Nyxie

Hi all,
So a while back I posted about breaking up with my (now ex) ABF. I did it and I feel so much happier for it. The only downside is I'm having to stay in contact with him as he is still making the payments on my car.
He insisted I keep the car and that he wants to make the payments but everytime he gets drunk and feels I'm taking too long to reply to messages he threatens to take the car away. I've started looking for a new car despite him currently having decided that actually I can keep it after all. It might take me a while to find something as my budget is tight but once I've found something I plan to cut off all contact with him.
He's constantly messaging me, and I mean constantly. I can't tell when he's lying and when he's telling the truth but his story about where he is and what he's doing keeps changing. He wants me to come and pick him up and let him sleep at my friend's stables then flew off the handle when I told him no.
I just need to sort the car issue then I can cut him off but I'm worried about what will happen to him when I do. I don't know how he'll react, I don't want to tip him over the edge. He tells me I'm the only person he has. Does anyone else have any experience with cutting off an ex? Should I be worried about his mental state or will he be ok?

dbyrer

I am sorry for your situation but glad to hear you are taking steps in the right direction. The sooner you are financially independent from this man the better. Yes, you should be worried about his mental state when you cut off contact completely. You should be worried as to whether it will endanger you. Please make a solid plan to ensure your own safety and do not let this man harm or kill you. Spend all your energy on protecting yourself. He should spend his energy taking care of himself. That is my 2 cents. Others with more wisdom to share will be along soon.

trailmix

Hi nyxie. Please get another car as soon as possible, perhaps your family can help you out there a bit. Can someone lend you a vehicle perhaps for a few weeks?

This guy is holding you hostage and blackmailing you over a car payment! Maybe make a firm plan to sort this out by Saturday of this week? Set yourself a time line and get that solution, this is so bad for you.

He will be fine (or he won't be). At the end of the day he is a grown man and he can take care of himself. If he threatens to harm himself you can always call the police to go for a welfare check (say if you contact him and tell him the car thing is taken care of and don't see that you need to contact each other anymore and he reacts that way).

Then that's done. You can't be his caretaker. He tells you that you are the only person he has and treats your horribly - that is why you are the only person he has. That's his issue, not yours to have.

Cookie314

Is the title in his name? If it is yeah, it seems best to get a new car. If not, you should be able to take over those payments whether he wants you to or not.

Trailmix is spot on for not being responsible for his health. It's a sh*tty position to be in, no one wants to feel like they're going to cause someone harm. You aren't responsible for his actions though. How he responds to life's challenges is his choice.

If you are worried about your safety, you can actually call your local court to learn about restraining orders and if they'd be helpful to you, as well as notify your employer/landlod/family about the situation so they know not to give him or anyone else info about you or your whereabouts.

I'm glad you're still feeling happier about the breakup. It's a tough choice to make, but one that saves your sanity to do.

velma929

I suspect the longer you keep that car, the more entitled he will feel regarding attention from you, and solidifying the idea you two are still together. Getting a car of your own would be Task # 1 if it were me. That would mean borrowing someone else's, taking the bus, or asking the folks for a loan.

If you'd never met him, what would you be doing for transportation?