So I notice my pattern....
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Join Date: May 2021
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So I notice my pattern....
The way anxiety can consume me in a flash, seemingly out of nowhere, I notice this is where I get lost. Where doubt comes in to my mind. The whole maybe it’s me. Maybe I exaggerate. Maybe I over react. And so on.
per my therapists advice, in order to get a reality check, she told me to look at his phone I have. All the text messages on there to his “friends” where he brags of conquests with other women and so much undesirable behavior that it’s overwhelming, in his own words, to ground me. This is reality. This is the real him. It helps. It grounds me. It reminds me.
then, I never exactly searched the whole thing. His texts go back far too long and there’s far too many! I’ve not got the energy.
However, because we have court next week, I was gathering evidence for my attorney. I would search a word so all texts would show that contained the searched word. This would bring up so much I hadn’t seen. So much I couldn’t expect or dream or make up. Overwhelming. Unreal. Going back to 2016 March of 2021 when he replaced this phone. Not that he has this phone I have for that long. The man can’t keep a phone past 6 months to save his life but it would restore from his iCloud I guess. And he doesn’t delete much it appears. Good for me, dumb for him.
with that said, it’s traumatic. And if it weren’t for my own good, I’d not look. Who knew I’d find so much I couldn’t make up or dream. That it’s worse than I could guess. It’s sick really. All Of it.
someone here told me with someone like him you can’t play fair. Because he’s so dirty. That’s so true but I never realized the depths of it.
now I realize what a war this will be from him. Luckily I see texts between he and his business partner and with those, he shouldn’t want to step foot in a court room at all. He’s so arrogant though. Mark my words, he will. He believes his word is enough in spite of Rock solid evidence. Plus, money and power is of most importance to him.
As much as I’ve told already regarding how sick he is, it’s that much worse. And one thing I know is, as much as I do know, there has to be even more I don’t. Nothing was real. It’s too much to even explain or put into words. Sounds made up. Like a bad lifetime movie. Seriously.
here’s one I won’t soon forget though and it’s so small but it mattered more to me than all the things I’m talking about above. I can’t even pinpoint those things it’s so much, my brain cannot process right now. It literally shut down. So this right here stands out when it’s nothing in comparison.
he’s bragging to his friends in a group chat that “Macy is pissed about last night boys”. They laugh. They chime in one by one about all the strippers he had all over him the previous night. How he gave one 2 grand. Asked if he got his money’s worth. He said he always does. They make more gross jokes. Ah said “and that b wouldn’t give me a ride to my car” that was at strip club. He said “she’s too busy crying. Let me go turn it around on her boys. I’ll make her feel worse and be back. Then let’s figure out our plans for today. I’m good for another ten grand round at the strip club whose in”. They all applaud him and tell him to “deepen those hooks” and “make her sorry she dared to be upset with you” on and on. He returned and said “done.... she’s afraid I’m going to leave her now. I’m good for all day and night now”
um......
really? He even knows he does the turn around. He thinks it’s cute. Meanwhile I was always so confused and hurt and couldn’t understand why he’d how he did anytime I said “that’s unacceptable.” He knew he did wrong. And he knew he just had to turn it on me. Make me feel bad. For nothing.
Im so embarrassed. Humiliated. These people are sick. It’s scary. Idk what’s worse, living this and not knowing. Or knowing these kind of people exist. I could have lived my life not knowing.
per my therapists advice, in order to get a reality check, she told me to look at his phone I have. All the text messages on there to his “friends” where he brags of conquests with other women and so much undesirable behavior that it’s overwhelming, in his own words, to ground me. This is reality. This is the real him. It helps. It grounds me. It reminds me.
then, I never exactly searched the whole thing. His texts go back far too long and there’s far too many! I’ve not got the energy.
However, because we have court next week, I was gathering evidence for my attorney. I would search a word so all texts would show that contained the searched word. This would bring up so much I hadn’t seen. So much I couldn’t expect or dream or make up. Overwhelming. Unreal. Going back to 2016 March of 2021 when he replaced this phone. Not that he has this phone I have for that long. The man can’t keep a phone past 6 months to save his life but it would restore from his iCloud I guess. And he doesn’t delete much it appears. Good for me, dumb for him.
with that said, it’s traumatic. And if it weren’t for my own good, I’d not look. Who knew I’d find so much I couldn’t make up or dream. That it’s worse than I could guess. It’s sick really. All Of it.
someone here told me with someone like him you can’t play fair. Because he’s so dirty. That’s so true but I never realized the depths of it.
now I realize what a war this will be from him. Luckily I see texts between he and his business partner and with those, he shouldn’t want to step foot in a court room at all. He’s so arrogant though. Mark my words, he will. He believes his word is enough in spite of Rock solid evidence. Plus, money and power is of most importance to him.
