edoering

Honestly? Never thought I would say this but I simultaneously want to reconcile someday and know this is the right thing to do now.

I remind myself tons of rich people divorce all the time to protect assets, hide money, etc. As much as I didn’t think his relapse would last this long, this is the smart thing to do. Nothing is permanent, not the good things I love and not the bad things that hurt.

I miss him everyday, at the same time as I’m enjoying a pretty fulfilling life. I worry a little about what he’s doing, at the same time as being grateful I don’t have to see him/know him like this. I don’t want to lose another precious moment of life with the husband I know, at the same time as knowing I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.

PeacefulWater12

Sending supportive thoughts to you on this journey.

nikegoddess112

Good wishes. One day at a time. ((((hugs))))

dandylion

edoering.....I think itis very natural to have conflicting feelings at a time like this. It seems to be very common. and I oredict that you will feel better in a few days.

LovelyKaya33333

Sending you love today xo... lord knows I can relate to every word... Hugs to you ...A day at a time

SmallButMighty

*hugs* Divorce is brutal. Even when it is necessary, it just...sucks. I'm sorry you are going through the myriad of emotions that go along with this action. Grief is a weird process. It won't always feel this way.

Something that helped me was; to give myself to continue loving my AXH, (from a safe distance). He is no longer an active part of my life in any way, but he is a HUGE part of my past, so as the father of my children, he has a special place of honor, tucked away deep in my heart, that will always be for him and him alone. It wasn't ALL bad ...but I've learned from what was bad (in both of us) and released it, then tucked away the good for safe keeping. That made moving on into a different life than what I had originally planned on a whole lot easier to do.

*hug*

sage1969

Difficult to hold at this time, I know, but hold on to your serenity.

LifeRecovery

Edoering

I was under the false impression that if I ever got divorce it would be because I had fallen out of love.

It was so painful to be divorcing and to still actively be in love with my ex husband. I could not reconcile both of those thoughts and feelings.

We were not meant to get back together. The divorce gave me some wiggle room to see that. I hope that your divorce gives you space, because then the right outcome will present itself.

StephEgan

It sounds so difficult - having to divorce because of alcoholism while still hoping the old husband will reappear. I hope you feel better about it soon!

edoering

My aunt gave me a great reminder today. My brother had a pretty bad episode with mental illness and drugs (his first) within the past three years. It was very tough on the family.

She said, “now that I know he’s capable of messing up his life that badly, it changes what I’m looking out for and how much I trust him to be okay. I don’t love him any less. It doesn’t change how much I love him at all. I just can’t ‘un-know’ the destruction he’s capable of.”

That resonated for how I feel about my AH. The love didn’t change or go away or diminish. But the trust, the boundaries, the ways we interact—those are changing. And likely will continue to change.