Just needing to hear it will be ok

Old 07-17-2021, 09:05 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
edoering----are you speaking of counterdependency as being the same thing as antidependence? If so--I think it is an interesting theory---one that might be very fruitful for discussion on this forum. A kind of "fear of intimacy?"
OMG---I think that this patttern is very common--and, not just in addiction circles.
OMG....I think I grew up in a place where the whole darn community had it!!

Is the afticle in the following link what you are talking about?
That article was really interesting dandylion, thanks for posting that.

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Old 07-17-2021, 11:51 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I just skimmed that article, but yes it looks like the same thing! The idea that, by having internalized the idea that you can’t count on others (or trust others) to be there for you at a young age, you begin to try to never need or rely on others to keep yourself safe.

And YES it’s a big issue in my family (and I think so many others!). So glad to bar you relate to it dandylion! I realized I was never treated poorly as a child, but rather “inherited” some of my unhealthy dependency patterns from my parents who had more complicated childhoods. Self-sufficient to a fault, haha. Sometimes, my mother wanted so badly to never need or want help from anyone, she wouldn’t even admit to herself when she needed or wanted something.
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Old 07-18-2021, 07:40 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Oh My, Yes! I sooo relate to how you describe those dynamics of your family. I was born very deep in the mountains of West Virginia. Those families that lived in those mountains were almost all descendants of the original settlers (after the indigenous people, of course). One of the cultural values of those settlers---who were primarily Scott/Irish/Germanic---was a fierce sense of independence and self sufficiency. Of course, the life then, was very tough---so these qualities were needed to a great extent in order for basic survival. The weak or passive or overly dependent could not have made it.
What I observed and experienced in my childhood, along with fierce independence was Stubbornness---a lot of unyielding stubbornness. In fact, I have often said that most of my relatives died of "terminal stubborness". Lol.
I do want to say that there were other great and wonderful cultural values that did exist, also.

I realize that I may be getting off the main subject, a bit---but I couldn't resist how much I relate to this specific aspect.
I do think that the lack of trust in order to reach out for help when it is needed is an issue that can contribute to the feeling "stuck" for lots of people to come to this forum.
Fear of being vulnerable and trust of the world outside of themselves.

Interesting topic,I think.
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