As much as I’ve told already regarding how sick he is, it’s that much worse. And one thing I know is, as much as I do know, there has to be even more I don’t. Nothing was real. It’s too much to even explain or put into words. Sounds made up. Like a bad lifetime movie. Seriously.
here’s one I won’t soon forget though and it’s so small but it mattered more to me than all the things I’m talking about above. I can’t even pinpoint those things it’s so much, my brain cannot process right now. It literally shut down. So this right here stands out when it’s nothing in comparison.
he’s bragging to his friends in a group chat that “Macy is pissed about last night boys”. They laugh. They chime in one by one about all the strippers he had all over him the previous night. How he gave one 2 grand. Asked if he got his money’s worth. He said he always does. They make more gross jokes. Ah said “and that b wouldn’t give me a ride to my car” that was at strip club. He said “she’s too busy crying. Let me go turn it around on her boys. I’ll make her feel worse and be back. Then let’s figure out our plans for today. I’m good for another ten grand round at the strip club whose in”. They all applaud him and tell him to “deepen those hooks” and “make her sorry she dared to be upset with you” on and on. He returned and said “done.... she’s afraid I’m going to leave her now. I’m good for all day and night now”
um......
really? He even knows he does the turn around. He thinks it’s cute. Meanwhile I was always so confused and hurt and couldn’t understand why he’d how he did anytime I said “that’s unacceptable.” He knew he did wrong. And he knew he just had to turn it on me. Make me feel bad. For nothing.
Im so embarrassed. Humiliated. These people are sick. It’s scary. Idk what’s worse, living this and not knowing. Or knowing these kind of people exist. I could have lived my life not knowing.
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Join Date: May 2021
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So much flashes through my head reading that. Flip it on her? Oh god she’s crying? While bragging about the night before at the same exact time. Let me go flip it on her and make her feel bad? That’s funny to these people? And him, he knows exactly what he’s doing.
my favorite quote comes to mind. And I never knew why I was drawn to this quote. Or maybe I did but I don’t quite know how to do it. It’s like a goal maybe. A vision I couldn’t reach. I still can’t because I’m traumatized by it all. Anyway the quote is “she realized none of it was real. So she set herself free.”
that’s my vision. It’s in the distance. I need a map to get there. Only I’m not good at reading maps.
I wake up and gasp for air in my sleep. This stuff plays through my mind in my sleep!
even his sister, who I liked and swore was a good person, I see two years ago when I left him, she helped him hide money. And more.
whose who? I doubt anyone knows the whole picture. Everyone is a tool and only knows a small piece having no idea of all the other pieces. It’s all so sick.
lie after lie after lie after lie. The abuse. The alcohol. The drugs. The lies. And more lies. And more lies. And more lies. Did I mention the lies?
he’s most dangerous when he’s nice. Then my guard is down.
even the nice is a lie.
who is he? What is he?
He’s so confident with his lies and rewritten realities. He speaks it as if his words are real. His version of everything as if it’s how it is. Every name he calls me, as if it’s fact. Every claim he makes as if it makes sense.
and here I struggle with reality. Because it’s unreal.
Flip it on her.
those four words hold such a punch to me. I can’t even explain why
my favorite quote comes to mind. And I never knew why I was drawn to this quote. Or maybe I did but I don’t quite know how to do it. It’s like a goal maybe. A vision I couldn’t reach. I still can’t because I’m traumatized by it all. Anyway the quote is “she realized none of it was real. So she set herself free.”
that’s my vision. It’s in the distance. I need a map to get there. Only I’m not good at reading maps.
I wake up and gasp for air in my sleep. This stuff plays through my mind in my sleep!
even his sister, who I liked and swore was a good person, I see two years ago when I left him, she helped him hide money. And more.
whose who? I doubt anyone knows the whole picture. Everyone is a tool and only knows a small piece having no idea of all the other pieces. It’s all so sick.
lie after lie after lie after lie. The abuse. The alcohol. The drugs. The lies. And more lies. And more lies. And more lies. Did I mention the lies?
he’s most dangerous when he’s nice. Then my guard is down.
even the nice is a lie.
who is he? What is he?
He’s so confident with his lies and rewritten realities. He speaks it as if his words are real. His version of everything as if it’s how it is. Every name he calls me, as if it’s fact. Every claim he makes as if it makes sense.
and here I struggle with reality. Because it’s unreal.
Flip it on her.
those four words hold such a punch to me. I can’t even explain why
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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I was watching someone interview Stephen Fry one night about a book he had written about the holocaust. He interviewed or read a recount from a (Jewish) woman who was a talented musician. One of the officers would have her come and play (she was in a camp), maybe it was the violin, can't remember, anyway, he or the interviewer asked her, so did you receive any special accommodation for performances or any slackening of rules, was he respectful of your etc. She said no, you don't understand, they didn't see us as human, not as people.
