Westgirl

The echo of heavy footsteps as you rush once again to the bathroom. The sounds of wretching and sadness as you ponder one more swig to make it stop. The man I love gets further and further from my line of vision, like driving away from someone on a hot summer's day. Eventually you can barely see them through the fuzzy, liquid-like heat.But the sun isn't shining at 5 am this Tuesday morning, only the sheen of the sweat on your forehead as you slowly crawl back into bed.

dandylion

Westgirl.......I am familiar with the hellish signs and sounds that you describe. It sounds. to me, like he is progressed far enough in his addiction that he won't be able to put the bottle down without help. Cold turkey is probably out of the question, at this point, without risking very dangerous withdrawl---possibly DTs, and indescribable physical and mental discomfort.
As a person who has detoxed hundreds of alcoholics, myself, I suspect that he is in need of Medically Supervised detox, at this point. (followed by treatment, of course).
I wonder is you have ever approached him about this idea?
I read your previous threads, and I notice that you have been working on the concept of "loving detachment" for a few years, now.
As the alcoholism progresses unchecked, "loving detachment" becomes more of an uphill climb, as the evidence of the alcoholism becomes worse.
He doesn't have to suffer this way....and, neither do you. You are both suffering sooo much, that I can see.
This could be BIG CHANGE time, for the both of you. I say "Big Change", because the williness to face the changes that are needed is what it is going to take for you both to stop the ravages of alcoholism and it's companion---co-dependency.

I am not trying to be harsh with my words...I am speaking with an abundance of compassion for the both of you. I can show you my scars.....

Westgirl

Thank you Dandylion, I needed to read the words you shared. One of the things I appreciate about this forum are the lenses of honesty and respect that everyone uses. He did finally decide to contact his doctor today so he is getting medical intervention.I'm seeing my own co-dependency and enabling behaviors for what they are, and how they have kept me safe in a fantasy cocoon that both of us repeating the same patterns will somehow get us in a different place. I absolutely love him and we've had many wonderful times together, but we are in an unhealthy place and I'm going to have to be the one to pull the plug.

Ariesagain

Westgirl, just sending you a hug.

PeacefulWater12

I very much relate to this, West Girl. I was caught in that dysfunctional dance for such a long time. I realised, like you, I had to work on getting myself well and developing a healthy outlook.

Sending you hugs.