Macyc

Thanks you guys. The physical abuse and the threat of it, combined with the other threats, does make it more complicated. For a long time, I’ve had to be in tune to his mood so to speak, my safety depended on it.

with that said. Since I’m not there currently, I find that habit still in tact. It’s difficult to not reach out and fakes all I have to not do so at certain moments. So I tell myself “stop it brain, all is well right now, he isn’t here.” Doesn’t work immediately but it reminds me to stay silent.

I don’t think I can go back home. I know any time I’ve left and returned, he’s worse than the time before. I can’t imagine doing that.

for now, I’ll just do my best and work on the rest when I can and as it comes. Angry moments help also.

his voice in my head is bad enough, I don’t need to hear it up close or live.

rest assured, he’s angry. He’s also living life business as usual. That man doesn’t act upset at all. None of his actions speak of a man whose worried about his wife, marriage or family. Only to my face does he play that card, in a scary way. This is how it’s always been. I try to remind myself of that also and enjoy my day the same way I know he is.

he’s just.......... an awful person.

dandylion

Macy.....now would be the perfect time to contact the dv workers and begin a dialogue with them. They will understand what you are dealing with, and, all of it will be confidential. It helps to have such people---that you can call at any time---and, they have heard everything! Their sole purpose to help in any way that they can. They can also help with keeping you safe. They have lots of resources at their fingertips.

You don't have to go back.

Macyc

Thanks dandylion, I’ll do that. I finally checked my email. He sent 5. Two nice and three were not. Like a maniac trying to find a button to push that’ll work. His last one, he sent last night said “if you don’t come home by tomorrow, don’t effing bother, I’m sick of this effing blah blah blah blah.”

well, today would be tomorrow. 🤣

idiot. Like he could tell me to not come home. As if he could legally do that anymore than I could. He really believes he can.

fortunately. He will get his wish. Of course, I’m sure he may take it back again, who knows. It’s always one extreme or the other with him and it changes on a dime.

either way, who cares. Wooooooohoooooooo

Macyc

I won’t reply but if I could, let me get it out here.... I’d say “awe look at him..... you mad ah? All those four letter words did they help your fake anger look all scary? Oh and I took you up on the don’t bother ........ thanks.”

🤣🤣🤣

dandylion

Yeah, don't answer him. After all they are just made up words from a distorted mind.
Keep your own eye on the Prize---which is to get yourself to a place where you can lead a normal mind.
Let those dv people help keep you safe.

trailmix

I like your reply! I'm glad you posted it. 3 mean, 2 nice, over a very few days. I think that sums it up in a nutshell. I am so very glad that you just left when you did and decided to go and think and get clarity Macy. You are moving forward to so much better!

dandylion

OOops! Macy, excuse me----I meant to type "lead a normal life".....but, I typed "lead a normal mind", instead!!! I need to proofread better.