On the road again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
On the road again
Have not been on here in some time, due to Covid primarily, last year was hectic and I have been WFH for a year now.
With being at home, things settled although he started drinking again, and has gotten worse, supposedly due to the heavy burden he carries as the company is facing huge losses (he is the CEO).
I moved out of the bedroom because the drinking was a deal breaker for me and that has upset him and when we argue he throws it at me, but he doesn't accept my explanation. I told him I refuse to be anywhere near a man who disrespects me as I respect myself, so he can lump it.
Lately he has come home late, drunk and if I say one word wrong or show my displeasure I get a slurry of verbal abuse. It has knocked me for 6 as we were getting on fine. I read the intermittent chicken story and see myself in it. I have maintained boundaries, but when things go good, I let them become blurred again.
He is angry with me as I refuse to carry his monkeys, he can spend all his time out with his buddies, etc. then comes and dumps all his crap on me, he has so many issues. He had a bad childhood an uses that as an excuse to be abusive. I lost it the other morning after another one of his drunken nights, no holds barred. I am raging that I have allowed myself to be sucked in by this POS. In the past my love for him would hold me back and I would be willing to keep working at it, hoping, etc. Now I just want to see him destroyed, what is wrong with me. I do not want to feel like this, I don't want to carry this rage within me, help me.
With being at home, things settled although he started drinking again, and has gotten worse, supposedly due to the heavy burden he carries as the company is facing huge losses (he is the CEO).
I moved out of the bedroom because the drinking was a deal breaker for me and that has upset him and when we argue he throws it at me, but he doesn't accept my explanation. I told him I refuse to be anywhere near a man who disrespects me as I respect myself, so he can lump it.
Lately he has come home late, drunk and if I say one word wrong or show my displeasure I get a slurry of verbal abuse. It has knocked me for 6 as we were getting on fine. I read the intermittent chicken story and see myself in it. I have maintained boundaries, but when things go good, I let them become blurred again.
He is angry with me as I refuse to carry his monkeys, he can spend all his time out with his buddies, etc. then comes and dumps all his crap on me, he has so many issues. He had a bad childhood an uses that as an excuse to be abusive. I lost it the other morning after another one of his drunken nights, no holds barred. I am raging that I have allowed myself to be sucked in by this POS. In the past my love for him would hold me back and I would be willing to keep working at it, hoping, etc. Now I just want to see him destroyed, what is wrong with me. I do not want to feel like this, I don't want to carry this rage within me, help me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Hi Givenup, that's a really painful situation to be living in.
As you know, there is no excuse for abusive behaviour toward someone else. He was abused so he has decided to abuse you? Just that alone makes zero sense.
The only way to not feel like you do is to completely distance yourself from the situation, truly. You would need to leave or have him leave. You can stonewall, you can "grey rock" you can detach yourself somewhat, but none of those things are actual solutions, just tools to use while you decide what you want to do.
You are angry because he is treating you horribly. That is normal and in fact you should be glad you are reacting normally and not just suffering silently. That said, it's not fair to yourself to carry on like this, is it?
The relationship is being destroyed, the pace has picked up. For both your sakes there needs to be distance don't you think?
As you know, there is no excuse for abusive behaviour toward someone else. He was abused so he has decided to abuse you? Just that alone makes zero sense.
The only way to not feel like you do is to completely distance yourself from the situation, truly. You would need to leave or have him leave. You can stonewall, you can "grey rock" you can detach yourself somewhat, but none of those things are actual solutions, just tools to use while you decide what you want to do.
You are angry because he is treating you horribly. That is normal and in fact you should be glad you are reacting normally and not just suffering silently. That said, it's not fair to yourself to carry on like this, is it?
The relationship is being destroyed, the pace has picked up. For both your sakes there needs to be distance don't you think?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
@Trailmix,
Thank you for your reply, really appreciate it and I know what I must do, though financially at the moment it is difficult. He might be going overseas for a work assignment next week for 2 months, I pray to God it happens, then I can have some breathing space and time to think and plan what to do. I have a good job and I live far away from my family and home country is the other end of the world (for almost 30 years) so it is difficult to leave and go home and not have a job. I am not getting any younger so it would be difficult to support myself and get an equivalent job. I live my life independently of him to a great extent and only when he is sober do we interact and things are fine but I never fully trust him and that is no way to live. I also hurt him with the things I say, but I cannot take his alcoholic abuse and his dumping of his toxic chaos on me. I have been his prop for years. You are right the relationship has been destroyed.
Thank you for your reply, really appreciate it and I know what I must do, though financially at the moment it is difficult. He might be going overseas for a work assignment next week for 2 months, I pray to God it happens, then I can have some breathing space and time to think and plan what to do. I have a good job and I live far away from my family and home country is the other end of the world (for almost 30 years) so it is difficult to leave and go home and not have a job. I am not getting any younger so it would be difficult to support myself and get an equivalent job. I live my life independently of him to a great extent and only when he is sober do we interact and things are fine but I never fully trust him and that is no way to live. I also hurt him with the things I say, but I cannot take his alcoholic abuse and his dumping of his toxic chaos on me. I have been his prop for years. You are right the relationship has been destroyed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: USA
Posts: 92
I'm sorry you're going through this. Its totally understandable you feel this way! You are not alone. I feel your pain and have been through a similar situation with my ex partner, only it was with substance abuse. I recently left, he has no intention or wish to quit completely and stay sober. Make sure you’re taking good care of yourself. Treat yourself to something you enjoy on occasion in order to give yourself a break from the turmoil at home. I hope you find a better way through life soon.
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