Flipflips

I’m new here, was looking for resources and support for myself and found this forum.

My husband has been a heavy drinker for years, the past several years have gotten very bad. This is his 2nd time in rehab, first in 2019 with only a few months clean post discharge. I’m scared, exhausted, lonely...it’s been 8 days and I was able to speak to him today for the first time. He sounds good, hopeful. I keep reminding myself of the shell of a human being he was when he left, the lying, hiding booze, sleeping all the time, falling down, not helping with anything at home... I could go on.

I know he’s where he needs to be but this is tough.

Eauchiche

Welcome. We are here to support you.
I wish your husband the very best in his recovery. The fact he is in rehab, is very positive.

trailmix

Hi Flipflips, yes, it is a good first step.

What made him decide to go to rehab this time, was he just fed up with drinking?

I think it's good to have hope that things will improve, some very cautious optimism, but it will take time, even if he does manage to stop drinking, there is a lot of healing that will need to happen. I hope he has lined up support for when he leaves rehab? When is that?

How about you, how have you coped, do you have any outside support. I'm glad you found us, have you tried Al Anon or therapy for yourself at all?

Flipflips

Thanks for the reply. He was sick of feeling sick all the time. When I say a shell of a human, that perfectly described him. I can’t imagine how he felt Inside. The first time he ended up in the hospital after going through DTs, including hallucinations, at home and treatment was set up for him. He hated it. This place seems much better and we researched versus punting in a crisis.

We’re not sure on discharge but his therapist said a typical stay is 30-45 with their facility, longer if needed. We haven’t discussed an after care plan for him yet. The problem with me is I’m a therapist myself. Which makes finding someone for me (and him really) hard. This field is intertwined and I know a lot of people. Looking for options out of town so I’m more comfortable in talking to someone.

dandylion

Would you like some recommendations for some initial readings and locations of the best collections of articles on alcoholism and it's effects on the loved ones, on this forum? If so, say the word and I will list some for you.

Flipflips

I would love that, thank you.

dandylion

flipflip.....here is a start.

1. Read "Co-dependent No More". It is an esy read and I believe that a lot of it will resonate with you/. You can get it on amazon.com in the book section or through the library.
2. Go to the "Stickies" section---just above the regular threads. Look for what is called Classjc Readings. There are over 100 of the best collection of articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones that you will every find anywhere. I am giving you the following link to Classic Reading, for your convenience.


Classic Reading - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (Classic Reading)

3. Go to the last forum on Soberrecovery---the last one, at the very bottom of the page. It is called "The Best of Soberrecovery". That title says it all. You will find the cream of the crop material there.

Flipflips

I will check those out for sure, thanks so much.

PeacefulWater12

Welcome, Flip Flips

I encourage you to take this time to rest and recover yourself as much as you can. As a therapist yourself you will appreciate how important your self care is. Keep the focus on you and your well being.

comewhatmay

Hello and welcome to the forum. Firstly, hats off to your husband for recognizing a problem and seeking treatment. Its a great first step that he has chosen to go to rehab. Best wishes to him for his recovery.

enaiddes

Hi Flipflops - I’m new here too. I hope you’ll find a lot of help in reading these posts and threads. There’s bound to be some that are relevant for you and your situation.

I was in a marriage with an alcholic who also was physically abusive. Abuse comes in many forms though and I personally think that in your case lying is a form of abuse.

I had no computer back then but I went to a domestic abuse therapist and attended abuse support groups as well and finally after a year or so I became ready to leave this individual and strike out on my own. He stalked me and made nasty phone calls to me for almost a year but in the end I was finally free of him.

I wish you every success in building a life for yourself independent of your partner if you choose to stay with him because that will save you in so many ways from the exhaustion and emotional debilitation you’re suffering.

Sueby

I'm happy to hear he is seeking help! But I do remember the first week or so of AH being in rehab that my emotions were out of whack and all over the place. I did attend a session with other family/spouses the 2nd week of his program, and they all said they felt the same way. Guilt was a big emotion for me, like I forced him to go (I obviously couldn't lol) and I felt bad he had to be there. That meeting sure made me feel better with regards to guilt, and a lot of other emotions I couldn't put a name too.

Good luck and take care of yourself! Do something fun while he's not around, something you've always wanted to do and kept putting off. Mine was get my motorcycle license. I wanted to go on a balloon ride, but they were put on hold due to COVID restrictions.