I can do hard things
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
I can do hard things
Hi everyone. Something hit me today like a ton of bricks. It was like a internal voice that reminded me that I can do hard things.... I think growing up I tended to lean towards running away from things that hurt me. I even remember a bully in elementary school. I had my sister confront her for me. My sister is only 2 years older than me but I wanted to feel protected. While that is innocent enough at that age I think it carried on throughout my life. Somewhere along the lines I taught myself or was given the impression that I can't do hard things. That I can't confront people without feeling guilty that I will hurt their feelings. My feelings never came first. Standing up for myself was something I rarely did and I always wanted to take back right away when I did when I saw disappointment on someones face... as I grew older and the stakes seemed higher the more emotional and mental abuse I would take in order to not rock the boat. Rocking the boat and dealing with the aftermath of someone being mad at me was anxiety ridden for me. I am just starting to realize I can do hard things. I can have uncomfortable conversations if needed. I do have the tools in my toolbox for tough conversations... and I am ok with being able to agree to disagree with someone. I don't need to know if my exAH is mad at me for sticking up for myself. I don't need to know the impact that my sticking up for myself by going NC is doing to him. I don't need to feel anxious sending my divorce papers tomorrow. I can so do this. Will it feel fun always...No.... will I cry...probably....will I be angry....yes... but all those leave my system eventually. Just such a mantra for this week. Yes things may feel hard right now...but I can get through hard things.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Yes you certainly can and now you have proven that to yourself.
I understand not wanting to be confrontational, I have been that way sometimes in my life, never really did me much good lol. As long as we can stick up for ourselves, it's ok.
As is said around here, say what you mean, just don't say it mean.
I also think the knowledge that you can't really affect how someone will react to you is so important. People will think what they will think, all you can do is stay true to who you are (I know that sounds cliche' - but it's true!).
You are doing so well Kaya, coming to grips with all of this in such a short time. Still healing to do, but you will get through it.
I understand not wanting to be confrontational, I have been that way sometimes in my life, never really did me much good lol. As long as we can stick up for ourselves, it's ok.
As is said around here, say what you mean, just don't say it mean.
I also think the knowledge that you can't really affect how someone will react to you is so important. People will think what they will think, all you can do is stay true to who you are (I know that sounds cliche' - but it's true!).
You are doing so well Kaya, coming to grips with all of this in such a short time. Still healing to do, but you will get through it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Kaya, you are stronger than you realize. What you're dealing with now is hard. It may even be the hardest thing you'll ever do. But not only can you do it, you can come out the other side stronger than you ever imagined. I used to have a lot of fear. Especially of emotional pain and/or confrontation. But after going thru a divorce and living alone for a long time, I realize that I'm tougher than I ever thought I was. I believe in time, you'll find the same for yourself. Keep going. You can do this.
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