What dandylion just wrote reminded me of that.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, he sounds like a sociopath.
What dandylion just wrote reminded me of that.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, he sounds like a sociopath.
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Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 122
That’s it! That’s what it all does. Summed up in those words. Every action, hiding money and assets, cheating, lying, abuse. Flip it on her.
eewwwwwwwwww.
dirty. W-h-*-r-e. Nasty. Liar. Evil. Bipolar. Nasty. Disgusting. Stupid. Dumb. And so many others. All names he calls me regularly. Consistently.
freely. Without regret or remorse. He’s talking about himself.
eewwwwwwwwww.
dirty. W-h-*-r-e. Nasty. Liar. Evil. Bipolar. Nasty. Disgusting. Stupid. Dumb. And so many others. All names he calls me regularly. Consistently.
freely. Without regret or remorse. He’s talking about himself.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Macy.....with that kind of verbal abuse, no wonder that it has had an effect on you. It is designed to cut your self esteem down to nothing.
You have actually come a long way, just since you have started posting on this forum, I think.
You have actually come a long way, just since you have started posting on this forum, I think.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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https://youtu.be/vNnFqD2vwxg
Dear Macy
I would like you to look at the short video I posted above. It is a scene from the movie "Giant." The young girl at the door has been dating the character portrayed by James Dean (his last acting role). She discovers that Dean was really in love with her mother, not her. Obviously, he is quite drunk.
I am so sorry for your pain, and SO proud of you at the same time.
You have discovered the truth about this man. You are no longer hooked into his sick little world.
Believe it or not, his comments to his friends are nothing personal about you. They are telling you all about themselves.
Dear Macy
I would like you to look at the short video I posted above. It is a scene from the movie "Giant." The young girl at the door has been dating the character portrayed by James Dean (his last acting role). She discovers that Dean was really in love with her mother, not her. Obviously, he is quite drunk.
I am so sorry for your pain, and SO proud of you at the same time.
You have discovered the truth about this man. You are no longer hooked into his sick little world.
Believe it or not, his comments to his friends are nothing personal about you. They are telling you all about themselves.
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Big hugs, Macy. Just remember…you were a child when you first met this man. You were fifteen. What fifteen-year-old has the life experience and perspective to identify a budding sociopath?
Because that’s what he is. Who else gets pleasure out of hurting and degrading someone he supposedly loves…and brags about it on top of it? There are truly evil people in this world and since our culture worships wealth over everything it’s the perfect breeding ground for them. And they can be ever so charming…it’s a learned skill. It’s a cover. And it works.
There’s another point of leverage here, if it helps. I suspect that there are more than a few marriages that might not survive what’s on his phone and those divorces would be expensive. His craves validation from being the biggest creep in that ring of creeps…I don’t think he would want to risk your outing them to the world and potentially losing their hero worship.
Add in the evidence that could destroy his business? He’s a very stupid man to put all that on his phone. Arrogant to the point of idiocy.
Forgive yourself. There are mass murderers who get married in prison to people who they’ve charmed…even with all of the evidence right there. Sociopaths can tell you that up is down and the sky is red and make it believable.
But you’re awake now. Time to look forward to a new and improved life, designed specifically for you and what and whom you love and nothing else. The possibilities are endless!
Sending you lots of support and hugs.
Because that’s what he is. Who else gets pleasure out of hurting and degrading someone he supposedly loves…and brags about it on top of it? There are truly evil people in this world and since our culture worships wealth over everything it’s the perfect breeding ground for them. And they can be ever so charming…it’s a learned skill. It’s a cover. And it works.
There’s another point of leverage here, if it helps. I suspect that there are more than a few marriages that might not survive what’s on his phone and those divorces would be expensive. His craves validation from being the biggest creep in that ring of creeps…I don’t think he would want to risk your outing them to the world and potentially losing their hero worship.
Add in the evidence that could destroy his business? He’s a very stupid man to put all that on his phone. Arrogant to the point of idiocy.
Forgive yourself. There are mass murderers who get married in prison to people who they’ve charmed…even with all of the evidence right there. Sociopaths can tell you that up is down and the sky is red and make it believable.
But you’re awake now. Time to look forward to a new and improved life, designed specifically for you and what and whom you love and nothing else. The possibilities are endless!
Sending you lots of support and hugs.
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While your going through these preparations for court, I hope you have ongoing professional help in place for yourself. This will undoubtedly be a very rocky road.
If you speak to your attorney, they can have a computer forensic examiner digitally copy of all this info off this cell phone. They can easily do the key word searches and find all this information. Possibly spare yourself from having to read any more of this type of hurtful information.
