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Feel like I'm trapped

Old 05-04-2021, 05:58 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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FML, I have asked the mods to remove my post. I apologize if anything I posted made things worse.
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Old 05-04-2021, 06:11 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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No need. You haven't made anything worse. Honestly, your perspective has been really helpful.
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Old 05-04-2021, 11:08 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Yes you know, you might be better off finding a therapist for yourself, to help you. You are the one getting hurt in a situation you can't control. Preferably a therapist with a lot of experience with alcoholism/addictions, if you decide to take that route.

I'm not all that familiar with Al Anon, however, yes, they do say the alcoholic is a victim (as well as you) and I mostly agree really. No one asks to become addicted to a drug, no one wants that lifestyle (well very few probably) but there it is.

There is also detaching with love and not enabling. Why do you clean up after your wife? Why did you throw away her purse? You clean up what she has done, how can she see it.

What are the consequences of her actions? It's best to never do something for an alcoholic (or probably anyone really) that they can do for themselves. By always being there to pick up behind her, she never has to face what she is doing. That's not good for her. Enabling her alcoholism/behaviour is acceptance and makes the path she is on that much easier. I'm not saying you need to "punish" her, not at all, but it really is best (for you and for her) to let her deal with her side of the street.

I'm not sure if you are familiar with boundaries but I would recommend a book, Co-dependent no more, by Melody Beattie, it is by far the most recommended book here. Please know I'm not saying you are co-dependent, I know that has negative connotations (even the author doesn't like the word) but it's a short, concise read and discusses boundaries in relationships etc. I think you might find it really interesting. You can probable get it second hand online or from your library.


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