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sage
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Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
We didn't talk til Monday night. He was sober and it was so so nice to talk him. And we talked about many things but not about what had happened. I'm honestly still not certain how to talk about it.
I have done a lot of reading. Many of the stickies and old posts, many of the articles in the library section. I'm so overwhelmed with juggling my everyday life already. It was so much easier when I was feeling numb, but now if I stop to take a breath I'm back in the weeds.
He'd told me we'd talk last night, and of course he was nowhere to be found. Yes, I can see this going on in perpetuity. If he forgets to call, I'm letting it go. If he actually remembers to call, I'll have to just ask him point blank. This is so hard to do.
I have done a lot of reading. Many of the stickies and old posts, many of the articles in the library section. I'm so overwhelmed with juggling my everyday life already. It was so much easier when I was feeling numb, but now if I stop to take a breath I'm back in the weeds.
He'd told me we'd talk last night, and of course he was nowhere to be found. Yes, I can see this going on in perpetuity. If he forgets to call, I'm letting it go. If he actually remembers to call, I'll have to just ask him point blank. This is so hard to do.
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Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 143
Dandylion, your posts are always so helpful to me. You said about a week ago, but I'm just seeing it now, that we should go with the unadulterated truth about our feelings and fears and our own boundaries. Basically, just cut to the chase when talking to our Qs. You then said he is going to react how he is going to react.
For a long time I didn't speak honestly with my AXBF because I knew if I told him the truth (i.e., that his drinking scared me, that I wanted more) that he would choose alcohol over me. And I was too afraid to hear that. To know that. So I controlled not having to hear that by never asking him anything that would require him to say that. And then finally one day I got brave. I did gently confront him. (Confront is not the right word. It was just me saying, "Look, I love you. It makes me sad when you drink instead of keeping your plans with me, and I don't want to take second place behind alcohol anymore."). As we all know, he couldn't put down the bottle. So I knew where I stood. I didn't get the answer I wanted, but I did survive. I'm still standing. And some days are even good. It was both horrible and also showed me that I can survive even if I can't control or win in a situation. He was going to react how he was going to react, Me not asking him wasn't going to result in him putting down the bottle, either. So you might as well be true to your heart.
For a long time I didn't speak honestly with my AXBF because I knew if I told him the truth (i.e., that his drinking scared me, that I wanted more) that he would choose alcohol over me. And I was too afraid to hear that. To know that. So I controlled not having to hear that by never asking him anything that would require him to say that. And then finally one day I got brave. I did gently confront him. (Confront is not the right word. It was just me saying, "Look, I love you. It makes me sad when you drink instead of keeping your plans with me, and I don't want to take second place behind alcohol anymore."). As we all know, he couldn't put down the bottle. So I knew where I stood. I didn't get the answer I wanted, but I did survive. I'm still standing. And some days are even good. It was both horrible and also showed me that I can survive even if I can't control or win in a situation. He was going to react how he was going to react, Me not asking him wasn't going to result in him putting down the bottle, either. So you might as well be true to your heart.
sage
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by OKRunner 
I did gently confront him. (Confront is not the right word. It was just me saying, "Look, I love you. It makes me sad when you drink instead of keeping your plans with me, and I don't want to take second place behind alcohol anymore."). As we all know, he couldn't put down the bottle. So I knew where I stood. I didn't get the answer I wanted, but I did survive. I'm still standing. And some days are even good. It was both horrible and also showed me that I can survive even if I can't control or win in a situation. He was going to react how he was going to react, Me not asking him wasn't going to result in him putting down the bottle, either. So you might as well be true to your heart.
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