555Lynn555

I just wanted to share with you all that my son finally made it 30 days without drinking. It took him about 3.5 months to do it, but he finally did it. I'm happy. I'm proud of him. Another part of me is afraid that this new record of time will be used as an excuse on the days he struggles hardest. I'm trying to ignore that part of me because it doesn't change anything---just hurts me. I told him I was proud of him and that while no 30 days will be easy for a long time, every 30 days he puts behind him will get just a little easier. I hope he believes that.

tomls

Very good news. Thanks for sharing that!

dandylion

Lynn.....thanks for sharing this good news with us! I am wondering if you have any support for yourself and your husband, right now? I hope that you do.
Worrying about him day and night can be such an emotional drain on your own life.
I am wishing him every success.

sage1969

Thank you for sharing this good news! I'm certain this is hard for you to watch and I'm so glad he's made it to 30.

PeacefulWater12

I share Dandy's concern about the toll the worry is taking on you. Hope you have good support. All the best to you.

555Lynn555

Thanks everyone! Support? I have my younger son (he's 22) but I think that is more of a lean on each other because we're both going through it thing. A support system is something I am lacking, and if I am honest, have lacked most of my life. There is no husband---his father and I divorced when he was 5 (he's 25 now), he lives in another state, and has not been a big part of his children's lives. I've done it alone and I continue to do it alone and because of my codependent issues, every time I've tried to have someone else in my life it got harder and more complicated, so at this point I'm kind of better off alone even if it is hard. I appreciate the concern and your reasoning is sound. I know it sounds a little crazy but as much as I do worry now, it's less. I've let go of a lot.

dandylion

Lynn.......I didn't remember that your son's father is not involved in his life. (I think I got that confused with another mother who has a similar story to yours).

Actually, though, by "support" I was not thinking of a husband/father----I was speaking in terms of finding connection and support of others--those who share your similar experience of having a child with alcoholism and having an adult child with mental health issues.
Believe me, I get it that having a personal intimate partner relationship is more complicated when a person has another dependent adult in the household.
I don't think that this should preclude having friends and other human connections in your life.
I strongly believe that you are deserving of and entitled to havig human connections in your life. Yiou deserve a connection with the world at large---as this is very important to the way we are designed to function as the human species. From what you have shared I get the distinct impression that you need more.
It is so easy to become isolated (emotionally) in your situation---and isolation is, within itself, limiting and harmful.

Lynn...I am not seaking of your relationship with your 22yr. old son---I am sure that you both benefit from that, and it is wonderful that you have that, in my opinion. But, I propose that you need more, in addition to that.
I hope that you can hear that I am trying to offer support to you (and some advice, lol).....and, not being critical of you.

I am thinking that alanon would be a good place for you to get validation and understanding of what you go through. You would find a lot of acceptance, there.
I think that this forum is Great, and face to face sharing is also very powerful.
Alanon will; also help you with your co-dependency issues that you self describe.

There is a lot of support for the parents and families with autistic members---from high functioning and all across the spectrum.
I am giving you the following website that addresses the variety of organizations and help and support that is out there. Actually, there is a lot! You are not as alon as you might think you are. There are millions of others who share your same shoes.
I hope that you will look at the website that I am sending you and give it a lot of thought.

https://www.autismparentingmagazine....lies-children/

555Lynn555

Thanks DL! I also was not speaking only of my sons' father or a "significant other". I tried Al-Anon before coming here (online) and it was not really for me. I have read numerous posts where people benefitted greatly from it so I certainly don't want to say anything negative about it. I think the structure was a bit too rehearsed for my taste and just to be frank, if I'm not comfortable, it isn't going to help. I certainly haven't chosen to keep most at arms length because I don't feel I deserve connection. I have made the decision because I deserve to receive what I give and I just don't attract giving people. I have come to realize that this is true because I have been strongly codependent my entire life. So I am working on that now instead of seeking people that will more than likely turn out to be a distraction and a set-back instead of a support system. Until I heal and master boundaries, I will continue to attract the same type of individual (and that is friends as well as romantic partners). I understand what you are saying, and I appreciate it---truly. I'm not saying you're wrong--in general or in regard to me. But for right now, I'm doing all I can---for my alcoholic son, for my other son, for my family, for my employer, for my home, and for me. I realize that statement in itself sounds overwhelmed and to be completely transparent, I frequently feel that way---but I'm working on it the best I can. I'm putting everything I have into all that I care about and that includes myself. It probably isn't enough self-care, but it's more than I am accustomed to offering myself and the more I do it, the easier it becomes and that allows me to do more for myself. I'm stumbling through it for sure, but I'm still moving forward...and for now, that looks like progress, and that's enough. I will take a look at your link for sure and I genuinely appreciate you and your caring.