JessicaNAJ

stupid little lies, but they still exist. I was making conversation with AH, he said he went to the store, I asked what he got, he said nothing - I got bored so I went there to look around. My son said to me this morning, "Daddy took me to store yesterday and got a bunch of snacks." Now why wouldn't he just say that? I don't get it. I wasn't prying, I was conversating. The situation isn't a big deal, but the lies.... that is a big deal.

StandingStrong

Whenever I answer the phone and someone asks me what I'm doing, I admit that 98% of the time I will say "nothing". I could say "cleaning", "laundry", "making dinner", etc. but it seems unimportant and I always kind of think that the question is rhetorical anyways.
Maybe he thought that what he bought wasn't important or that you were just asking to ask and not because you really cared to know. (?)

I mean, I know you were trying to make conversation - but maybe he just didn't realize. You know how most men are anyways, they'll always answer a question with the shortest possible answer they can come up with "yea", "no", "maybe", "I don't know", "I don't care", etc.
Have you explained to him that you have a need for conversation?

Hopeful2

StandingStrong makes a good point. Have you asked him why he didn't tell you he bought snacks? Maybe you've ridden him before for buying junk food, so he figured he'd spare himself the lecture. Just a thought.

bluester

Sounds as if your possibly could have had agruments over this before. Maybe your husband just didn't want to go through that again. My AH is that way. To avoid a hassle he will just say nothing. He probably didn't even think of it as lies. Think StandingStrong is correct.

JessicaNAJ

I agree with you. My question to him, though, was "What'd you get?" It was a lighthearted question. I didn't ask him in a "drilling" way - as he says I always do when I don't believe he's telling me the truth - the 10,000 questions thing (I am guilty of that...lol But working on it). For him to go the extra length to add to his response that he was bored and went up there to look around (could be true) I still can't help but think that was him trying to get me to feel sorry for him. He knows I wear my heart on my sleeve and he knows what buttons to push. But you know what, I'm in control of my feelings and the only one that can make me feel sorry for him is me. I have a hard time with this because from day 1 (literally) I worked very hard to make him happy. I swear he would never smile, so I made it my job to get him to smile.

We have had many discussions about communicating and lack thereof, but never specifically about a need for conversation. Isn't communcation and conversation kinda the same thing?

As far as us arguing about what he buys at the store, that's on him. He can get whatever he wants. I've never questioned or criticized what he buys at the store since he's moved out.

He also told me he had given my son $15 and for him to keep it at his apartment. My son said it was $30. What's the big deal? My son earned it and I was proud of him for that.

You know what, I might have to take some of that back. He use to complain all the time that I took all his money - he got $60.00 a week-for himself! And he didn't drive. I was lucky if I had $20 to spend on myself each week. I'd get on him all the time for spending his money on stupid stuff (beer) and then not having money for things he needs. But I quit making that my problem. Because now - He's caused his own debt and he's going to have to face his own consequences when the money's gone, not me.

jessieandme2003

These words could have come from me.

I now look back and know how manipulated I was. He used to make me feel guilty, he'd have said anything that got him the money he wanted for beer. And he didn't care that I gave myself so little. It really hurt me that I would be the one to do with less (the breadwinner) but he was always 'needing' more. I was so codependent to let him treat me like that and still want to stay with him.