“More will be revealed” … it’s so true!
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 200
“More will be revealed” … it’s so true!
I remember reading this quote on here a few times at the start of my “journey” ie when I finally twigged my husband was an alcoholic. Yep two years down the line I’m finding out the truth. The lies! Omg I doubted he would lie to the degree that he has. I believed that despite the drinking, that he really did love our children and would do right by them after we split.
So I had to do a bit of detective work for my upcoming court hearing in September. We haven’t divorced yet due to him dragging his feet, not meeting court deadlines and refusing to offer me any financial settlement. He was forced by court order to disclose his bank statements for the last 12 months. He has only still disclosed one account - there is more to uncover but wow! 😬 going through these I discovered a subscription to a dating site!!
of course I took advantage of the free three day trial and signed up 😂 to look at his profile. He’s got the mandatory photos of himself holding a drink in every picture. In Spain (so he’s had a foreign holiday since we split! Nice bit of “Lifestyle evidence” for a man that claims to be on the breadline)
he also says he is “divorced” he’s not. Also he’s a “lover of fine wines” 😯
Apparently he is “very romantic” and he’s looking for a lady aged 35-50 (he’s almost 60) and he only has one flaw which is that he can sometimes be a little impatient”
any takers? Form an orderly queue! 😂
Strangely it didn’t upset me to see that. More I worry for the poor soul that falls for it.
I also added up his regular spends in the off licence. Over £400 a month so at least he’s consistent…
Also revealed such obvious tax evasion that I’m surprised he handed them over. Tax returns for the businesses were zero and showed no profit - because he’s having all his clients pay into the personal account!!! I have a very strong case for the judge any way. I’ll update you when I know more.
He pays me no child support. Doesn’t buy the kids birthday gifts or Christmas gifts (or ever wish my eldest girls happy birthday) says he will, but then says he’s broke.
Another revelation I saw that last year on our youngest daughters birthday I had paid him £50 to pick up a Chinese takeout for her he told me he “was on his knees broke” He actually had more money in his account that week than I’ve ever had the entire time we’ve been apart. 🙄 He has also sold marital assets and cashed in pensions.
So if anyone is who still in the early stages doubting that their AH is really as bad as all that … my advice sadly is to assume the worst until proven otherwise. And to treat every word you hear from them as a lie.
So I had to do a bit of detective work for my upcoming court hearing in September. We haven’t divorced yet due to him dragging his feet, not meeting court deadlines and refusing to offer me any financial settlement. He was forced by court order to disclose his bank statements for the last 12 months. He has only still disclosed one account - there is more to uncover but wow! 😬 going through these I discovered a subscription to a dating site!!
of course I took advantage of the free three day trial and signed up 😂 to look at his profile. He’s got the mandatory photos of himself holding a drink in every picture. In Spain (so he’s had a foreign holiday since we split! Nice bit of “Lifestyle evidence” for a man that claims to be on the breadline)
he also says he is “divorced” he’s not. Also he’s a “lover of fine wines” 😯
Apparently he is “very romantic” and he’s looking for a lady aged 35-50 (he’s almost 60) and he only has one flaw which is that he can sometimes be a little impatient”
any takers? Form an orderly queue! 😂
Strangely it didn’t upset me to see that. More I worry for the poor soul that falls for it.
I also added up his regular spends in the off licence. Over £400 a month so at least he’s consistent…
Also revealed such obvious tax evasion that I’m surprised he handed them over. Tax returns for the businesses were zero and showed no profit - because he’s having all his clients pay into the personal account!!! I have a very strong case for the judge any way. I’ll update you when I know more.
He pays me no child support. Doesn’t buy the kids birthday gifts or Christmas gifts (or ever wish my eldest girls happy birthday) says he will, but then says he’s broke.
Another revelation I saw that last year on our youngest daughters birthday I had paid him £50 to pick up a Chinese takeout for her he told me he “was on his knees broke” He actually had more money in his account that week than I’ve ever had the entire time we’ve been apart. 🙄 He has also sold marital assets and cashed in pensions.
