LovelyKaya33333

Once again I am so grateful to all of you that replied to my previous post. You guys have no idea what this forum has meant to me in my healing journey. I have a couple tools in my tool box but this is high up there along with my therapist. I really love an appreciate you all for being so vulnerable with your journey and being on my journey with me as well. I have not engaged with my exAH since my last post and I can feel the anxiety lessen. I got back into my routine today...Saw my personal trainer today... Worked super hard at work... Made it to my meetings...Saw my god daughter....Saw my parents... Went to a long lunch in between meetings with a very dear girlfriend of mine and her 4 month year old... I was present 75% of the time... I learned a lot by reaching out... I learned that the stove will most likely always be hot. That every time I reach out / touch the stove I will get burned. There may be a case in the far future where he gets sober and wants to make amends but it will take so much time. I am not a Dr. but I know the amount that he consumed he will most likely need a medical detox if he ever wants to quit and a plan to stay sober if he ever even wants that for himself. It is not my journey anymore...It will be a very long road befoe he is ever ready to make admends or take ownership and that is only if he decides that he actually wants that.... We are no longer together and I need to accept that his brain will never get there if he is drinking. He had told me once that he has had 10 sober days in 8 years and that was 6 years ago.. so probably 20 days sober intermittenly in 14 years... I can only imagine where is brain and body are at. I need to grieve him like he has passed away because he is not the person I met... The continued drinking has in fact changed him and it is progressive. Thank you all again. It felt good to be present today again

sage1969

Kaya, thank you for sharing your journey, I'm learning so much from this forum. Congratulations on a good day! 75% presence is amazing!