He cares more about the alcohol than my getting home safely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Crazyland
Posts: 22
He cares more about the alcohol than my getting home safely
When I got home the other night, my AH was passed out in bed. He reeked of alcohol.
I worked late and didn't arrive home until 2am. Because it was so late, I tried to catch a cab when I got off of the train. Just missed one. But then the bus arrived. I decided to take it. The only problem with taking the bus is that the stop is two blocks away from my home. So, of course, I am a bit worried about walking home so late. I called on his cell phone. No answer. I call on our home phone. I get the answering machine. I start rambling thinking he's screening calls. No answer. I call again. Same thing. So I am thinking he must be in the bathroom. So I was pissed to see him in bed when I walked into our bedroom.
For me, it's hard going to sleep angry. Especially, when my AH is next to me snoring. So I just got up and slept on the couch.
Next morning, I said "Good morning", cheerfully. I didn't make any mention about the night before. I wanted to say something. Especially since, to my knowledge he had been "dry" for almost a month. He asked me why I was on the couch and I told him it was his snoring. Of course, that was partly the truth. But why waste my breath sounding like a broken record. He obviously cares more about his alcohol than my getting home safely.
I refuse to let him get to me. I am trying my best to follow steps in Al-Anon. I believe my Higher Power will give me the grace needed to see me through.
Thank you for letting me share.
I worked late and didn't arrive home until 2am. Because it was so late, I tried to catch a cab when I got off of the train. Just missed one. But then the bus arrived. I decided to take it. The only problem with taking the bus is that the stop is two blocks away from my home. So, of course, I am a bit worried about walking home so late. I called on his cell phone. No answer. I call on our home phone. I get the answering machine. I start rambling thinking he's screening calls. No answer. I call again. Same thing. So I am thinking he must be in the bathroom. So I was pissed to see him in bed when I walked into our bedroom.
For me, it's hard going to sleep angry. Especially, when my AH is next to me snoring. So I just got up and slept on the couch.
Next morning, I said "Good morning", cheerfully. I didn't make any mention about the night before. I wanted to say something. Especially since, to my knowledge he had been "dry" for almost a month. He asked me why I was on the couch and I told him it was his snoring. Of course, that was partly the truth. But why waste my breath sounding like a broken record. He obviously cares more about his alcohol than my getting home safely.
I refuse to let him get to me. I am trying my best to follow steps in Al-Anon. I believe my Higher Power will give me the grace needed to see me through.
Thank you for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
You're doing the right thing.
It's hard when we want someone to care about us and things like getting home safely, and their addiction comes first.
Unfortunately, that's the way it is when they're active.
So it's our choice as to how we allow that to affect us.
It's hard when we want someone to care about us and things like getting home safely, and their addiction comes first.
Unfortunately, that's the way it is when they're active.
So it's our choice as to how we allow that to affect us.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi Dreams,
It is tough to do the footwork in recovery. Sometimes every cell in my body screams to react in my old ways. Those ways were my defense against pain for a long, long time. But by following the Al-Anon principles, and giving them a real try, I eventually got the ability to detach with love; to allow others to do what they were going to do without it making me miserable.
I couldn't do it without the support of my group, my sponsor, and this forum. Having a place to vent and get it out, while trying to do something new, uncomfortable, and scary, was a life saver.
Keep coming back. Vent when you need too. And keep up the work. It will pay off. Give yourself a pat on the back for being able to do it. It is not something that everyone is able to do. Hugs, Magic
It is tough to do the footwork in recovery. Sometimes every cell in my body screams to react in my old ways. Those ways were my defense against pain for a long, long time. But by following the Al-Anon principles, and giving them a real try, I eventually got the ability to detach with love; to allow others to do what they were going to do without it making me miserable.
I couldn't do it without the support of my group, my sponsor, and this forum. Having a place to vent and get it out, while trying to do something new, uncomfortable, and scary, was a life saver.
Keep coming back. Vent when you need too. And keep up the work. It will pay off. Give yourself a pat on the back for being able to do it. It is not something that everyone is able to do. Hugs, Magic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Crazyland
Posts: 22
Thanks Gabe. Thanks Magic. There sure was a battle going on inside. I am hoping as I keep practicing Al-Anon principals it will get better. Being able to vent in this forum truly helps. I just hope you guys don't get sick of me....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: a state of insanity
Posts: 37
wow, dreams you are a better woman then I am....I am still reading Codependant no More...I think I get it and then I feel really strong, I even read out loud to my husband, our son is the addict. I hope to be where you are one day. I am glad you got home ok.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Crazyland
Posts: 22
Fancy, I'm "letting go and letting God." I am learning how truly powerless I am over alcohol. I am putting my trust in my Higher power. For some reason that brings me comfort. Like I don't have to have all the answers. And that's ok. It doesn't make me a horrible person.
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