sociopath/psychopath similar traits to an active alcoholic??
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sociopath/psychopath similar traits to an active alcoholic??
So I know I am writing a lot today but I just got done with work and I started to watch a documentary on psychopaths... While I don't think that my exAH is capable of violence I do think that the traits seem similiar. I know it sounds eerie but watching this interview with a psychopath who murdered 4 people the way he is talking about it like "Oh well, it is what it is" was the exact tone my exAH had every time he would do something within our marriage that was totally hurtful and to be honest nuts... Like he could look at me flat voiced with no emotional and just say Yes, it is over. This is how it has to be. So detached... so bizarre. This was one of the most hurtful parts of things for me but after watching this documentary it is fascinating. Now I am not saying leaving your wife in one day is near as bad a murder but just the complete lack of empathy... it is kind of creepy to be honest watching it... Anyone else?
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Narcissism and sociopathy have been discussed on and off here, not really psychopathy as that is very extreme. Are some traits similar to all 3 in someone in advanced alcoholism? The answer is mostly yes.
For narcissism, that's on a scale. We all have narcissistic qualities, a small amount is ok, when you start moving too far up that scale, well that's when things get out of balance.
I think many times an alcoholic can display hugely narcissistic qualities, addiction is a self centered pursuit.
It is impossible to know without a psychiatrist diagnosing someone, however, if you identify traits in your ex that fit some of the patterns of these disorders, well you can breath a sigh of relief that he is now far away.
For narcissism, that's on a scale. We all have narcissistic qualities, a small amount is ok, when you start moving too far up that scale, well that's when things get out of balance.
I think many times an alcoholic can display hugely narcissistic qualities, addiction is a self centered pursuit.
It is impossible to know without a psychiatrist diagnosing someone, however, if you identify traits in your ex that fit some of the patterns of these disorders, well you can breath a sigh of relief that he is now far away.
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I think while some narcissists and psychopaths might be alcoholics...not all alcoholics are narcissists and psychopaths, even the active ones.
I did some stuff I'm ashamed of when I was drinking, but I felt shame and empathy then too.
I agree with trailmix that if your ex exhibited those qualities it's good he's no longer around you.
I did some stuff I'm ashamed of when I was drinking, but I felt shame and empathy then too.
I agree with trailmix that if your ex exhibited those qualities it's good he's no longer around you.
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Addiction and Its Mechanisms of Defense
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"The worldview that is created by the addictive process is one that is compatible with and friendly to the interests of the addiction. Worldviews that are inconsistent with the continuation of the addiction are suppressed or eliminated. The process is usually a slow and subtle one progressing invisibly over many years "behind the back" of the unsuspecting addict.
What kind of a world view is compatible with addiction? Almost any philosophy that does not include and will not permit happiness, healthy and balanced behavior, sustaining relationships, rigorous honesty with and about oneself, and some kind of spiritual connection(even though it may not be called that). Addiction thrives best in an atmosphere of unhappiness, resentment, alienation and estrangement, secrecy, mistrust and in most cases, ultimate despair of meaning. And it cannot continue for long in the opposite atmosphere, i.e. one of happiness, emotional well-being, healthy relationships and genuine honesty. Serious addiction, therefore, necessarily points in the direction of an unhappy and dissatisfied world view, and away from the opposite, happier and healthier perspective. A happy addict is a contradiction in terms".
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"The worldview that is created by the addictive process is one that is compatible with and friendly to the interests of the addiction. Worldviews that are inconsistent with the continuation of the addiction are suppressed or eliminated. The process is usually a slow and subtle one progressing invisibly over many years "behind the back" of the unsuspecting addict.
What kind of a world view is compatible with addiction? Almost any philosophy that does not include and will not permit happiness, healthy and balanced behavior, sustaining relationships, rigorous honesty with and about oneself, and some kind of spiritual connection(even though it may not be called that). Addiction thrives best in an atmosphere of unhappiness, resentment, alienation and estrangement, secrecy, mistrust and in most cases, ultimate despair of meaning. And it cannot continue for long in the opposite atmosphere, i.e. one of happiness, emotional well-being, healthy relationships and genuine honesty. Serious addiction, therefore, necessarily points in the direction of an unhappy and dissatisfied world view, and away from the opposite, happier and healthier perspective. A happy addict is a contradiction in terms".
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I think your ex sounds like he's got some sociopathic qualities, but I don't know if that's caused by alcoholism or vice versa. That said, in a general sense I think alcoholism is a very selfish disease. People are so caught up in defending and perpetuating their addiction while they're in it that they feel betrayed and alienated by everyone around them. At least that's how it seemed with my AH. I think he certainly has other megalomania health issues in his case specifically, but he definitely exhibited more selfish and purposefully hurtful behavior while drunk or defending his actions.
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Your soon-to-be ex reminds me of a couple I know. Ted and Alice had been married for about twenty years when I got an email from Alice. It began, "Ted has decided he no longer wishes to be married." Talking with Alice some months later, she said when he had first expressed this wish, she suggested counseling. They went to one or two counseling sessions, but Ted refused to do any of the exercises suggested. When she asked why, he told her he had already decided to divorce. He agreed to the counseling in the hope she could accept it better.
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Originally Posted by velma929 
Your soon-to-be ex reminds me of a couple I know. Ted and Alice had been married for about twenty years when I got an email from Alice. It began, "Ted has decided he no longer wishes to be married." Talking with Alice some months later, she said when he had first expressed this wish, she suggested counseling. They went to one or two counseling sessions, but Ted refused to do any of the exercises suggested. When she asked why, he told her he had already decided to divorce. He agreed to the counseling in the hope she could accept it better.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Narcissism and sociopathy have been discussed on and off here, not really psychopathy as that is very extreme. Are some traits similar to all 3 in someone in advanced alcoholism? The answer is mostly yes.
For narcissism, that's on a scale. We all have narcissistic qualities, a small amount is ok, when you start moving too far up that scale, well that's when things get out of balance.
I think many times an alcoholic can display hugely narcissistic qualities, addiction is a self centered pursuit.
It is impossible to know without a psychiatrist diagnosing someone, however, if you identify traits in your ex that fit some of the patterns of these disorders, well you can breath a sigh of relief that he is now far away.
For narcissism, that's on a scale. We all have narcissistic qualities, a small amount is ok, when you start moving too far up that scale, well that's when things get out of balance.
I think many times an alcoholic can display hugely narcissistic qualities, addiction is a self centered pursuit.
It is impossible to know without a psychiatrist diagnosing someone, however, if you identify traits in your ex that fit some of the patterns of these disorders, well you can breath a sigh of relief that he is now far away.
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When I was posting on SR about my story, in one of my threads it was suggested to me by Anvil Head that she (my addict) may fit most if not all of the traits of a female sociopath. AH had posted all of the traits for me to review. Well AH as normal was correct. From there, I did some intense reading about sociopaths on other forums dedicated to the subject. Real horror stories many similar and some worse than mine. The label of sociopath fit her to a tee.
If your AH is a sociopath or psychopath you are extremely fortunate at this point regardless of how much this all hurts now to be far away from him. It would be a wise choice to stay away from him - far away!
If your AH is a sociopath or psychopath you are extremely fortunate at this point regardless of how much this all hurts now to be far away from him. It would be a wise choice to stay away from him - far away!
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