Silence in Rehab?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by Leftinthedust 
Today is day 120 the AW has been the in patient facility. She called Sunday night ( I was the last person she tried to call after my step daughter wouldn’t answer, and it was so she could try to talk with our minor daughter, who was gone out handing candy bags to the neighbors). I’d just gotten finished looking through her iPhone (owned by my company) that we figured out the unlock code to. Lots of useful info and lots of heart wrenching info for me. Anyhow, she didn’t hang up on me for the 15 minutes she had to talk. Which is a first. But I didn’t ask her or tell her we’d unlocked her phone. Found out she somehow had a burner phone and was messaging on Instagram telling her friends she was getting divorced (this was on Sept 4). On Sept 3 she’d told my step daughter she was setting up a family Zoom meeting for us in the next week. Still waiting 2 months later. Also found out the depths of the guy grooming her to go after me in a divorce. I think she gave him visitation rights (nobody in our family has gotten those), and gave him her debit card to make purchases for her. Over a 3 week span the card was drained online and at stores and atm’s around her facility in downtown Salt Lake City. Usually if a card is stolen they drain it in hours. The card and pin had to present for many of those. She told her case manager last week (sent to me via email from him that she still had that money). So either she’s lying to the therapist and case manager after 4 months in-patient or….? I have screenshots and emails of all the purchase notifications from her CU and screenshots of her posts on IG messenger to her friends on Sept 4 about having a phone. Both of which are supposed to be strictly forbidden in that facility. Our call was very one sided. Her still using the same defensive tactics of “you only want to rehash the past and that’s why I don’t call you” and “you just want to fight”. She also still shows no gratitude or no thanks for me bringing her to rehab and paying a ton for her to be there. She’s continued her ways of keeping her snake oil whispering “AA sponsor” guy in the picture as I have those emails and VMs now. He seemed to know all about the “approval” process for visitation and getting access to her therapist a records while I was clueless to it. Looks like she’s chosen to go down the dark path, keep her old habits and friends at the ready. I’m a week closer to being ready to serve her papers. Looks like she was way, way ahead of me…but she wants access to our minor daughter still, unsupervised when she gets out (whenever that is), and with what she’s been doing behind her protection in the facility (she’s just freeloading and hiding now), I’m fighting that with everything I have. Unbelievable…I was hoping she’d have taken a bit of a softer humbler stance after 4 months. Same old defense mechanisms are on display to me.
sundays call was the first from her in 5-weeks.
sundays call was the first from her in 5-weeks.
As horrendous as all this is, you now know you have to proceed with protecting yourself and your Daughter from her. You also know, of course, that any shared banking needs to be locked down and joint credit cards etc cancelled. He may have assured her that he would only use her card for purchases she needed, obviously not the case. You have probably advised the case manager that the money is gone, nothing more to be done there. Also, you now don't have to debate with yourself renewing her stay at rehab.
You know where you stand.
None of this is good, but at least it's clear.
I am really so sorry that this has turned out this way for you. I hope you are now able to let the guilt you had - go. This is not your fight, it's hers, always was and she has chosen not to take it up right now. She may be sober (can't be sure since she is prepared to break rules), but she is no where near any kind of recovery or healing from alcoholism. She's just holding out waiting to implement her plans.
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Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 73
I’d like to thank everyone who has replied to my blubbering in this thread. This is a process that is lonely, lonely and longer than anything I’ve gone through. I’m an individual who thought I liked to be alone on fishing and camping trips through my life. I guess was enjoying solitude and peace, not loneliness and chaos. I think I’m in those shark infested waters slowly bucking a strong current towards some sort of distant island. I’m just not sure how her switch flipped so quickly and she let this guy ( who is a drinker also) get so deep into head where she’d throw away the life I worked so hard to give her…I know it’s the alcohol and pills to an extent, but damn this hurts to the core.
anyhow, onward. I gave my daughter and the support of my great step daughter who is stronger than me. I the rejection and infidelity part kills be as much as anything at this point. I ebb and flow during the day. Have word that attorney I hired is a bulldog, so that’s good.
anyhow, onward. I gave my daughter and the support of my great step daughter who is stronger than me. I the rejection and infidelity part kills be as much as anything at this point. I ebb and flow during the day. Have word that attorney I hired is a bulldog, so that’s good.
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
I think in this instance she has created so much evidence that it's going to be a quick process, as far as the legal part.
I'm sorry she's shown her true colours, but she has. Now you know. Without a doubt. So though you've been letting go and focusing on the girls, now you can really begin the process of letting go and deciding what you truly want your life to become.
I'm sorry she's shown her true colours, but she has. Now you know. Without a doubt. So though you've been letting go and focusing on the girls, now you can really begin the process of letting go and deciding what you truly want your life to become.
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Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing
LTD
I'm so sorry! At least you know where you stand. I will comment that the longer she stays in a sober place the court case for her fighting to get shared custody of kids increases.....
I'm so sorry! At least you know where you stand. I will comment that the longer she stays in a sober place the court case for her fighting to get shared custody of kids increases.....
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,629
Yes he's a predator. I'm sorry she can't see that, but of course her thinking is far from clear and may not be for some long time. It's sad, I feel for you both and your Daughter, there is no good in this situation she has agreed to.
This is mental illness and like alcoholism (which I also consider to be a mental illness), you cannot help someone that won't accept help. That's frustrating as you know and as you read through these threads, you see. I'm sure you pause sometimes and think - this is madness! Well, yes it is. I hope one day she does accept help, for your Daughter's sake if for no other reason.
This is mental illness and like alcoholism (which I also consider to be a mental illness), you cannot help someone that won't accept help. That's frustrating as you know and as you read through these threads, you see. I'm sure you pause sometimes and think - this is madness! Well, yes it is. I hope one day she does accept help, for your Daughter's sake if for no other reason.
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