something in my life. It's difficult. I've invested time and energy and heart and prayer. But I also know that leading up to days when I am committed to do this thing, I feel really yucky, physically ill. So in the last month I've been thinking about letting go, stepping away from this role and commitment.

I feel somewhat sad in that I am letting go of people with this change, and I've few friends left after all the changes I've made in my life the last few years. But I also know this is the correct step forward for me, I also feel a lightness now that I've made the decision. This is not a step I take lightly, and a year ago I would not have been able to step away, I would have kept ignoring my gut feelings, kept up appearances though it was making me so heartsick.

So this is progress. It hurts a bit. It also feels like a step in the right direction.
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Old 10-30-2021, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by sage1969 View Post
I'm letting go of something in my life. It's difficult. I've invested time and energy and heart and prayer. But I also know that leading up to days when I am committed to do this thing, I feel really yucky, physically ill. So in the last month I've been thinking about letting go, stepping away from this role and commitment.

I feel somewhat sad in that I am letting go of people with this change, and I've few friends left after all the changes I've made in my life the last few years. But I also know this is the correct step forward for me, I also feel a lightness now that I've made the decision. This is not a step I take lightly, and a year ago I would not have been able to step away, I would have kept ignoring my gut feelings, kept up appearances though it was making me so heartsick.

So this is progress. It hurts a bit. It also feels like a step in the right direction.
I am sorry you are feeling sad... I believe that the relief will grow... I know for myself in my healing process I have had to let go of a lot. For example, tonight is one of my longest friends Halloween party but it will have over 100 people... a lot of couples and all drunk. I was suppose to go but told her I am finally in a space in my head where I am aware of my feelings and dealing with them and I feel too raw to be around that enviroment. I know it is only one night... But I know how you feel ...hang in there.. you are doing amazing growth
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Old 10-30-2021, 07:23 PM
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Originally Posted by sage1969 View Post
I'm letting go of something in my life. It's difficult. I've invested time and energy and heart and prayer. But I also know that leading up to days when I am committed to do this thing, I feel really yucky, physically ill. So in the last month I've been thinking about letting go, stepping away from this role and commitment.

I feel somewhat sad in that I am letting go of people with this change, and I've few friends left after all the changes I've made in my life the last few years. But I also know this is the correct step forward for me, I also feel a lightness now that I've made the decision. This is not a step I take lightly, and a year ago I would not have been able to step away, I would have kept ignoring my gut feelings, kept up appearances though it was making me so heartsick.

So this is progress. It hurts a bit. It also feels like a step in the right direction.
Really relate to these words. I have had to detach from family in order to grow and be free. It isn't easy but at the same time i do feel lighter and like I'm honouring myself.
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Old 11-02-2021, 09:30 PM
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Originally Posted by sage1969 View Post
I'm letting go of something in my life. It's difficult. I've invested time and energy and heart and prayer. But I also know that leading up to days when I am committed to do this thing, I feel really yucky, physically ill. So in the last month I've been thinking about letting go, stepping away from this role and commitment.

I feel somewhat sad in that I am letting go of people with this change, and I've few friends left after all the changes I've made in my life the last few years. But I also know this is the correct step forward for me, I also feel a lightness now that I've made the decision. This is not a step I take lightly, and a year ago I would not have been able to step away, I would have kept ignoring my gut feelings, kept up appearances though it was making me so heartsick.

So this is progress. It hurts a bit. It also feels like a step in the right direction.
I don't know your back story. But it's a good sign that you feel lightness and feel like you're going in the right direction.

I 'let go of' my entire family and my ex-husband because it became clear they were NOT going to stop the abusive things they were doing. Even today there are repercussions and struggles with my kids. But I'm quite sure the repercussions would have been far worse had I stayed.

You'll find new friends to replace those you lost, and friends more in line with where you want to be in life.
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Old 11-14-2021, 12:49 PM
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So I'm still in the wake of this "letting go process." I gave myself a reaction migraine yesterday because it was so emotional for me to say my goodbyes, but I was strong and did it. I know as I get further out it will be easier, but right now the scabs are fresh and it hurts.

What has also not helped make this any easier is XABF messaged after many months of silence, wanting to "be friends." I was kind but made it clear that wasn't what I want or need.

It seems counterintuitive that while I'm letting go of so many destructive relationships right now, I'm also wishing that I had healthy connections to fall back on. This is part of the learning process for me, to learn what is healthy and what is not, to build better friendships going forward, and I accept this. I'm just finding this road today to be a bit remote and isolated. A recent meme a friend posted seems a good reminder for me today: "sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you're still a dumba**"

Yes, Universe, I'm learning.
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Old 11-14-2021, 02:27 PM
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Sage

I also think this is the middle. You have to let go to have room for other relationships......

Growth is hard, and uncomfortable. The Language of Letting Go has a daily reading about this place being like transplanting a plant so it can grow to the full potential. I see what you are describing as this.

While painful, I think it is only a sign of growth, not a sign that you are doing anything incorrectly or wrong.

Also I often did not yet have the skills for the new when I was in the process of letting go. First I had to dump the skills that had gotten me there.
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Old 11-16-2021, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by sage1969 View Post
"sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you're still a dumba**"
That's hilarious - truly made me laugh.

I've thought about the connections I would like to make. Sometimes someone will tell me about a friend they have that does this or that or said this or that and I think - that person sounds great! I wish she were my friend! (this is generally from people who live elsewhere, like my Sisters or it's a person at work).

So I'm thinking you have to put yourself in the right place to find those kinds of people. Question is, what is the right place? I think maybe those are unlikely places. There are groups for pretty much everything now. Board games - people who are probably slightly introverted but like to chat while they play. Any kind of skills like crochet or knitting - same thing, although possibly not so introverted. A music class (this appeals to me), I don't know, just something slightly out of the box.

A university class about something that you find incredibly interesting, old masters or literature or creative writing.




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