Lightness
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Lightness
Just dropping by with an update, quite a few months since AH passed. Now the trauma bond has broken, I feel very light and free. That my life is full of possibilities that I can work to achieve. I can be anything I want.
It is like I have stopped carrying a huge weight. I am starting to enjoy life again. All the tension and strain has gone. Enjoying the lovely, little, simple things in life. Everything is so simple. I can see now that AH made everything really difficult and complicated. Everything became exhausting. It isn't now.
I have been doing loads of work with my sponsor on my co-dependency traits. This is going very well, I had done a lot over the past few years already but I couldn't fully do it while AH was still here as I still needed to live in such a detached way to cope being around him. I don't think we can fully heal until we are out of the situation.
I have been working through and healing my triggers. There were loads, pretty much everything had been weaponised by AH and would trigger anxiety in me. I was so worn down. They are mostly gone now, or very weak. There were overwhelming for a while.
I wanted to share my encouragement that there is hope and we can have good lives.
The people I have in my life now are honest, don't try and manipulate and they actually do what they say they are going to do!! Takes a bit of getting used to! They don't mood swing through multiply personalities either! They are the same all the time. I love this the most. It is such a pleasure to be around people that are calm and stable. Not about to go into a tantrum at any point!
If I had not worked very hard on myself, I would have repeated the whole cycle again with another alcoholic, I also would have found calm and stable people boring. I have changed. I am now attracted to healthy people and repelled by sick ones.
It is like I have stopped carrying a huge weight. I am starting to enjoy life again. All the tension and strain has gone. Enjoying the lovely, little, simple things in life. Everything is so simple. I can see now that AH made everything really difficult and complicated. Everything became exhausting. It isn't now.
I have been doing loads of work with my sponsor on my co-dependency traits. This is going very well, I had done a lot over the past few years already but I couldn't fully do it while AH was still here as I still needed to live in such a detached way to cope being around him. I don't think we can fully heal until we are out of the situation.
I have been working through and healing my triggers. There were loads, pretty much everything had been weaponised by AH and would trigger anxiety in me. I was so worn down. They are mostly gone now, or very weak. There were overwhelming for a while.
I wanted to share my encouragement that there is hope and we can have good lives.
The people I have in my life now are honest, don't try and manipulate and they actually do what they say they are going to do!! Takes a bit of getting used to! They don't mood swing through multiply personalities either! They are the same all the time. I love this the most. It is such a pleasure to be around people that are calm and stable. Not about to go into a tantrum at any point!
If I had not worked very hard on myself, I would have repeated the whole cycle again with another alcoholic, I also would have found calm and stable people boring. I have changed. I am now attracted to healthy people and repelled by sick ones.
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