Husband Secret Drinking

Old 09-08-2021, 08:10 AM
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He also claims that he thinks he does have a physical illness on top of the booze and that the times he has passed out during the day etc, he wasn't drinking. But when I look back at a lot of it, his eyes were glassy and I wonder if he was passing out drunk?! But he'd need to be pretty drunk wouldn't he? He can be just sitting there then fall over asleep and we cannot wake him up!
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Old 09-08-2021, 09:07 AM
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The thing is, *if* he is able to become sober and work his recovery, he will be a different person. *If* this happens, it will take time, years.

You already know who he is now. No one knows what the future holds. You need to take care of yourself now, in the present.

As an aside, all the health problems you listed in an earlier post, those are all symptoms of advanced alcoholism. They won't begin improving til he detoxes and stays clean and sober; some may never resolve.
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Old 09-08-2021, 09:16 AM
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Originally Posted by sage1969 View Post
The thing is, *if* he is able to become sober and work his recovery, he will be a different person. *If* this happens, it will take time, years.

You already know who he is now. No one knows what the future holds. You need to take care of yourself now, in the present.

As an aside, all the health problems you listed in an earlier post, those are all symptoms of advanced alcoholism. They won't begin improving til he detoxes and stays clean and sober; some may never resolve.
So I need to come to the conclusion that my husband is an alcoholic and has been keeping it a secret from me for a decade? That hwen I thought he was sober, he wasn't even if he won't admit it - all the signs are there that he was lying again when saying he was not drinking during the weird moments of passing out all over the place, slurring his words and seeming drunk when he wasn't - I thought he had a neurological disorder, but he was just drunk? He would end up in his bed sometimes for 3 or 4 days at a time with a really bad tremor, vertigo, nausea, vomiting and diarhea - he couldn't stand up. I know he wasn't drinking during those periods but maybe a hard session led to them? I guess I'll never know? But because people on the internet are telling me, I need to believe in my heart of hearts that he is an alcoholic and has been lying to me about it for a decade? That when he takes a few months off the sauce, that is normal alcoholic behaviour and then he always goes back to it but I just don't know because it's all secretive chugging vodka in the garage eve nthough he says it hasn't been that frequent? I saw 6 empty bottles in the golf bag - they could have taken a month to accumulate or a year and I'll never know over what period he secretly drank that? I do know that last summer, I found 3 empty 40s in the trailer and we only spent 4 or 5 weekends up there last summer so I guess I can deduce that at the trailer last summer, when he would fall asleep early or during the day pass out from his "sleep disorder", he was really actually drunk and probably had chugged 20 ounces of straight vodka? So now when he drove my daughter to the river down the road from our house and was watching her and her friend swim, and nearly passing out on the dock, was he drunk? Hungover? I guess I'll never know. So without a doctor's diagnosis or an admission from him, I need to believe with all of my being that he is secretly drunk fairly frequently, or at least buzzed and each time when I thought I smelled booze on him in the car, it was booze....so what about the more frequent times when I didn't smell booze...was he sober? I need to decide and believe it with all of my being that his abusive words, punching things, throwing plates, extreme irritability and lack of patience are all to do with secret drinking that I never knew he was doing for 10 years? And that his inability to deal with normal stuff in life - like paperwork - like how I had to deal with the lawyers and do all of his permanent residency application on my own - that was due to booze? That even though he NEVER misses a day of work, he's frequently been drinking many ounces of straight booze the night before and I never knew? That the man I thought I knew was a lie - 10 years of lies and at any moment he could have explained to me that he was passing out at weird times and I was unable to wake him up because he was drunk? So now when he passedout this weekend and I looked and there was no vodka gone from his golf bag, that was somehow due to the secret drinking too? The insomnia is due to the secret drinking? All of this is due to secret drinking even though I have no idea how frequent or how voluminous it is? This is really hard.
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Old 09-08-2021, 09:21 AM
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As an aside, all the health problems you listed in an earlier post, those are all symptoms of advanced alcoholism. They won't begin improving til he detoxes and stays clean and sober; some may never resolve. - so insomnia ( he does also have moderate sleep apnea ), passing out randomly in th emiddle of the day, the aggression, the high ferritin, low platlets, low magnesium, low potassium (I've been giving him electrolyte tablets and that has helped his worst illness symptoms), tremor, vertigo, weight loss - all booze? Liver ultrasound is fine though.
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Old 09-08-2021, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by StephEgan View Post
As an aside, all the health problems you listed in an earlier post, those are all symptoms of advanced alcoholism. They won't begin improving til he detoxes and stays clean and sober; some may never resolve. - so insomnia ( he does also have moderate sleep apnea ), passing out randomly in th emiddle of the day, the aggression, the high ferritin, low platlets, low magnesium, low potassium (I've been giving him electrolyte tablets and that has helped his worst illness symptoms), tremor, vertigo, weight loss - all booze? Liver ultrasound is fine though.
OK reading this https://www.the-alcoholism-guide.org...lcoholism.html and this https://www.the-alcoholism-guide.org...ithdrawal.html

So likely those really bad "episodes" were to do with either withdrawal or just the fact that he's nearing this end stage where the withdrawal symptoms can happen at any time? He would shake and when it happened, his blood pressure would be VERY high like 190/100 ... then over a period of days it would all fade away thencome back a few weeks later. He regularly has a hand tremor now but in the episodes, his face also has a tremor
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Old 09-08-2021, 09:42 AM
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This!

