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Hi my husband is an alcoholic we have been married 13 years we have 3 beautiful children I just don’t know what to do I want to do what’s best for my kids and some say that is leaving but I actually did that once and saw lawyers went to court filed for divorce the whole 9 but when the kids had to be with him without me around they where in a worse place I could not shield them from his drinking and the courts make it clear unless he beats us they don’t care about his alcohol abuse so I stay for them but worry the damage that is causing them mentally he dose not hurt us physically but he is very mean mentally to me when drunk amd way meaner to the kids they know when he is drunk idk what the best thing to do for them is I would do anything for there happiness

Hi and welcome feelhopless.
This is a place of great support and understanding.

I know you'll find help here :)

D

Hi Feelhopeless, I'm so sorry you are in this situation, I know it's very painful.

Well, you tried to do what is best for all and unfortunately that didn't work on your first try.

I'm thinking it might be a good idea to contact a lawyer that specializes in addictions. I just googled - divorce lawyers specializing in addiction - and found a few in my city, hopefully you will locate some too.

The reason I suggest this is that while the court may not care if he cares for your children drunk, there is a possibility that you could stipulate that he have a zero blood alcohol level when visiting with the children. I hope that perhaps you have documented some of his behaviour (or that he has been to detox a few times, maybe rehab etc etc), but regardless, it would absolutely be worth talking to a specialized lawyer, they will have all the facts.

There is a service called Soberlink, one of you would have to pay for the service (hopefully him, another thing to discuss with a lawyer).

Hi Feelhopeless, I’m sorry to hear you are in such a tough situation. I have been there. You feel trapped when all you want is to keep your kids safe. I like the suggestion of seeking out a lawyer who knows about addiction. I did not do that but I did find a counselor who specialized in addiction. She runs a treatment center and is a double qualifier so really knows both sides. She knows the local legal system and had me document my AH’s drinking through journaling and taking videos on my phone. There is no denying a video of your drunk or passed out husband with your children in the background. Who knows if the court with respond, it’s worth a try. To feel like you have some control, start with those things. Do you have family nearby? Are you working? I have no family nearby so I started acting like I would eventually be divorced and focused on finding a new job and making an escape plan. I know it’s so hard, especially with little ones, you’re not alone. Keep posting.