Cookie314

Yeah, I do that too. It's a really difficult habit to break.

dandylion

Cookie......a combination that you might find more helpful would be to get a counselor for yourself---for issues that feel more specific to your personal situation---and attend an alanon group that feel more suitable for you. As is often said, on this site---that alanon groups come in many "flavors". I have noted that many members do have an alanon group Plus their individual counselor.

FallenAngelina

In AlAnon, we suggest trying six different groups in the beginning. Each group will have its own tone, as dandylion mentions. That said, no AlAnon group should be "religious," as in promoting one particular religion or even one particular spiritual perspective. The whole point of the 12 steps is to unhook us from dependence on outer resources and hook us up to inner resources. AlAnon is very clear that any suggestion that one inner resource (AKA religion or spiritual guidance) is better than another inner resource is, well, not AlAnon. The very basis of a 12 step approach is to find our own inner resources and to support others in doing the same. Nobody in AlAnon should be telling you which spiritual guidance is best, just as nobody in Alanon should be telling you what to do. If they are, then give another meeting a try because this kind of thing is incredibly rare in the AlAnon community.

You know that you've found the right group when you leave feeling better - and you look forward to going back.

FallenAngelina

Also, just clarifying that AlAnon is not a support group, it's a program - a multi-level, full life approach to thinking differently and thereby having a better life.

These are my numbers according to my experience - We spend about 1% of the program talking and about 9% doing service. 90% of the program is listening and reflecting. This is by design. So what may at first feel formal and not like a support group is actually structured listening. This is by design. This is the program at work. We don't focus on sympathizing with others' problems, we don't tell others what to do or how to feel. Primarily, we listen and reflect - and there's a reason for that. AlAnon groups are not advice giving groups and they are not support groups, although they certainly can foster wonderfully supportive communities and friendships. AlAnon is a program in which we learn how to quiet down, become aware, think differently and thereby live differently.