I am (was?) doing so well!
 

I have/had been doing so amazingly well staying in my own lane (not in my AXBF's lane), focusing on myself, growing, etc. Seriously doing so well. I can honestly say that I barely thought about him over the last couple of weeks. I even went on a date recently with someone really nice and I'm looking forward to seeing him again this weekend.

Somehow, someway, I turned some important corner in the last month. Thank you, all.

But ... why does the perfect, happy, Valentine's Day photo of him with his current girlfriend where he is looking so sober, so incredibly handsome, so put together, etc. just break my heart? D*mn social media.

I'll be fine. I'm watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and letting her empower me.

But stil. Total dagger in what I thought was my seriously recover(ed)/ing heart. Like total dagger.

Hey, you slipped. It happens! But remember, social media is a lie factory and almost anyone can look great long enough for one photo especially since nobody ever posts the twelve crappy ones.

You don’t know what happened before or after that photo. Maybe he got hammered and they had an enormous fight. Maybe they had a lovely evening...and the poor girlfriend is still believing they will all be like that.

Bottom line: don’t look. It’s useless and as you have rediscovered, potentially really painful. You wouldn’t stick your hand in the microwave just to see what happens...don’t look at your ex’s feed.

You’ll feel better about it sooner if you forgive yourself and get busy doing something else that’s good for you.

It’s going to get better. I promise.

:grouphug:

"Potentially really painful." Yes. Exactly. Thank you. Hard lesson learned. <3

^^^^This! Sorry if I have told you this story OKR - but here goes anyway.

I broke up with - someone who turned out to be a total - well let's just say we weren't suited! If I could post pictures of him here I could post two side by side (and if I hadn't deleted all of them!) and you wouldn't know it's the same guy. You might think they are related.

Anyway, shortly after I said, we shouldn't talk for a while (and never did again yay!), he started posting on Facebook, from being a FB non-poster to:

1. Posting a photo of himself looking tanned and fit, outside in the summertime holding a slurpee with the caption - something like hey I'm back!!

Real story: I had taken that picture. He had been "back" for over a month and sponging off his friends and family, friend finally threw him out and his family were tired of him too, but that's where he ended up. He managed to get some money from the government by attending employment courses (he couldn't be bothered to find a job), he couldn't even put gas in his truck.
Then he decided he was going to just sponge off his family and write a book, what he did was take some old religious stories he wrote as a teen and recycled them, I only read one (they were available online to buy) and it was awful.
He claimed he was a born again (once more) Christian - just not true.

Anyway, that's it in a nutshell, I could go on but won't. Please don't take his post to heart.

All that aside, you are doing well! Keep reminding yourself of that. This is just a little mis-step, you are well on the road to recovery and in a few days this will pass and you will be back doing the next right thing for yourself.

This is so easy, yet so often overlooked.

I've found that one of the most empowering things I can do is control who enters my brain via social media. People in your media feeds are people on your team. I'm committed to being a good life coach for myself and people who are not inspiring do not make the cut. If someone is not inspiring you, cut them from the team.

Slipping is easy we all do it however so is continuing to move forward!

You are doing great do not worry about what you see because what I feel you are viewing on social media is him living a lie that he wishes he could be doing. If that makes sense? Most people want to be that person that they are claiming to be and not doing the work to become that person. What is amazing, and reality is that you are living your best life and have found someone deserving to share YOU!


Sweep that away and keep living! :Fall14:

I think those feelings come from your desire to have had that with him yourself. It is probably a mixture of envy over the other girl spending time with him while he's in this seemingly improved state, combined with hurting and questioning why you weren't "good enough" for him to do the same with you.

It's easy to feel like you've been in a rut in a previous relationship, and its ending is a good kick to change habits and improve yourself/ try to be more appealing for dates.

With all that being said, I agree with the others posts on social media are not a good metric for comparing someone else's "success" with yours. He may have jump started into some changes after you two broke off, or maybe the picture is more fabricated than it seems. It's easy to look put together for one picture.

I know it hurts to feel like you're missing out on what could have been, or hurt over his seeming change between how he treated you and this other girl, etc. Just remember you know very well his other sides that he doesn't show online. The dysfunction that alcoholism causes is very easy to hide to people on the outside. He may well have protected this air of being so put together to others during your relationship, but you didn't see it that way, because you were on the inside.

Personally, I've essentially dropped social media entirely. This board is the closest I've come to social media in years. It has been a large boon to my mental health, but I understand that it can be difficult to drop entirely. Just try to stay away from viewing his profile at all, and remember that what you do see is likely just the best slice of a **** cake.

All, thank you so much. Thank you. Your words mean so much. They always have. Thank you. Thank you again. <3

Trailmix, you never told me that story before but thank you, it made me feel understood.

Cookie 314, you hit the nail on the head. My feelings are coming from exactly the place you describe. :)

Rella927, thank you so much. :)

Ariesagain: "Maybe he got hammered and they had an enormous fight. Maybe they had a lovely evening...and the poor girlfriend is still believing they will all be like that." So that was me. Constantly dealing with a fight or constantly hoping that every night could be like our one good night (but always being devastated when 99% of them were not.)

Thank you again.