He won’t even face me
 

As I posted earlier, my alcoholic partner left me and my children high and dry 2 weeks ago. He hasn’t shown any remorse for his drunken abuse that night or any other night, nor has he asked to see or even FaceTime our 7 month old son.

His sister has messaged me saying that she will come and collect his things tomorrow. He didn’t even bother messaging me about it or isn’t going to bother turning up here himself to collect it.

I am so disgusted. We lived here together for years, we had a family together, we loved each other deeply, our son is here. How can you just walk away without a care in the world and not even bother to come collect your things yourself or at least tell me yourself that someone is coming to get them?!

It feels like a kick in the guts on top of everything else. So here I am again, sitting up crying about an alcoholic man who does not give a **** about me.

War....I am sorry that you are going through this. This is common alcoholic behavior

Did you read my posts on your other thread---especially the last ones?

Sorry you are going through this, as Dandylion says, sadly this is common alcoholic behaviour. It is what they do. It is how the addiction works.

I am aIso so very sorry you are going through this. :hug: s
UnfortunateIy, I am guessing he has been drunk out of his mind since he Ieft you and has no idea what he is doing.
He is probabIy not capabIe of texting right now.....or thinking.

And as PW and Dandy said ~ it is the horribIe mess that aIcohoIics make for themseIves and their famiIies.
(I am 6 and a haIf years sober).

I hope he sobers up and reaIises what he has done and gets heIp.

Sending you and your son so much Iove. :hug: s ❤️

I think it's important to know that alcoholics are not drinking AT you, they are just drinking. It is personal to you. It is ruining your family life and he is ignoring you and your children. It's devastating and painful for you and it will be for a while.

The point is though, this is not personal to you. The moment you threw his beer, you became the enemy. It seems so counterintuitive. You all vs drinking, the choice is obvious right? Well it's obvious, generally, to a non-alcoholic, to a person who is an addict, as you have seen, that choice is not so obvious.

Kind of like a, do I stay here and put up with all this aggravation about my drinking and all this responsibility (that prohibits me from drinking freely) or do I just go somewhere else. As you mentioned his family supports his drinking, to him this probably seems like a good choice right now.

He is not running away from you per-se he is running to a place where he can drink "happily".

Sometimes, after a while, an alcoholic can have some clarity and realize what they have done and try to back track. Please keep your defenses up as you get through this grief. These "returns" are usually temporary until the alcohol starts calling again.

It's tempting to go back to someone to ease your pain. Kind of like alcohol can ease his mind, temporarily, having him come back could ease your pain temporarily, but at what cost?

Active alcoholics make terrible partners and poor parents. Give yourself time to get back on your feet again. I would really recommend that you make a list of all the terrible things he has said and done over the years and keep it handy to refer to often. It's so easy to only focus on the good. It sounds like a painful thing to do but honestly, making that list and referring to it might just make you feel better. You can look at it and think, ok THAT is why we are where we are and that is why I am doing this (steering clear of him).

Awhile back I made the list that trailmix is referring to (thank you for that idea, Trailmix). It's brilliant. Even on your worst/weakest days, seeing that long list of terrible things he has done with basically nothing in the other column will make you be like, "Onward!"

Hey Warlitj, hope you are hanging in there, how did it go yesterday? I hope you were able to pack his stuff up before they arrived.

Hope you will check in.

War......how are you doing? Are you still with us......

Sorry for the horrible time you are having. Getting him out of your life will be the best thing that has ever happened to you in the long run. Focus on you and your children. Hugs

Sorry for the horrible time you are having. Getting him out of your life will be the best thing that has ever happened to you in the long run. Focus on you and your children. Hugs