So if anyone is who still in the early stages doubting that their AH is really as bad as all that … my advice sadly is to assume the worst until proven otherwise. And to treat every word you hear from them as a lie.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Interesting you say it didn't upset you, I relate. I found it very validating when my AH's lies came out into the open. It confirmed that my gut reactions were right. I found quite a lot of relief and peace in it.
Take care.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
Ahhh, online matchmaking! Yep, looking for arm candy 15 years younger than himself, not mentioning the children he needs to support, 'lover of fine wines' indeed! I used to like best "looking for someone open-minded," which usually meant he was married.
I had the great good fortune once and the man in question gave me his phone number in case I had to cancel, and I did have to cancel owing to an ice storm beginning about an hour before we were to meet. Turns out the number was his ex-wife's cell, not his own. More was certainly revealed.
I had the great good fortune once and the man in question gave me his phone number in case I had to cancel, and I did have to cancel owing to an ice storm beginning about an hour before we were to meet. Turns out the number was his ex-wife's cell, not his own. More was certainly revealed.
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
It's usually amazing how much we overlook until it's all laid out in front of us . . . it can be so self - affirming to find we were not imagining things, that intuition was correct. I've learnt now to always take note when I get "gut feelings." I don't always act on them, but I listen.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Lol.....I have never seen an alcoholic refuse a drink because it was not "fine" enough.
Bless you, RainingButtons----you do have a good sense of humor. "Form an orderly Queue"......Ha, ha, ha, ha ha!!
Thanks so much for bringing us the update. Let us know how you get along with the court date. I am anxious to hear---and I do hope that you get some modicum of justice.
Bless you, RainingButtons----you do have a good sense of humor. "Form an orderly Queue"......Ha, ha, ha, ha ha!!
Thanks so much for bringing us the update. Let us know how you get along with the court date. I am anxious to hear---and I do hope that you get some modicum of justice.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 200
Originally Posted by velma929 
Ahhh, online matchmaking! Yep, looking for arm candy 15 years younger than himself, not mentioning the children he needs to support, 'lover of fine wines' indeed! I used to like best "looking for someone open-minded," which usually meant he was married.
I had the great good fortune once and the man in question gave me his phone number in case I had to cancel, and I did have to cancel owing to an ice storm beginning about an hour before we were to meet. Turns out the number was his ex-wife's cell, not his own. More was certainly revealed.
I had the great good fortune once and the man in question gave me his phone number in case I had to cancel, and I did have to cancel owing to an ice storm beginning about an hour before we were to meet. Turns out the number was his ex-wife's cell, not his own. More was certainly revealed.
I had a little browse of the local available talent whilst on that site (making the most of the 3 day trial 😂
it’s actually interesting how many men think a beer or wine in hand is a necessary prop for a photo. To me (and I bet a lot of women) that’s an instant no no. Also several of them photographed with only one arm as it’s so obvious a wife is cut out of the picture! One or two didn’t look like serial killers. But still didn’t tempt me to buy a subscription I’m enjoying being single and free far too much right now!
yes it was weirdly good to have my suspicions validated.
The “fine wines” made me laugh out loud. He never pays more than £6.99 for a bottle in that off licence 😂 must pair nicely with a two day old takeout vindaloo I guess 🤷🏻♀️😬
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 200
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
At least, thank God, he had his clothes on at the dating website.....
that beer belly was carefully edited out (head and shoulder shots only)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
At least, thank God, he had his clothes on at the dating website.....
Thanks, Eauchiche
Sometimes is good to laugh at just how insane all this stuff.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
So good to hear an update from you RB! I'm always excited to see what you have to tell. It makes me smile to see you gaining more strength each time you come back to post. You've come so far in your recovery, you truly are an inspiration.
*hugs*
*hugs*
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 200
Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
So good to hear an update from you RB! I'm always excited to see what you have to tell. It makes me smile to see you gaining more strength each time you come back to post. You've come so far in your recovery, you truly are an inspiration.
*hugs*
*hugs*
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