Feeling stuck
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Feeling stuck
This last week I feel stuck. Stuck in my anger and grief. I felt like I was moving through it before but now it feels like I’m on auto pilot. It’s like I got too tired to feel anymore. I could just be having a hard week but it’s like I don’t want to do the work anymore. I’ve succumbed to the sadness that my marriage with my AH is over. I’m angry at myself for missing him. I’m trying to decipher if I miss HIM. Cause he was always buzzed or drunk. So what is it I miss. It’s small moments that are hard to separate… I missing the comfort but I know it wasn’t right or healthy. I think I need to adjust my self talk. This last week I’ve been questioning everything. I need to go back to “he is an active alcoholic who told me out loud he has no plans to quit and he knows he’s an alcoholic… he also treated me very poorly in addition”. My ego hurts that he isn’t calling saying he is so sorry. My heart hurts cause there is a space in my bed that is now empty and my cat still cry’s for him at night. I’m happy in some ways it’s over … I guess it’s only been 7 weeks. I can’t expect to feel amazing after a 7 year relationship ended
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Originally Posted by LovelyKaya33333 
I’ve succumbed to the sadness that my marriage with my AH is over. I’m angry at myself for missing him. I’m trying to decipher if I miss HIM.
It takes on a life of it's own, however, and all you can do is ride it out.
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I'm sure someone has already suggested this but just in case not, it was very helpful to me. That is:
1. Make a list of all of the things that were wrong with him -- things you had a problem with in your relationship. For me, that was all the times he stood me up for dates so he could drink, all the times he blew me off so he could drink, all the times I was embarrassed because he blew me off, all the money he spent drinking, all the ridiculous texting fights when he couldn't reason, and on and on.
2. Now make a list of all the things about him that he actually did that made you super happy. Not things that he said he would do (but didn't do), and not things he could have done, but things he actually did that made you super happy.
Once I made my two lists (the first was huge, the second barely had anything on it because he was all words and no action), it all became clear to me.
1. Make a list of all of the things that were wrong with him -- things you had a problem with in your relationship. For me, that was all the times he stood me up for dates so he could drink, all the times he blew me off so he could drink, all the times I was embarrassed because he blew me off, all the money he spent drinking, all the ridiculous texting fights when he couldn't reason, and on and on.
2. Now make a list of all the things about him that he actually did that made you super happy. Not things that he said he would do (but didn't do), and not things he could have done, but things he actually did that made you super happy.
Once I made my two lists (the first was huge, the second barely had anything on it because he was all words and no action), it all became clear to me.
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Originally Posted by Eauchiche
Sounds like you are going through stages of grief. This is normal.
It takes on a life of it's own, however, and all you can do is ride it out.
It takes on a life of it's own, however, and all you can do is ride it out.
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Originally Posted by OKRunner
I'm sure someone has already suggested this but just in case not, it was very helpful to me. That is:
1. Make a list of all of the things that were wrong with him -- things you had a problem with in your relationship. For me, that was all the times he stood me up for dates so he could drink, all the times he blew me off so he could drink, all the times I was embarrassed because he blew me off, all the money he spent drinking, all the ridiculous texting fights when he couldn't reason, and on and on.
2. Now make a list of all the things about him that he actually did that made you super happy. Not things that he said he would do (but didn't do), and not things he could have done, but things he actually did that made you super happy.
Once I made my two lists (the first was huge, the second barely had anything on it because he was all words and no action), it all became clear to me.
1. Make a list of all of the things that were wrong with him -- things you had a problem with in your relationship. For me, that was all the times he stood me up for dates so he could drink, all the times he blew me off so he could drink, all the times I was embarrassed because he blew me off, all the money he spent drinking, all the ridiculous texting fights when he couldn't reason, and on and on.
2. Now make a list of all the things about him that he actually did that made you super happy. Not things that he said he would do (but didn't do), and not things he could have done, but things he actually did that made you super happy.
Once I made my two lists (the first was huge, the second barely had anything on it because he was all words and no action), it all became clear to me.
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I like the two list idea as well, I think that's really helpful.
What you are experiencing now does sound really normal to me. The anger does hang around for a while. I know that in this type of situation I could angry for a few weeks. I say embrace it, vent that in your thoughts of him and in your list of negatives. There is a reason you are angry.
Healing has it ups and downs, as you know and you are working through all this and doing better than you probably think. Having him call and sincerely apologize would be nice, it's not going to happen from what you've said about how he is behaving. You can probably imagine the "normal" him apologizing. Sounds to me like that guy is gone. What he has said to you so far sounds like any empathy he might have had, is gone?
What you are experiencing now does sound really normal to me. The anger does hang around for a while. I know that in this type of situation I could angry for a few weeks. I say embrace it, vent that in your thoughts of him and in your list of negatives. There is a reason you are angry.
Healing has it ups and downs, as you know and you are working through all this and doing better than you probably think. Having him call and sincerely apologize would be nice, it's not going to happen from what you've said about how he is behaving. You can probably imagine the "normal" him apologizing. Sounds to me like that guy is gone. What he has said to you so far sounds like any empathy he might have had, is gone?
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