Bekindalways

The Vietnamese Monk, Tich Naght Hahn advised people to "enjoy NOT having a toothache.". I would think you could apply this to your AH; enjoy not having to be any where near him. I think of it as a type of inside out happiness.

Onward Macyc and let us know how you are doing.

dandylion

Bekindalways.....lol....lol. That is an old trick of mine. sometimes, when I am having a bad day or am down in the mouth---I think "what if I were having gallbladder colic, or passing a kidney stone, right now?" I feel a little better, then.

Berrybean

Oh jeez. I'm so so sorry for all this you're going through. Two names you might find useful to google on YouTube are Dr Ramani and Melanie Tonia Evans. They both have provided me with information that helped me get to and then stick to Grey Rock / no contact and start to restore some peace and find myself again this last year.

You have no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed for not suspecting this was what he was doing and capable of. Why would you?

His behaviour is a reflection of his own ugliness. It is not because of you. No doubt he would treat anyone the same and has done. Here in the UK we can get a Claire's law disclosure read to us if felt necessary. I did this about my ex. Turns out his behaviour was in repeat and had been for 30 years. His own mum told me as much too. Beggars believe doesn't it? How some people get off on treating people. Control. Manipulate. Abuse.

We both deserve better. And it'll come. Just keep doing the next right thing and stay safe. A day at a time.
Sending prayers.
Bb xx
Ps Audio books are great for getting through longer than average nights.