Also when your husband discovers you have access to his text and other damaging cell phone information he will have that shut down & possibly wiped clean in a flash. Digital copies will preserve that important information for future use.
If you speak to your attorney, they can have a computer forensic examiner digitally copy of all this info off this cell phone. They can easily do the key word searches and find all this information. Possibly spare yourself from having to read any more of this type of hurtful information.
Also when your husband discovers you have access to his text and other damaging cell phone information he will have that shut down & possibly wiped clean in a flash. Digital copies will preserve that important information for future use.
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Join Date: May 2021
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You’re right ariesagain. That particular group chat. It’s a bunch of young guys he tries to impress. Age 25-30 range. Doubt the ones that are married have wives that would believe it. I’m sure ah has that covered. No doubt in my mind be suspects I have this phone.
I should make a power point presentation with it all though. 🤣
I should make a power point presentation with it all though. 🤣
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Macy, here’s a song for you. Katy Perry wrote this, I think, but I really like this version..
Wide Awake
Wide Awake
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Macy....another thought about your court preparations and proceedings....I hope you will consider getting a court advocate as a part of your support system. I know that you take great pride in being independent, but, there are times when it is really good to have a support person to carry a long with you. One more person who is "in your camp" who, also has your back. Human connections and support are a big factor in the healing process, I think. I think it is sooo important, and so underestimated, in my humble opinion.
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
Macy....another thought about your court preparations and proceedings....I hope you will consider getting a court advocate as a part of your support system. I know that you take great pride in being independent, but, there are times when it is really good to have a support person to carry a long with you. One more person who is "in your camp" who, also has your back. Human connections and support are a big factor in the healing process, I think. I think it is sooo important, and so underestimated, in my humble opinion.
Question for anyone here: Is it legal for Macy to have that phone and would texts from it be admissible in court? I certainly hope so but don't know much about this stuff.
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States differ with respect to these laws. Also cell phone digital content is a relatively newer legal phenomena. Judges can order cell phone contents to be divulged. There needs to be a strong argument for cause.
I dont know if Macy is on his cell phone account. I dont know how she came in possession of his phone. Im thinking this may be a company cell phone. It could all make a difference whether or not this info could be used in court.
Macy has an attorney who should know the proper way to procced.
Bottom line if all this info is seen by her husband & his attorney as extremely potentially damaging, this will never get to court. Otherwise, it may become a complicated legal battle.
I dont know if Macy is on his cell phone account. I dont know how she came in possession of his phone. Im thinking this may be a company cell phone. It could all make a difference whether or not this info could be used in court.
Macy has an attorney who should know the proper way to procced.
Bottom line if all this info is seen by her husband & his attorney as extremely potentially damaging, this will never get to court. Otherwise, it may become a complicated legal battle.
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IIRC, Prince Charming lost it while drunk and Macy found it under the couch.
Divorce is a civil matter, not criminal and it depends on which state is involved. My understanding is that in many states it wouldn’t go to trial unless the parties were unable to come to terms regarding settlement and/or custody of the one minor child…I’m hoping Macy’s daughter at 17, is old enough not to have to be involved in any visitation agreement?
I’m not a lawyer, but if I were, I would think the threat of having that cell phone content “leaked” and/or turned over to the IRS or to the DEA would be every bit as valuable as going to trial, if not more.
Macy, I’m just glad your hearing this week is virtual and you don’t have to be in the same room with him. For once, Covid did a good thing!
Divorce is a civil matter, not criminal and it depends on which state is involved. My understanding is that in many states it wouldn’t go to trial unless the parties were unable to come to terms regarding settlement and/or custody of the one minor child…I’m hoping Macy’s daughter at 17, is old enough not to have to be involved in any visitation agreement?
I’m not a lawyer, but if I were, I would think the threat of having that cell phone content “leaked” and/or turned over to the IRS or to the DEA would be every bit as valuable as going to trial, if not more.
Macy, I’m just glad your hearing this week is virtual and you don’t have to be in the same room with him. For once, Covid did a good thing!
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Texts are admissible. They just have to be fine stamped with date, time and phone numbers. Since ah is involved, it’s not hearsay.
not sure they’ll all be useful at the hearing for emergency relief but a few will and some more will down the line.
im also so glad I won’t have to be in the same physical space as him. Ugh.
not sure they’ll all be useful at the hearing for emergency relief but a few will and some more will down the line.
im also so glad I won’t have to be in the same physical space as him. Ugh.
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What a disturbing story Macy. I am very sorry for your situation and trauma. I have not read your other posts, but I read enough, and I hope you are in a safe place. Obviously such people might try anything to stop the situation from unfolding further. Please keep yourself safe from that guy and his friends.
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