Guess I’m a hooker. Not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
Guess I’m a hooker. Not.
He’s been making a point of complaining about us sleeping apart and then right after, asking about our checking balance, suggesting I “get used” to having less money, etc. Like he’s going to get me to give it up for money. Please tell me I’m not out of line for being enraged by that notion.
It’s clear to me that’s all he cares about, if I did that stuff but was still miserable, he’d be fine.
It’s clear to me that’s all he cares about, if I did that stuff but was still miserable, he’d be fine.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
So how much longer can you take this? Have you seen a lawyer recently to find out what the actual financial split would be should you choose to separate? That wouldn’t be up to him, but decided by the laws of your state. His hot air threatening you is simply hot air meant to keep you in line.
Yes, I understand your anger—this would offend me so much I think it would be a dealbreaker
Yes, I understand your anger—this would offend me so much I think it would be a dealbreaker
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
So how much longer can you take this? Have you seen a lawyer recently to find out what the actual financial split would be should you choose to separate? That wouldn’t be up to him, but decided by the laws of your state. His hot air threatening you is simply hot air meant to keep you in line.
Yes, I understand your anger—this would offend me so much I think it would be a dealbreaker
Yes, I understand your anger—this would offend me so much I think it would be a dealbreaker
I actually asked for the financial details today so hopefully I will hear back.
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
Pizza,
He's grasping at straws, attempting to find ways to anger you, to throw you off balance. As an addict he sees his main enabler slipping away. As an abuser, he sees his hold over you slipping. Maybe money is the way to get you to come back begging? If not, maybe he'll go after something else next.
Remember that this is the most dangerous time for you, if he thinks you are leaving. Behave the same as you always have. Have the plans in place to leave safely. When you leave, don't go back.
He's grasping at straws, attempting to find ways to anger you, to throw you off balance. As an addict he sees his main enabler slipping away. As an abuser, he sees his hold over you slipping. Maybe money is the way to get you to come back begging? If not, maybe he'll go after something else next.
Remember that this is the most dangerous time for you, if he thinks you are leaving. Behave the same as you always have. Have the plans in place to leave safely. When you leave, don't go back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by sage1969
Pizza,
He's grasping at straws, attempting to find ways to anger you, to throw you off balance. As an addict he sees his main enabler slipping away. As an abuser, he sees his hold over you slipping. Maybe money is the way to get you to come back begging? If not, maybe he'll go after something else next.
Remember that this is the most dangerous time for you, if he thinks you are leaving. Behave the same as you always have. Have the plans in place to leave safely. When you leave, don't go back.
He's grasping at straws, attempting to find ways to anger you, to throw you off balance. As an addict he sees his main enabler slipping away. As an abuser, he sees his hold over you slipping. Maybe money is the way to get you to come back begging? If not, maybe he'll go after something else next.
Remember that this is the most dangerous time for you, if he thinks you are leaving. Behave the same as you always have. Have the plans in place to leave safely. When you leave, don't go back.
Omg I’d rather have root canal than leave and go back again
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
pizza.....well, of course you are not 'out of line"----the anger that you feel in your insides tells you that.
To me, it looks like you would benefit from tons of Validation---Validation----Validation. I hope you re getting it from your lawyer. I hope you have a lawyer that you ca n cling to...lol. This is where your support group comes into play. Talking about all support---from your therapist/counselor, your alanon group, your dv organization workers, any friends that you might have. I cannot stress that this is so difficult and scary, that support is essential. to do it without support from those who have your back, it is tantamount to trying to go uphill with a large boulder strapped to your back. Human support is the most precious commodity.
I can see that you have not been allowed (by whatever circumstances in your existence) to own your own Self. Maybe, you are moving closer to bringing this injustice to an end....? I pray for you that this is happening.
Again---some of the things that he says to try to keep you in line, remind me sooo much of my first husband, when I was divorcing him---the father of y three small children (at the the time). He was extraordinarily motivated by money. He warned me that I would be so broke that I would "come crawling back within 6 months".
Ha! I wanted out of his critical prison so much that I would have been happy to live in a refrigerator box, under a bridge (as long as I had the kids)...and he threatened to take custody of the kids, also. He threatened everything that he could to scare and intimidate me. It didn't work! I thrived by being out of those prison walls.
By the way---my lawyer was such a support to me---when I would cry to him on the phone---he would say---"leave it to me---you are going to be just fine". I did just fine.
To me, it looks like you would benefit from tons of Validation---Validation----Validation. I hope you re getting it from your lawyer. I hope you have a lawyer that you ca n cling to...lol. This is where your support group comes into play. Talking about all support---from your therapist/counselor, your alanon group, your dv organization workers, any friends that you might have. I cannot stress that this is so difficult and scary, that support is essential. to do it without support from those who have your back, it is tantamount to trying to go uphill with a large boulder strapped to your back. Human support is the most precious commodity.
I can see that you have not been allowed (by whatever circumstances in your existence) to own your own Self. Maybe, you are moving closer to bringing this injustice to an end....? I pray for you that this is happening.
Again---some of the things that he says to try to keep you in line, remind me sooo much of my first husband, when I was divorcing him---the father of y three small children (at the the time). He was extraordinarily motivated by money. He warned me that I would be so broke that I would "come crawling back within 6 months".
Ha! I wanted out of his critical prison so much that I would have been happy to live in a refrigerator box, under a bridge (as long as I had the kids)...and he threatened to take custody of the kids, also. He threatened everything that he could to scare and intimidate me. It didn't work! I thrived by being out of those prison walls.
By the way---my lawyer was such a support to me---when I would cry to him on the phone---he would say---"leave it to me---you are going to be just fine". I did just fine.
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