Narcissist?
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Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 47
Hi sorry this is a late post to this thread, have't been on for a while.
The pysch we engaged who worked with us in the months leading up to and through our separation said in an individual session with me that "while she hasn't diagnosed (XAH) if she had to diagnose him she would diagnose NPD". I had my suspicions about NPD because some of his behaviour was so biazzare and selfish I couldn't understand how a human being can be so cold hearted. So I have since completely BINGED Dr Ramani (her you tube channel and her book) and it has been so great to understand this disorder (my EXAH has around 70% of the traits but he possesses some of the more damaging ones such as lack of responsiblity for actions and minimal empathy).
Dr Ramani says that people who come out of relationships with people with NPD can spend YEARS recovering/ruminating on the behaviour of the N, so it is good to understand that if they have NPD there is literally NOTHING you can do to get them to see the light. They will never see it because they see nothing wrong with their behaviour. It is why they are so resistant to therapy (as was my XAH).
The thing I have been thinking about is whether the addicition or the Narcissism came first or if one caused the other - becasue they manifest in similar ways.
It explains why my X was able to do and say quite cruel things with no guilt or remorse, that has really helped me beacuse before I understood that I was really hurt by his actions and comments. Now just I 'grey rock' them!
The pysch we engaged who worked with us in the months leading up to and through our separation said in an individual session with me that "while she hasn't diagnosed (XAH) if she had to diagnose him she would diagnose NPD". I had my suspicions about NPD because some of his behaviour was so biazzare and selfish I couldn't understand how a human being can be so cold hearted. So I have since completely BINGED Dr Ramani (her you tube channel and her book) and it has been so great to understand this disorder (my EXAH has around 70% of the traits but he possesses some of the more damaging ones such as lack of responsiblity for actions and minimal empathy).
Dr Ramani says that people who come out of relationships with people with NPD can spend YEARS recovering/ruminating on the behaviour of the N, so it is good to understand that if they have NPD there is literally NOTHING you can do to get them to see the light. They will never see it because they see nothing wrong with their behaviour. It is why they are so resistant to therapy (as was my XAH).
The thing I have been thinking about is whether the addicition or the Narcissism came first or if one caused the other - becasue they manifest in similar ways.
It explains why my X was able to do and say quite cruel things with no guilt or remorse, that has really helped me beacuse before I understood that I was really hurt by his actions and comments. Now just I 'grey rock' them!
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,545
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty 
I had to learn to accept people as they were whether I had an accurate label for them or not. How they treat me is more important than naming their specific issues.
He may have been an alcoholic, or a narcissist, or just a jerk. What possible difference would it have made?
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by Forevertoolong
Hi sorry this is a late post to this thread, have't been on for a while.
The pysch we engaged who worked with us in the months leading up to and through our separation said in an individual session with me that "while she hasn't diagnosed (XAH) if she had to diagnose him she would diagnose NPD". I had my suspicions about NPD because some of his behaviour was so biazzare and selfish I couldn't understand how a human being can be so cold hearted. So I have since completely BINGED Dr Ramani (her you tube channel and her book) and it has been so great to understand this disorder (my EXAH has around 70% of the traits but he possesses some of the more damaging ones such as lack of responsiblity for actions and minimal empathy).
Dr Ramani says that people who come out of relationships with people with NPD can spend YEARS recovering/ruminating on the behaviour of the N, so it is good to understand that if they have NPD there is literally NOTHING you can do to get them to see the light. They will never see it because they see nothing wrong with their behaviour. It is why they are so resistant to therapy (as was my XAH).
The thing I have been thinking about is whether the addicition or the Narcissism came first or if one caused the other - becasue they manifest in similar ways.
It explains why my X was able to do and say quite cruel things with no guilt or remorse, that has really helped me beacuse before I understood that I was really hurt by his actions and comments. Now just I 'grey rock' them!
The pysch we engaged who worked with us in the months leading up to and through our separation said in an individual session with me that "while she hasn't diagnosed (XAH) if she had to diagnose him she would diagnose NPD". I had my suspicions about NPD because some of his behaviour was so biazzare and selfish I couldn't understand how a human being can be so cold hearted. So I have since completely BINGED Dr Ramani (her you tube channel and her book) and it has been so great to understand this disorder (my EXAH has around 70% of the traits but he possesses some of the more damaging ones such as lack of responsiblity for actions and minimal empathy).
Dr Ramani says that people who come out of relationships with people with NPD can spend YEARS recovering/ruminating on the behaviour of the N, so it is good to understand that if they have NPD there is literally NOTHING you can do to get them to see the light. They will never see it because they see nothing wrong with their behaviour. It is why they are so resistant to therapy (as was my XAH).
The thing I have been thinking about is whether the addicition or the Narcissism came first or if one caused the other - becasue they manifest in similar ways.
It explains why my X was able to do and say quite cruel things with no guilt or remorse, that has really helped me beacuse before I understood that I was really hurt by his actions and comments. Now just I 'grey rock' them!
Dr. Ramani's "video teachings" are helpful. She does not mince words and that is helpful for me; meanwhile, she exudes honesty, compassion and trustiworthiness. That is key in the sense that there are scads of self-help vids out there that might cause more harm than good to an avid listener, who is willing to take suggestions on how to coexist with people who seem toxic.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by trailmix
I researched it a lot at the time because, not having dealt with someone with NDP before, I really didn't understand what the heck his behaviour was about, I do now. I, personally, had to do this research because the whole thing caused a great deal of cognitive dissonance for me and that wouldn't rest until I figured it out.
Otherwise, seeking help with professionals (as examples, when searching for a divorce attorney or seeking therapy from a mental health professional) who clearly understand the trajectory of those who are highly narcissistic can be immensely helpful as compared to those professionals who don't get it; going to a professional, who does not get the narcissist might actually cause further damage to the person on the receiving end of the bad actor's antics.
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