End-stage alcoholism is normally associated with severe symptoms of alcohol withdrawal and serious illnesses. Withdrawal occurs when going without alcohol results in physical body reactions like nausea, shaking, and in more adverse cases, tremors and seizures.

I am absolutely floored by this!!! What does "end-stage" even mean?! Close to death? He's 41 yrs old and fit and goes to worka physical job 50 hours each week!
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Old 09-08-2021, 10:27 AM
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Yes, those symptoms you mentioned are all withdrawal symptoms, does he have extreme sweating ever?

"End stage" doesn't mean he is at death's door, it just means his alcoholism is severe. It comes, generally, with a lot of health challenges.

He may be fit (although from your descriptions it doesn't' sound like it) and may go to work 50 hours a week, but he can still have alcoholism at end-stage. Look at all the health challenges he is having. He can still function with all of that until he can't.

That's why when some people describe an alcoholic as "high functioning" it is just a misnomer, they are high functioning until they aren't.

My Father was an alcoholic and worked long, hard hours all his life in tough areas of the world, until he retired.




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Old 09-08-2021, 10:36 AM
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I also want to mention that him withdrawing, on his own, over and over is playing with fire, although I'm sure many alcoholics do this. At some point he may have a seizure or worse. Just be prepared (sorry, not trying to scare you), if he seems to be flagging during one of these withdrawal sessions, don't hesitate to call an ambulance, better to be safe.

Just because he has never had a seizure (that you know of) doesn't mean he won't.


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Old 09-08-2021, 10:54 AM
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I had absolutely no idea he was in withdrawal but it certainly sounds like that is what it was - so he was drinking hard then stopping and having these 4 days of crashes then he must have been drinking again to then have the 4 days happen 2 or 3 weeks later? He sometimes sits and stares at the floor for so long and it looks like an absense seizure - I was going to tell the neurologist this. I guess there is no point in a neurologist now? And an MRI?

How much do you have to drink to have withdrawal like that?

He was so bad the past year with his illness that I guess has been booze that I am shocked he has not missed a day of work since he started this job 4 months ago now. In our old life, he had an office job and never missed it either - it has only been th epast 2 yrs that he has had these flareups of what I thought was some sort of neuro disorder or maybe a liver issue. It hasn't happened for a good few months now - 4 or 5 months I'd say so he has been drinking that whole time then likely? End stage is when those symptoms just happen at random - so if it is in withdrawal it happens maybe he isn't at end stage? Ultrasound of all abdominal organs showed zero issues!
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Old 09-08-2021, 11:35 AM
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Now I remember - the referring doctor gave us the results and I was there - all good in the ultrasound so how can it be this advanced and no sign of organ damage?
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Old 09-08-2021, 12:12 PM
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It could just be extremely lucky that he doesn't have internal organ damage yet.

But yes, when you stop to think about everything alcohol does to a body, it's scary. It's no wonder your husband feels so ill, going through withdrawals every few days. If he's going to detox, he needs to go to a treatment center. As was already mentioned, he could have seizures or other serious health episodes, but you know this -- I'm glad you're doing some reading. The more you learn, the better.
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Old 09-08-2021, 01:38 PM
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He has probably been drinking the whole time if he hasn't been in withdrawal. You don't have to drink copious amounts either, necessarily - to keep withdrawal at bay, a steady flow of alcohol, maybe not even enough to get drunk can keep them at bay (for some). Plus he probably has a tolerance to alcohol now, so while he might be able to drink a flask of alcohol with no outward signs of being drunk, if you drank the same amount you might be quite drunk.

The alcohol you have found may not be the only alcohol he has had. He could be drinking on the way home from work, at work at lunch, after work, no way to tell.

As for his medical issues, it's just impossible to say really.

We have done blood tests which showed he had very high ferritin and his symptoms did fit liver issues .... so I thought maybe haemacromatosis and all different things. The liver specialist told me alcohol is the likely cause of the elevated ferritin but I said wel that can't be because he doesn't drink really at all!

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Old 09-08-2021, 01:45 PM
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OMG it didn't even occur to me he could have other bottles stashed elsewhere?! His car is always pristine and empty so there's nothing in there. I gotta go check up at the trailer but he may have already been to clear anything that was there away without me knowing on his way home from work or something one night. I have a key hidden there so it's easiliy possible. I'm such a twit - I never even checked in the trailer where he hid **** last summer! I just moved on from all of that!
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Old 09-08-2021, 01:54 PM
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So to keep withdrawal at bay is like 2 or 3 ounces of booze enough? A beer or 2? That type of thing?
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Old 09-08-2021, 02:32 PM
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Originally Posted by StephEgan View Post
So to keep withdrawal at bay is like 2 or 3 ounces of booze enough? A beer or 2? That type of thing?
Yes, again, it's just a general thing, might take more or less for different people. Plus as soon as that alcohol gets processed they might get thrown right back in to withdrawal, so it has to be something ongoing.

If they don't drink for a while, go through withdrawal and are on the other side, they may lose all those symptoms, or they can appear sporadically (or be ongoing for a long time - affects different people differently).


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Old 09-08-2021, 05:51 PM
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OK thank you.
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