It is starting to click a bit... trying to move on
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
You know it's interesting what you say above. When I read that I see someone that was included in a group even though she may not have been doing what they were doing (drinking), that's kind of a positive thing really?
Of course high school can be touchy and I know you didn't feel that way, but maybe it's time to reframe that? People wanted your company regardless of what you were up to - that's good criteria for friends at any time and reflects well on you.
Of course high school can be touchy and I know you didn't feel that way, but maybe it's time to reframe that? People wanted your company regardless of what you were up to - that's good criteria for friends at any time and reflects well on you.
That's possibly true. Then again, if people were attracted to you because of your nature to take care of people, that's not a horrible trait!
The thing is, from what I have seen and heard, there aren't that many people, generally, that are that caring or nurturing, that don't have balance. I think the problems occur when you don't have those checks and balances in place (I'm sure you have already thought about that). Unfortunately, without that balance, there are many that will take advantage of your giving nature.
I've not a huge push over, but there are many times in my life where I have gone above and beyond not necessarily caring for myself, because I can be that person too. Those times never lasted that long though because my inner voice would be saying hold on - what exactly ARE you doing? And I would listen.
- The person that goes above and beyond looking out for others:
With no thought of their own wellbeing
Will catch themselves and change that but still don't really take time caring for themselves (and may therefore end up in the same kind of situations)
Will catch themselves and change that and decide it's time to care for themselves and apply that going forward
We can all have been in all these situations (I have). Where are you in this list?
The thing is, from what I have seen and heard, there aren't that many people, generally, that are that caring or nurturing, that don't have balance. I think the problems occur when you don't have those checks and balances in place (I'm sure you have already thought about that). Unfortunately, without that balance, there are many that will take advantage of your giving nature.
I've not a huge push over, but there are many times in my life where I have gone above and beyond not necessarily caring for myself, because I can be that person too. Those times never lasted that long though because my inner voice would be saying hold on - what exactly ARE you doing? And I would listen.
- The person that goes above and beyond looking out for others:
With no thought of their own wellbeing
Will catch themselves and change that but still don't really take time caring for themselves (and may therefore end up in the same kind of situations)
Will catch themselves and change that and decide it's time to care for themselves and apply that going forward
We can all have been in all these situations (I have). Where are you in this list?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
That's possibly true. Then again, if people were attracted to you because of your nature to take care of people, that's not a horrible trait!
The thing is, from what I have seen and heard, there aren't that many people, generally, that are that caring or nurturing, that don't have balance. I think the problems occur when you don't have those checks and balances in place (I'm sure you have already thought about that). Unfortunately, without that balance, there are many that will take advantage of your giving nature.
I've not a huge push over, but there are many times in my life where I have gone above and beyond not necessarily caring for myself, because I can be that person too. Those times never lasted that long though because my inner voice would be saying hold on - what exactly ARE you doing? And I would listen.
- The person that goes above and beyond looking out for others:
With no thought of their own wellbeing
Will catch themselves and change that but still don't really take time caring for themselves (and may therefore end up in the same kind of situations)
Will catch themselves and change that and decide it's time to care for themselves and apply that going forward
We can all have been in all these situations (I have). Where are you in this list?
The thing is, from what I have seen and heard, there aren't that many people, generally, that are that caring or nurturing, that don't have balance. I think the problems occur when you don't have those checks and balances in place (I'm sure you have already thought about that). Unfortunately, without that balance, there are many that will take advantage of your giving nature.
I've not a huge push over, but there are many times in my life where I have gone above and beyond not necessarily caring for myself, because I can be that person too. Those times never lasted that long though because my inner voice would be saying hold on - what exactly ARE you doing? And I would listen.
- The person that goes above and beyond looking out for others:
With no thought of their own wellbeing
Will catch themselves and change that but still don't really take time caring for themselves (and may therefore end up in the same kind of situations)
Will catch themselves and change that and decide it's time to care for themselves and apply that going forward
We can all have been in all these situations (I have). Where are you in this list?
I can relate to so much in this thread. After many years together my ABF recently left me. Kaya what your A said is kinda what my A tried to tell me. I couldn’t hear it thru my anger and pain. That I stole his peace the drinking temporarily gave him. My anger was pushing him away. I get it now. I would prepare for the worst before he opened the first of 20 beers. He was a nice guy until about the 10th beer. I was just exhausted from dealing with this almost daily. I knew it would be a long insane night that he and the beer controlled. But that was going to happen anyway. My anger made it worse or gave him reason to blame me. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Daily lied to and let down. So anger was maybe all I had. My anger was full of love for him and hope for us if that makes sense. I was always there for him. kept him out of trouble. Put up with his shenanigans. My friends never understood why I didn’t kick him out. Because I knew how empty my life would without him. He found a way out. I think he is happy and sober now with true love gf and all he ever wanted…. just not with me. And I can’t stop crying either.
I can relate to so much in this thread. After many years together my ABF recently left me. Kaya what your A said is kinda what my A tried to tell me. I couldn’t hear it thru my anger and pain. That I stole his peace the drinking temporarily gave him. My anger was pushing him away. I get it now. I would prepare for the worst before he opened the first of 20 beers. He was a nice guy until about the 10th beer. I was just exhausted from dealing with this almost daily. I knew it would be a long insane night that he and the beer controlled. But that was going to happen anyway. My anger made it worse or gave him reason to blame me. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Daily lied to and let down. So anger was maybe all I had. My anger was full of love for him and hope for us if that makes sense. I was always there for him. kept him out of trouble. Put up with his shenanigans. My friends never understood why I didn’t kick him out. Because I knew how empty my life would without him. He found a way out. I think he is happy and sober now with true love gf and all he ever wanted…. just not with me. And I can’t stop crying either.
I'm not sure why you think he is now living an amazing lifestyle, sober and happy, but what appears on the outside may not be what's really happening.
But regardless, he wasn't good for you. It's going to take some time to get through the pain unfortunately, that's just the truth. I hope you will start a thread too with your story.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
I can relate to so much in this thread. After many years together my ABF recently left me. Kaya what your A said is kinda what my A tried to tell me. I couldn’t hear it thru my anger and pain. That I stole his peace the drinking temporarily gave him. My anger was pushing him away. I get it now. I would prepare for the worst before he opened the first of 20 beers. He was a nice guy until about the 10th beer. I was just exhausted from dealing with this almost daily. I knew it would be a long insane night that he and the beer controlled. But that was going to happen anyway. My anger made it worse or gave him reason to blame me. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Daily lied to and let down. So anger was maybe all I had. My anger was full of love for him and hope for us if that makes sense. I was always there for him. kept him out of trouble. Put up with his shenanigans. My friends never understood why I didn’t kick him out. Because I knew how empty my life would without him. He found a way out. I think he is happy and sober now with true love gf and all he ever wanted…. just not with me. And I can’t stop crying either.
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