rmusic88

I posted a few months back regarding my girlfriend's severe drinking problem. We recently had a couples counseling session where I wrote a 7 page letter to her, detailing her behavior in the past year. This was also for her therapist to realize what was going on because I felt she hasn't been truthful. Her therapist recommended getting professional alcohol abuse treatment.

The thing is that my girlfriend has no desire to stop drinking, she only wants to cut down. I called a local alcohol treatment center but they told me that if she doesn't want to fully quit then she isn't ready, and that someone on the level of her drinking would need to start a detox, which my girlfriend isn't willing to do.

One thing my girlfriend is willing to do is to try the SInclair/Naltrexone treatment. She thinks it's the best approach for her because she doesn't want to fully quit drinking, and that fully quitting would be hard for her because she lives with her alcoholic mother, so alcohol is always around.

To be honest, I am starting to kind of check out of the relationship. The couples counseling session was my "get your life together or I'm out" moment. I honestly have low expectations, but at this point anything is better than nothing.

Is anyone able to shed some light on this. Is it a valid approach? Part of me is saying to myself "Why am I even going through this? There are so many other women that don't have these problems"

biminiblue

Well, this site has Guidelines that prohibit the discussion of the Sinclair Method.

I'm an alcoholic in recovery and I can tell you that the only "cure" is complete abstinence forever and ever amen.

doggonecarl

I read your first post and asked the same question, why are you putting yourself through this? She wants to drink and smoke. Leave her and she can do that to her heart's content.

SparkleKitty

She has no desire to stop drinking. Full stop. Her talk of Naltrexone is nothing more than a tactic to get you to back off.

It doesn’t sound like this person can offer you what you want out of a relationship. There’s no need for either of you to twist yourself into knots to try to make it work. Why not let each other go so you can both find happiness elsewhere?

sage1969

You have answered your own questions, with these words. If you're out, you're out. Respect your boundaries: you know what you need even if your mind keeps trying to justify things.

You shouldn't need to settle for something that is better than nothing. You should be able to choose how you live your life, and you deserve to share your life with a person that cherishes you. I don't see you ever getting either of those out of your current relationship.

dandylion

rmusic....."something is better than nothing"...I think that applies when it comes to bread. I don't think it is valid when it comes to relationships.

trailmix

Yes, why are you going through this. She doesn't have a problem with her drinking, you do (not meant harshly). Really there are only two options here, stay and accept her just the way she is (and I mean this sincerely) or leave the relationship. it would be nice if there were another option, she wanted to quit drinking forever and be with you on a sandy beach - but unfortunately that's not on the table.

Kudos to her for giving it to your straight, she does not want to quit drinking - period. At least she isn't pretending.

As to your other question, you can research Naltrexone, of course (and more than the Ted Talk!)

Here are a few threads with a bit of information:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...lcoholics.html (Medication to treat alcoholics?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...altrexone.html (Naltrexone?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...altrexone.html (Naltrexone)

BlownOne

Let go or be dragged. I agree 100% with what the other posters have said. It's a dead end unless she wants to quit literally more than anything else in the world, because that's the type of commitment it takes for an alcoholic to recover and stay in recovery. Alcoholism is rotten and painful, but it really is out of your hands. Best of luck.

dbyrer

Sounds like she wants to be able to drink like a normal person. If she is an alcoholic, that will never be possible. Sure, it's understandable, but not possible. As another wisely said, let go or be dragged. You can wish her well from afar.

PeacefulWater12

There are several "snake oil" so called systems out there that alkies can use to pretend to themselves and others that they are tackling their drinking problem. All smoke and mirrors and lies.

Have little charts or graphs to fill in to "control" their drinking. Count units. Whatever.

Is not genuine recovery in any way shape all form.

As you say there are plenty of other possible partners out there that won't drag you into that insanity.

All the best.

555Lynn555

My son is receiving Vivitrol injections. He just recently had his 3rd. His MAT provider said that he prefers to use the injections because the oral medication "doesn't work". My son experienced severe alcohol cravings and this seems to decrease them but not make them go away. Additionally, he has drank 3 different times since he started (twice in the first month and once in the second month). He says that while it blocks the receptors and the effects are different, he still gets what he wants from alcohol---which is the physical relaxed feeling and the escape in my opinion. So all of that to agree--you have to want to quit or it isn't going to be helpful and even then it's one tool of many and not a miracle. I'm not a professional but I cannot see what you described working for anyone with a problem. I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish you the best in whatever you decide. It's a painful road to love an alcoholic.

velma929

In a cursory search of the internet I found a couple people who said they just had to drink more to get the effect of alcohol.

wehav2day

Ok I just read a little, and I gotta say, my bs detectors we’re going off the charts.

“harm reduction” is the unicorn pooping rainbows of the alcoholic world. I’ve seen people use all kinds of substances to help them reduce consumption. The only time I’ve ever heard of it working is when the person sincerely wanted to quit.

using a substance to lessen your reliance on another substance, is not usually a good idea. If a person is thinking about that approach, while still wishing to maintain the attachment to the first substance… that’s a recipe for failure.

I tell you this not to be judgey. I totally did it myself. My first attempt to quit drinking was to go to a psychiatrist. Said psychiatrist put me on a rotating hamster wheel of medications to “help” me treat my anxiety in hopes of making me no longer want to self medicate with alcohol.

If an alcoholic wants to get better, we have to stop drinking. “Moderation” only works for folks who weren’t fully alcoholic in the first place. And if you’re clinging to the hope of a drug helping you moderate…. You’re probably past that working out.

What’s more important to you though, is your well being. I think you know you can’t fix her. She has to find it within herself to get true help. Or not. (Which is very hard to watch, I know)

Cookie314

I'm not sure how well naltrexone helps or not. My AH began taking it and a few other things when he returned from rehab. He said that it was helping him with his cravings. So it might help with the physical effects of cravings and things like that. I do know it is meant to be a short term solution to help someone get their feet under them. I think it could be helpful to someone who wants to quit cope with the cravings and such. That said, I don't think it would help someone who doesn't actually want to quit. In addition, this is all second hand knowledge from what I remember of my AH describing about the medicine, and looking it up. Ultimately talking to a medical professional would be her best bet on deciding if it's right or not. I think if she's serious about her recovery, she will seek out the tools she needs to achieve it.

That said, her recovery isn't your place to control in this. She will recover, or she won't as she chooses. You cannot change the outcome, only she can. I think the efficacy of naltrexone isn't really the issue here, as others have pointed out. While the Sinclair method may or may not be a valid approach, what does it matter? You said part of you is asking why you're doing this; I think you should really introspect and explore that question fully. Why are you staying in this relationship? What is good about it, currently? (I know all relationships were great to start, and the feeling that it was good, maybe it'll be good again is very tempting. Really focus on the right now though, not on hopes for what might be.)

It seems to me you want to leave, but not quite ready to do so. So what exactly is keeping you?