pizza67

I’ve been here a while on these boards, many of you know me. I’m so paralyzed by fear of his behavior after he gets the narcissistic injury. Can you please help by refreshing my memory?

StephEgan

Just go back and read your first posts here from over a year ago and that should get you started

edoering

You deserve a life where you are happy. Where you feel safe. Fulfilled. Where you make choices out of pursuing what you want, and not based on minimizing danger and fear.

You are worth so much more, and you can’t have it until you leave.

dandylion

pizza......he isn't going to change, and this is as good as it is ever going to be.

SparkleKitty

You deserve a life that is more than just appeasing a narcissistic jerk to keep the peace. You deserve to be treasured, not abused. You deserve respect, empathy, and partnership. You deserve support and love and encouragement.

You will never get any of those things from him.

555Lynn555

You used the phrase "narcissistic injury"--that tells me you know what you're dealing with. If you know what you're dealing with then you also know that it gets worse--far worse and the cycle of abuse breaks you down more and more the longer you endure it, making it harder and harder to free yourself. That you are reaching out for support is a sign that you are ready and that you do have the strength. You likely aren't used to using it so perhaps confidence in that is lacking. Things will never get better with a narcissist. Even one moment that seems like it is part of the master plan to continue to manipulate you. They don't change. They can't change. They won't change. Narcissists are attracted to the qualities they know they can never have in themselves. They feed off you, they convince themselves that by attaching to you they also possess those qualities, and they simultaneously resent you for being all they never can. Narcissists create drama (to deflect), fear (to manipulate), and sadness (to control).

If you are afraid, please plan your escape safely and enlist all the help you need to ensure your safety. It is available through friends, family, law enforcement, and community resources---use them all if you need to.

Amaranth

Hi Pizza. good to see you. I think you're the only one that can answer that question

Anaya

The wisdom shared and sound suggestions from your post are immensely helpful.

Otherwise, I am commenting quite some time after the original post, and I am hopeful that the original poster has moved to a safer and healthier space in life, that boundaries are firmly in place.

To all, who have discovered themselves enmeshed with toxic partners -- that you may work towards safety and freedom, that you may find support and kindness.

Eauchiche

Dear Pizza
If you believe you are in physical danger with this individual, reach out to the local abuse prevention organizations to help you.
Chances are, though, your fears are worse than the reality.
The Narcissist rules by fear. When people finally stand up to them, they find a very weak individual.
You are also facing fears of venturing out on your own. People return to prison because it is comfortable to them and they are used to it. It takes courage to walk out that cell door into freedom.

Bewilderd

I don't know your story but if you know you're with a narcissist, apart from the obvious advice to run I'd say start lining up assistance for your recovery once you break away. Try to get out as soon as possible because the longer it goes on the more you will be broken down and shattered. It IS possible to rebuild but the aftermath takes a lot of support and work. Tell your friends, find a good therapist who understands this type of abuse, make a safety plan if needed but try to look BEYOND. It's truly a question of survival. You will find a way out because you are already aware. Some people do nothing but destroy but you have already seen behind the mask. Believe yourself and what you know, however hard it is, your perceptions are real.

trailmix

Pizza, hope you will check in and let us know how you are doing.

Seren

I know that leaving is terribly, terribly frightening. Sometimes, it does take a long time to work up our courage to make change. It also takes courage for those of us who hate conflict of any kind. We will turn ourselves inside out to avoid confrontation and emotionally charged conversations. I stuck it out in relationships that were well past their expiration date because of it.

Forgive me, pizza, but I don’t remember whether this man has ever been physically violent. If he has, I hope you will plan carefully.

You deserve a peaceful and joy-filled life. Please don’t let yours pass you by waiting for him to change. He will never change what he will never acknowledge. Building your beautiful life is yours for the making.

thequest

A quick review of past post including one with 'negativity' in it tells me it's time to leave especially if you still thinking about it or having to think about it. My guess things haven't changed and the drunk will not change until they want to. Time does not help in these situations. Myself and others 'waited' for years hoping the family alcoholic would hit a bottom or have an apithany-never happened. I moved far enough way they won't even think about 'asking' for favors.

Think out and think safety when detaching yourself. Call a group, organization, hotline etc for advice and let them know what you want to do. Keep your cell handy.

Good Luck and STAY SAFE!

velma929

If I recall correctly, Pizza had discovered contrary to urban myth, divorce doesn't bequeath 'half of her husband's wealth' to the wife. He sounded like a jerk, but only the spouse can determine if the financial burden is worth the mental peace that will [eventually] prevail.

If the someone is aware that the *only* reason anyone stays is for his/her money, I expect that doesn't help the addict's mental health or demeanor. My heart breaks for all involved.